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[INFP] How to appeal to an INFP female?

ColonelGadaafi

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Oct 10, 2008
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Yes, it's odd right? an esfp asking for dating tips.

Anyhow, there is a certain girl in school that i like very much, though i haven't dared approach, yet. Having observed her from distance, i suspect she is INFP(perhaps ISFP, definitly a Fi dominant).

There is this sincerity in her presence, which arouses confusing feelings inside. I can only describe as a immense liking.

I've mustered the courage to take a iniative, but the problem is i dont know how to approach her. Ive got no idea how INFP's percieve people and situations, and how they take in impressions.

Any advice is welcome.
 

BlackCat

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Prove that you're a good person. Prove that you're interesting. Don't be overly annoying. Other than that don't worry, INFPs are very accepting people, and the rest is up to you to accept us. I can't say anything specific because we all have very specific values and pet peeves that you will need to be told about/figure out.
 

BlackCat

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Yeah, whatever you do, never say this:

-quote-

...even in jest...:huh:

I usually take offense to that kind of flirting. That might just be me though. Victor didn't react that well though lol.
 

Little Linguist

Striving for balance
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I usually take offense to that kind of flirting. That might just be me though. Victor didn't react that well though lol.

LOL I wasn't trying to flirt, just kid around - that's my way of offering an olive branch...He seemed quite dismayed, however, so I *wouldn't* suggest that approach...:newwink:
 

JocktheMotie

Habitual Fi LineStepper
Joined
Nov 20, 2008
Messages
8,491
Prove that you're a good person. Prove that you're interesting. Don't be overly annoying. Other than that don't worry, INFPs are very accepting people, and the rest is up to you to accept us. I can't say anything specific because we all have very specific values and pet peeves that you will need to be told about/figure out.

Crap.
 

PeaceBaby

reborn
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Oh man, I was so shy in school, completely clueless about anyone even liking me at all!

If you make eye contract, and she looks away fast, it's likely that she is clueless & shy too. Just be friendly and her confidence will build over time, and she may even approach you then!

Plus, I would suggest doing something small and helpful to get her attention first. Hold a door open for her. Something thoughtful and appropriate to the situation.

Take note of what gets her talking, gets her animated in class. Make an intelligent contribution to the topic when relevant.

FYI, if you like wrestling, it may be tough for you to get this girl. Otherwise, be your naturally charming ESFP self (oh, and I know you can be flirty and fun for sure!)

Good luck!
 
G

garbage

Guest
I guess this is more for when you get into a budding relationship with one.. but some of it should also apply for snagging one..

Show her that actually care about her and her interests. Respect the fact that she's going to be humble and that you might have to pry some information out of her in creative ways. Stave off the extroversion and listen to her. Show her a bit about your world--your own hobbies and interests--that is, get her out of the house :)

Also, be prepared to take things really, really slowly ;)
 

Valhallahereicome

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Just talk to her. Be yourself. Don't try a facade, they'll pick up on it immediately. They like sincerity.

Yep. Quite true.

Did you ever read The Art of Seduction by Robert Greene? Very interesting book. There are several types of seducer and if I remember correctly, one of them was the "Mirror." You implement the mirror strategy by reflecting their qualities back at them. Because INFPs are so caught up in values, I think that the mirror strategy is particularly effective with them. If they see that you seem to hold the same values as they do, they will come to associate their beloved values with you.

In other words, be really sincere as you described her. Show her your wisdom and depth. Draw her into deep conversations if you have a chance. Reflect back at her the passion that she loves within her own soul.

Never, ever let her see your petty side. Let her think that you don't know how to be cruel, at least not intentionally.

It's important to realize that as a "mirror," you're not just a smiling and nodding reflection. You share her values, but don't agree with everything she says. All girls appreciate an assertive, sometimes stubborn man. ;)

EDIT: Haha, just realized that there seems to be a horrible contradiction between my first line and the rest of what I wrote. When I read "facade," I thought of the person who tries to be more outgoing, more accomplished, more cool than they actually are. A facade is sort of a socially acceptable mask, and INFPs don't like those.

By latching onto her values, you are still being manipulative to get what you want, but it's a type of manipulation that might actually work on an INFP. INFPs tend to prefer a guy with strong values over a successful social butterfly.
 

speculative

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Ive got no idea how INFP's percieve people and situations

Fi

and how they take in impressions.

Ne.

:D

(I probably have those switched backwards in another one of my sensotard moments. :eek: )

Maybe it's just my 4-ness talking, but I feel that INFPs have a strong sense of who they are that's not necessarily tied to just their values. I would try to connect to her on some level, either through a shared experience, a shared background, by noticing something about her that is unique (how she answered a question in class, how she is considerate of others, etc.) and mention how that made you notice her and that you'd like to get together for coffee or something similarly laid-back. That way, you're flattering her in a way that actually flatters her INFP-ness, is not trivial, and is more romantic without being too forward. Just my thoughts in a general sense; everyone's unique in their own way.
 
G

garbage

Guest
oh and also don't just take her, be a gentleman about your advances or you might just scare her off :doh:
 

Valhallahereicome

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oh and also don't just take her, be a gentleman about your advances or you might just scare her off :doh:

Heehee, not necessarily. Maybe other INFP ladies can contradict me here, but excessive gentlemanliness is boring. If you want to kiss me, kiss me; if you want to have sex, make a move, don't sit there talking and hope something happens. :D

I would kind of try to find out about her romantic/sexual past in an oblique way. If she's dated around a bit, then she's probably more open than you might think. Take things too slowly and she could think you're not interested. I know, it's hard being the pursuer!
 
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It helps that you aren't an infp guy. You have no idea how hard it is to be seen as overly effeminate and how much I would give for some on-the-fly thinking skills.
 

SillySapienne

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Look like this ---->
avatar4533_1.gif


:yes:
 

BerberElla

12 and a half weeks
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Sep 25, 2008
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Heehee, not necessarily. Maybe other INFP ladies can contradict me here, but excessive gentlemanliness is boring. If you want to kiss me, kiss me; if you want to have sex, make a move, don't sit there talking and hope something happens. :D

Too right lol I'm really oblivious most of the time, I need extremely obvious clues that you're interested in me. I knew a guy for ages and ages, when he finally kissed me I was stunned because I honestly didn't think he was that interested, yet according to him he had been trying to get me to notice his interest for months and months lol (I actually think he was an INFP now that I think about it).

Don't be nervous, just ask her out on a date, so that it's damn obvious you are interested.

I would kind of try to find out about her romantic/sexual past in an oblique way. If she's dated around a bit, then she's probably more open than you might think. Take things too slowly and she could think you're not interested. I know, it's hard being the pursuer!

Honestly I would disagree. I felt violated when I found out my ex husband researched my past like that, asking people about me, giving people OTHER people the chance to pass on chinese whispers that then needed to be explained by me.

If there is one thing I can not stand, it is being ignored as the source of information on myself, if you want to know something about me, ask me directly and trust that I will be honest. Don't skulk about spying on me and taking for gospel things from others that are not even true.
 

CzeCze

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It depends on how healthy the INFP is and if you want to date her or if you want a deep relationship with her.

I would say stand out - be confident, charming, social, engage her in conversation and really listen to her. Make her feel confident and comfortable and safe. Be clear about your intentions. The more introverted she is, I think the more she will look favorably on these things.
 

Unique

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Just talk to her. Be yourself. Don't try a facade, they'll pick up on it immediately. They like sincerity.

And stuff.....

I knew one INFP that liked this, I also knew another that preferred the teasing/hard to get flirting more... and the other hated it...

I'm not helping am I? lol
 
G

garbage

Guest
Heehee, not necessarily. Maybe other INFP ladies can contradict me here, but excessive gentlemanliness is boring. If you want to kiss me, kiss me; if you want to have sex, make a move, don't sit there talking and hope something happens. :D

I would kind of try to find out about her romantic/sexual past in an oblique way. If she's dated around a bit, then she's probably more open than you might think. Take things too slowly and she could think you're not interested. I know, it's hard being the pursuer!

Hmm.. interesting! I wonder if she thinks like you but just doesn't show it.. now you've gotten me all scared :( ;)

The whole "having dated around" thing might be the difference.. right off, I got this vibe of innocence from her, and her overall demeanor and her responses to my advances seem to hammer it home that she's done very little dating in the past. I'll likely ask directly about it as she gets more comfortable, but I know that I need to watch my approach.

I guess.. overall.. we can advise to just to tune in. Knowing what to do as far as advances are concerned ties back to listening to her, connecting to her, and taking a keen interest in her.

Honestly I would disagree. I felt violated when I found out my ex husband researched my past like that, asking people about me, giving people OTHER people the chance to pass on chinese whispers that then needed to be explained by me.

If there is one thing I can not stand, it is being ignored as the source of information on myself, if you want to know something about me, ask me directly and trust that I will be honest. Don't skulk about spying on me and taking for gospel things from others that are not even true.

I guess it depends on what "oblique" actually means. I doubt it's referring to spying or getting information out of other people.. probably more about being perceptive.. watching for clues and asking honest questions based upon those.
 

Valhallahereicome

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Honestly I would disagree. I felt violated when I found out my ex husband researched my past like that, asking people about me, giving people OTHER people the chance to pass on chinese whispers that then needed to be explained by me.

If there is one thing I can not stand, it is being ignored as the source of information on myself, if you want to know something about me, ask me directly and trust that I will be honest. Don't skulk about spying on me and taking for gospel things from others that are not even true.

Yeah that's true, other people aren't always the most accurate source of information when it comes to these things, and if she finds out she will likely think you're spying on her. But what I meant more was that it's good to glean facts from casual conversation with the girl herself. I don't have any spectacular tips on how to do that unfortunately, but then you are an ESFP so it shouldn't be too hard. :)

Hmm.. interesting! I wonder if she thinks like you but just doesn't show it.. now you've gotten me all scared :( ;)

The whole "having dated around" thing might be the difference.. right off, I got this vibe of innocence from her, and her overall demeanor and her responses to my advances seem to hammer it home that she's done very little dating in the past. I'll likely ask directly about it as she gets more comfortable, but I know that I need to watch my approach.

I guess.. overall.. we can advise to just to tune in. Knowing what to do as far as advances are concerned ties back to listening to her, connecting to her, and taking a keen interest in her.

Haha, I definitely put out the innocence vibe to people, and can assure you that I am not innocent. :D I know, I'm making it more difficult! But yes, it's all about keeping your eye on this particular girl and slowly figuring her out.
 
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