i moved this to what's my type is there a way i can delete this thread so it's not a useless post since it's in another area?)
does this sound like an INFJ to any of you
I will be posting some article parts from here
i just want to be honest here and see what you guys feel about it and maybe if up to it to give me some feedback which will be clarifying as you all are good at this typology theory stuff.
article not mine from: "http://www.infjorinfp.com/"
The Self-Disclosure Facet
Here's a way to sort between INFJ and INFP: Ask yourself how you feel about self-disclosure.
If you're comfortable divulging personal information about yourself (particularly to strangers), you're more likely INFJ(i'm not going to lie i get pretty nervous disclosing info about myself but i will if it will benefit a stranger like if were both going through the same struggle i like to let them know there not alone and let them know i actually been through this and it may be hard but in the end you'll be happy there in peace. it felt good i could finally help someone with my grieving maybe they'll realize there not so alone").
You may not even classify much information about yourself as being "personal" -- depending on the situation, everything is fair game. If, instead, you're inclined to be private and generally tight-lipped about yourself and your personal life, you're more likely INFP.
Let's explain what self-disclosure is: it's a willingness to reveal information about yourself. It's not self-promotion or bragging. It's simply a tendency to reveal personal information in an attempt to build a "bridge" with others to build relationships and increase rapport. It's a way of creating shared experience, shared meaning.
Here's a good definition of self-disclosure from a website:
Self-disclosure is a process of providing information to another individual. The information that is disclosed include one's thoughts, feelings, past experiences, and future plans. ... Other characteristics that help define what self-disclosure is, and what it means, is that it "involves risk and vulnerability on the part of the person sharing the information" (Borchers). ... According to Fisher & Adams, "...all possible knowledge about yourself can be classified into two categories: public knowledge (what other people know) and private knowledge (what only you know)." Hence, when one self-discloses information to another, he/she makes public the private information of him/herself.
Here are the sorts of things that are topics of self-disclosure:
your beliefs about the world, yourself, and others (i'm not afraid to state how i feel about a believe about the world,myself or others i like to know i can be open with my friends even if there are people around that are acquintences near by that i don't know on a personal level i don't mind them over hearing my view or opinion even if they have a different opinion kinda helps too when they are especially think that there opinion is the end all and everyone should agree with me or perish. especially if there is someone who won't state her opinion and i know they'd agree with me i'll state my opinion to help coax them out alittle bit to show they don't need to tell you who you are or that you shouldn't say what you feel/agree with or "not" even not agreeing) my thing is this one friend was talking about abortion and how they might do it so the other friend blew up and pretty much threatened if you do that i'll never be your friend again it is wrong etc. I just remember getting so mad( i mean hot cheeks lol) I don't agree with abortion but you know you have no right to cram your view down someone's throat if you were a true friend you would just listen to her and be there for her no matter what in that situation of course cause it varies in different circumstances.
your values (what is important or not, what you like or don't, etc.
[/U][/B]of course i didn't say anything to above as i felt both have the right to act there own way i'm not going to interfere now if the person said that to me i would say "listen i'm not getting an abortion but if i were to i'd appreciate that you wouldn't try to tell me what to do with my body as i wouldn't with you etc yadda yadda) my values are simple i'll help you only if your willing to help yourself now when i was in my teens i didn't have that kind of philosophy yet this was developed after learning how some people don't appreciate give and take they just want you to listen "all the time" hey now i do like to know i'm not a sound bored...i won't say this directly but i will show that i don't approve by slowing growing away from whoever is doing that.[/U][/B]
your emotional responses to events or to others
your goals When one self-discloses, the intent is to gain knowledge, or information, about the other person, as well as him/herself. What this objective enables individuals in the relationship to do is "...coordinate necessary actions and reduce ambiguity about one another's intentions and the meaning of their behavior." (i've done this when there was someone i really didn't know as she was new to the school she looked like she'd be nice to get to know so when we had a study hall together i shared all this stuff with her(10th grade) that i normally wouldn't share with others especially since i told this "other" friend something i thought i could trust them with nothing horrible; just about how much it hurt when something happened to me.
first thing i just couldn't speak it was like my voice just disappeared on me i didn't speak to her the rest of study hall period i didn't know what to say i felt really vulnerable and practically gave my friend my heart to just stomp on it like that jeepers lol especially since we both shared the same situation
i thought i could talk about something like that but apparently not(back up lol; not going to them anymore)
When one self-discloses private information about their thoughts and feelings, there is a high degree of vulnerability. The individual self-disclosing is taking a chance of getting hurt. That person may get hurt in a number of ways. Their "true self" may be rejected or exploited. The information that was disclosed may not be responded to in a positive manner, or the information may be used against the discloser, leaving the other person in the relationship to gain power. There is a loss of control associated with self-disclosing that can be very threatening to some people.
Let me explain what self-disclosure is not. It is not leaving people to their own devices to learn more about you. Charlie Chaplin (likely an introverted feeling type) is quoted as once saying, "If you want to understand me, watch my movies." (maybe that's like the modern day if you want to learn about me look at my facebook/myspace or enneagram type xDDD/ slightly guilty of the E/mbti one haha) That's typical of an introverted feeling type. Along similar lines, I once asked someone who claimed on their webpage to be INFJ why there was no information about them -- and was informed that I would learn everything I wanted to know by reading the short stories they had written. The truth is, if I am left to INFER who you are -- that is not self-disclosure.
Many people confuse self-disclosure with exposing their ideas. For example, a lot of INFPs enjoy "blogging," where they share speculation with the world about things that are going on.
Technically, this is not self-disclosure. Self-disclosure is not about speculating or working out implications -- it's about bridging with personal revelations, often revelations that are "concrete." Examples of this might include, "oh look! We both drive a Honda Accord!" or "my mother died last year too."(definitely if i find someone that also lost a parent or new car hehe i won't hide the fact that i too have lost one or a new car even if they are a stranger...maybe it will help both to heal/or be excited for new car
to just let it out)
It's especially obvious when we "tell on ourselves," by sharing painful stories about ourselves or revealing mistakes we've made. I notice self-disclosure operating when I talk about getting fired from a job, or share an embarrassing moment I experienced at a party. Last night I encountered a woman in a public toilet who had spilled coffee on her white dress, and I found myself babbling about something similar happening to me as a way to create relationship and eliminate the tension of being strangers.(( i don't know how many times when ever i am at a store/bathroom stall/restaurant etc if something happens and it seems like it may embarrass them i try to either let them know happens to everybody or how "i remember one time when i was "blah blah blah something similar happened to me as well blah blah blah xDDD, i'm such a dork sometimes i feel self centered going on about myself but i'm actually doing it so they don't feel like there alone especially if they have a stain on there and there visibly feel self conscious about it and bring it up to me i try to let them know "it's alright it happens it high school i spilled a whole slushie on myself in front of the whole cafeteria" something like that always i end up going on how that happend to me also even with friend not just strangers/waitresses male or female if there clumsy i'll usually say "it's alright happens to everyone i like to let them know i see you as a human not as this superhero who's suppose to run a circus while handing me my food xDDD haha seriously it applies everywhere/to everyone could be me being a phobic 6w7 i like to also disarm people and let them know "i'm safe i put my hands up be gentle with me lol".
To put a fine point on it, most people tend to self-disclose after they get to know you. INFJs self-disclose as a WAY to get to know you. So the question is how soon it happens in the relationship -- early on for INFJs(i'll self disclose to strangers as away of breaking the ice; helps if there's something to base it on in which were similar lol) or later on for INFPs. Are you more inclined to spontaneously share things about yourself to a stranger, or only after you've gotten comfortable with someone?
In my experience, INFPs just don't like sharing too much personal detail about themselves. I noticed once on an email list how I let everyone know I was leaving to go visit Australia for a week. I didn't want anyone worrying about where I'd gone to. The INFP list owner simply disappeared for two weeks, although he was happy to say he'd been on vacation after he got back. I found that to be an interesting difference. (usually i let my close friends know if i would be on vacation or unable to go to something if there close enough to me, i do find i'll forget a person here a person there but i'll make sure my close friends would know so i figure they would find out by them.
like i remember when i became an aunt i brought in all these pictures of the newborn to show everyone i always talked about them. (see these were people i knew so i don't know if that makes a difference...i could see myself bringing up being an aunt if the other person brought up a similar situation as small talk hehe.
Last weekend I spoke with a trainer who knew type, and when I casually asked him what his type code was, all kinds of resistance showed up and he was uncomfortable saying he had INFP preferences. Another INFP I am conversing with via email has told me all sorts of things about his wife's behaviors, but I don't know her name or how old she is or anything specific about her. She's just a vague impression for me. A domFi I met in person was uncomfortable telling me his name when I asked point-blank what it was.
(see if i was in person i would have just told my name cause whoever it would be is in person not over the internet don't know if that means the same thing lol/helps if meeting for a similar reason(convention/a new friend of current friends i'm being introduced too).
Some NFPs have a habit of deftly turning the tables and asking others about themselves in order to turn the focus away and shine it on the other person instead so as to cleverly escape the limelight.([B][U]i'm not afraid of having a moment to express what i'm going through to my friends even if i see one person bored i'll get offended but if there are a couple who are willing to listen and actually care then for them i'll keep going but i like to share the load as well like "what's your story?" it's not all me me me like the bored one would have loved to just talk about themselves directly and indirectly.
they may be good at getting others to self-disclose, and prefer to stay hidden in the background, keeping themselves private. On the other hand, I have seen NFPs fall into the "grip" of extraverted Feeling and begin babbling inappropriate information to anybody who will listen -- sharing about affairs, a death in the family, and personal medical matters that might be better left unsaid (at least publicly). So it's not that NFPs can't self-disclose -- but they don't do it as gracefully as NFJs seem to. (like i understand to shut my mouth when someone else's grandmother is dying of cancer when i feel they never truly listened to me during my need(loss of loved one)
(yethear i am listening but i rather do that then go to there level)
(like i would be the type to keep a page private to only let my close friends to be able to read, same if i were to have a blog i don't really lol)
This tendency to self-disclose or not shows up readily on many homepage websites. Some owners freely provide their life story in great detail (like mine does) while, in contrast, other sites avoid personal revelation -- so a biography is lacking, a picture is lacking, and no personal details are provided. The owner may be anonymous, or an alter ego (such as their cat) hosts the website, or perhaps there are "under construction" signs posted in the bio section (under construction for the past 5 years, you'll notice).
(that's me i share opinions but make note that this is just my opinion i'm open to hearing others opinions and i won't criticize it, i'll actually here you out not shun you)
The owner may share lots of opinions, but their personal details are scant or buried. If any self-disclosure is offered, they seem uncomfortable with it, and it's not intended to build a bridge -- it's more like somebody put a gun to their head or shamed them into sharing it.
i agree self disclosure can help you build a bridge with someone it's a good conversation starter instead of how's the weather? i have to say i do that just to kinda feel out the person maybe they'll give me something to add to there story about how were walking the dog and it raining. me: oh you have a dog i used too myself but he got lost when i was younger..got to love dogs. i would do that word for word scouts honor i don't lie.
more like so you have neices or nephews?i have blah blah *waits for response; i won't do this if the person seems to sending me major "don't converse with me i care not to talk while on the elevator; i find i don't mind that either i actually prefer that cause small talk can be annoying especially if you feel there is pretense like you have to kiss up i don't like kissing up haha but it may seem like i kiss up but really i am just friendly.
Of course some of this is related to age. Younger INFPs tend to be more private than younger INFJs, who may get caught up in runaway self-disclosure and not stop talking about themselves. As we grow older, we all tend to mellow a bit around this distinction -- so you may want to consider whether your self-assessment holds true for most of your life.
(ooh that's tricky)
My husband and I probably have our worst fallouts over this preference -- he hates it when I reveal private information about him without his permission, and I am the eternal blabbermouth. (No doubt he'll scream when he learns I revealed that!) i don't assume I'm saying you should tell all by what I've written here! (i actually got in trouble once cause it wasn't made clear or i wasn't paying attention not to share something with another person that someone told me i honestly said i was sorry and i didn't mean to do that and it will not happen again i was ashamed of myself like i let them down)
Let me be clear: INFJs tend to self-disclose. INFPs like it when others self-disclose, but they usually aren't in a rush to do it themselves. To confound matters further, INFJs self-disclose more than they imagine they do, and INFPs self-disclose less than they realize. Of course, this is all compounded by the fact that the INFJ interaction style tends to be the most *private* of all the types. But when they DO open up, is it marked by a tendency to share about themselves?
(when someone close to me passed i didn't tell my friends it wasn't intentional i was just wrapped up in everything they new the person was ill and all that was happening i just didn't feel like letting them know i kinda withdrawed from them to process everything and wasn't even thinking you may want to let them know *smacks up side head; i'm so absent minded*)
sorry for the long post i want an honest answer and i'm not afraid of questions that will bring clarity to light so please don't refrain i did the same thing with enneagram i want to know i'm being real about this and i'm not just playing around it's really important that i understand it in it's entirety learn all the types motivations try some hats on if they didn't fit remove them lol so that's what i want to do with the mbti have an honest evaluation.
thank you very much for listening to me babble.
it's really all down to either infp or infj i want to understand for sure what one?