I am an INFP and I go to a Christian college that teases about a "ring by spring!"
haha oh wow! pressure much?
so i was single for... 20+ years? did a little dating, nothing significant... i pined over people for a long time during that... now as a non-single... i just want to say, i don't think you really have less problems, just different ones... 0_o
i mean obviously i think my relationship is worth staying in, but i think it's important to remember that NFP emotional life is just complicated... we're screwed emotionally regardless of whether we're in a relationship or not. when you're not, you're dreaming of one, and when you are, you're dreaming of how it could be made better and scared of losing it. that pining feeling doesn't go away, it just shifts... it shifts to wanting to be around the person you're with when they're gone, it shifts to wishing you had more time to spend with them, it shifts to wishing things were better between the two of you... even when it's really, really good, your mind is stuck on "if we could just tweak this one thing..."
kinda the downside to being an idealist, always looking for how to make things better
This is a false premise I've come to realise, its in the language, I was responding to my own false premise there for awhile I have to say.
Coping sounds strange, almost like your coping after grief, coping after depression, coping after loss, coping after lack, coping after single, coping out of what exactly?
Strange wouldn't you say? Almost like coping not because we are single but coping because we are experiencing a poverty in our personality. Whereby we are focusing all our energies on this coping, this lacking aspect where we think and feel because we are in this energy state where we are single, that has left such a mega impression on how society views this, how we have been thought to view this aspect of ourselves, there is an inadequacy in how we feel and think. And this inadequacy is our dissatisfaction with ourselves rather. Insofar as to say we are then experiencing negative synchronicity and projecting this coping, this lacking of ourselves outwardly and reinforcing that experience I feel.
When you learn to change this negative vibrational state of being where you are without expectation of what you lack and start thinking and feeling good about yourself in abundantly, in a having and wanting energy state, you are fulfilled and your jug would refill with water cascading forward. And then your energy would become a kind of positive synchronicity where you focus towards accepting who we are. Becoming conscious, confident and self assured that coping and lacking are strange words. For they reinforce your views of what you don't have, instead of affirming your views of what you do have. And that is your individual selves, your freedoms, your passions, your joys, your personality, your creativity, your energy, your intrigue, your physicality, your being. How different attitudes would appear, fearless then towards enjoying life as a moment of experience rather than a moment in coping.
this is true
"I'm not in this world to live up to your expectations and you're not in this world to live up to mine. "
One of my single friends was just talking about how she needs to learn to be happy "without a boy." She's a cute, rarely single ISFJ. Anyway, as someone who is single more frequently than she is and is currently single, I think that it is possible to be happy when single but it's a different sort of happiness. Happiness in partnership, to me, feels like a deeper happiness.
I don't know how one can cope with being single, since being single isn't even a problem. How can being single be a problem??? I'm in a relationship for 2 years (my first boyfriend ever) and I'm happy with him, but I it's pretty normal for me to be single - why would I need someone to be happy? I lived 18 years of my life single and ok - and that doesn't mean I was alone, since I had family, friends and other people in my life. I guess one needs to learn how to live single and satisfied with oneself to be prepared to have a good, happy and healthy relationship. Because, that way, being with someone else stops being a necessity, but it's just something more in one's life - something that would not take one out from despair and loneliness, but something that would just make one happier.
I'm sorry if I offended someone or made someone feel bad, that wasn't my intention... It's just kinda difficult for me to understand how some people (including people I know personally) can feel so bad for being single... I guess I had never cared very much about this kind of stuff... I had always chosen being single than pretending I liked/loved someone; and, for me, the probability of me being in love with someone the way I am now was so damn little, that I didn't even worry about it. So I'm happy for being with him, but, if I wasn't with him (if I didn't love him or he didn't), that would be ok too. The big challenge of my life has always been how to be happy and satisfied with myself, not with someone else.
Being single is actually quite easy for me. I was single for quite a long time before I met my current partner, and when I met him I wasn't even close to looking for someone. I did whatever I wanted while single and I had a pretty drama free life. I don't need someone just to ... have someone. If someone is going to be in my life, they are there because they are AWESOME. I accept nothing less than the best which makes being a loner easy. :P
Apparently, I was insulted by my relationship with my mother from a younger (unattractive imo) guy I shot down the other day. Made me depressed for a couple of days. How I interpret it is he said "If my mom dies, I'll be sitting alone." So I guess making fun of my singleness and their ignorance of my social anxiety disorder helped get some of his buddies to help lick his wounds.