[MBTI General] NFs! Help prevent a murder!

[Kangirl]

About to be murdered: my INFP boyfriend.

We had a time set up at noon. He was 1 and a half hours late. He knew I would be mad (and yes, 1 and a half hours = very, very unhappy Kangirl) so he just hid from me all day and is now sending me Blackberries along the lines of "don't be mad" and "don't shout at me". No apologies, though. Sometimes I think this guy will melt a la the Wicked Witch if he utters the word "sorry", ever.

Is this an INFP thing? Why can't he just own up to being a dick and say sorry? It would go a long way to assuaging my anger at his timekeeping. He just makes it worse acting like a damned weasel.

*sharpens kitchen knives*

 

[prplchknz]

what are we suppose to do? I don't think we can actually prevent a murder just keep in the back of your mind that you might get caught might go to jail, and it will just be a big mess, is it even worth the trouble. I have wanted to murder people, like seriously had a plan, but I always backed out because I realized in the long run it just wouldn't be worth it. And I say sorry, so no I think that's just being a dick thing.

 

[Kangirl]

what are we suppose to do?

I dunno. Hmmm. Send him some special psychic "STOP BEING A GODDAMNED WEASEL" vibes?

 

[BlackCat]

I'd say it a common INFP trait to not want to offend people, and he's probably doing his best to not make you mad. Him being THAT late is not a good thing though. He's probably too caught up in feeling guilty to remember to say sorry.

When I get like this I say sorry a lot, I'll admit it. If I screw up the worst thing in the world that could happen to me at that moment is for the person I screwed up around to blow up on me or express their anger toward me. That's probably why I keep repeating that I'm sorry.

Keep that in mind and make the best decision. I don't know your boyfriend or you well enough to give you any real advice. You most definitely should talk to him about it, but for god's sake (and his) don't blow up on him.

Did he at least give you any reason for him being late? I mean... that's the least I'd do. I'd explain myself and then be like . Then I'd make it up to you in some way.

I'll edit in or post anything else if I can think of something.

 

[Little Linguist]

People who are late are just a pain in the ass...

I say do it:

Nahhh, seriously. My husband is notoriously late and he shouldn't be - he's an INTJ, sometimes I think he's an INTX... but yeah *shakes head* chronically late. You can't change him so you adapt accordingly by telling him to arrive at a time 30 minutes earlier or more than you plan.

One night I came home really late without calling and my husband flipped the fuck out, almost called the police because I'm so damned reliable, he thought I got kidnapped. And when he came at me all in a panic and freaking out I said, "Now you know how it feels." Yeah, I can be brutal, wasn't proud of it, but there's a line that needs to be drawn...And INTJs are not exactly the most empathetic people - you need to throw them in cold water to wake their asses up.

Now, INFPs, no bloody idea. If they're anything like me, they have their heads in the clouds half the time. But bloody hell, that's why god made something called a D-I-A-R-Y and a W-A-T-C-H. You know - the things that tell you what time it is....Plaster it to your forehead!!!!!!!!

Awww, nah, all in good fun, but I hear ya. Pisses me off too. It's one of the few things I'm totally anal retentive about. I guess it 'goes against my values' the MBTI dude would analyze. I just says, "It pisses me off. How much of a retard do you have to be?"

 

[prplchknz]

I dunno. Hmmm. Send him some special psychic "STOP BEING A GODDAMNED WEASEL" vibes?

have you told him this? I mean it might piss him off, but maybe it will make him see that he's being a weasel.

 

[Atomic Fiend]

You finna DIE!

 

[Kyrielle]

When you say, "Help prevent a murder!" I just can't help but go, "Do it!"

I suppose what you could do is ask for an explanation. Maybe next time he says, "Don't be mad" turn right around and say, "Too late." (Provided you are already annoyed/mad/angry/whatever it is.)

But I agree, when people do the whole "don't be mad" and "don't yell at me" thing before we've even spoken about what happened, all they are doing is trapping themselves by:

1. Making me automatically assume the worst. (Because they're cowering.)
2. Because I've assumed the worst, I'm halfway to annoyed.
3. When they take forever in just coming out and saying what happened because they see that I'm somewhat annoyed, I end up snapping at them a bit out of frustration.

 

[Night]

Great thread title, Kangirl.

A real eye-catcher.

 

[Laurie]

I find a lot of times people think "you are trying to make me feel guilty waaaa" so maybe he is into that. He already feels bad and is trying to avoid you making him feel guilty.

 

[Rangler]

How long have you been going out? And, is this a regular occurrence?

 

[ajblaise]

About to be murdered: my INFP boyfriend.

We had a time set up at noon. He was 1 and a half hours late. He knew I would be mad (and yes, 1 and a half hours = very, very unhappy Kangirl) so he just hid from me all day and is now sending me Blackberries along the lines of "don't be mad" and "don't shout at me". No apologies, though. Sometimes I think this guy will melt a la the Wicked Witch if he utters the word "sorry", ever.

Is this an INFP thing? Why can't he just own up to being a dick and say sorry? It would go a long way to assuaging my anger at his timekeeping. He just makes it worse acting like a damned weasel.

*sharpens kitchen knives*

I'm not sure that not being able to say sorry is an INFP thing.... but hiding from an ENTJ's wrath sure is.

 

[Nadir]

He wants you to confront him.

I'm serious.

 

[BlackCat]

He wants you to confront him.

I'm serious.

Yeah... This too. I usually just want the confrontation over with, and I will usually say the things I need to say about whatever the confrontation is about while it goes on. If there is no confrontation then the feelings will linger in me and I will continue to feel guilty, which is a no go. I'll usually confront someone first if it gets to be too much, but if it's about a problem someone has about me then I'll wait.

 

[Kangirl]

How long have you been going out? And, is this a regular occurrence?

Almost 5 years and yes, it is a regular occurence. He is chronically late. This pisses me off. He is not chronically late to work. This pisses me off further.

I don't know, we just don't seem to be on the same wavelength about this kind of conflict. When he weasels around and avoids things/me it makes me angrier - a lot angrier than I initially feel. All I want is a genuine apology (he thinks explanations = apologies but no, they don't) and some attempt to make it up to me or make me feel better. I am willing and able to drop it if those 2 things are done. If I do confront him about it, his usual response is to get blow up and start shouting (I'm mad at him, so, he gets mad back is his reasoning).

Argh.

Well at least when the neighbours see the blood and call the police I'll be able to tell them it's not my fault because some people on the internetz told me to do it.

Gah. I really want to kick someone in the shins. Him.

 

[JivinJeffJones]

There comes a time with repeat offences when I feel I've lost my rights to use "sorry". So I don't use it (even though I know I should), and take the full consequences on the chin with repentant, opaque and slightly noble stoicism. Or I get pissed off at the person for being such a stickler for punctuality. Or I brood in my cave on the inextricable suckiness of me as demonstrated by my flagrant disregard for timeliness. Meditating on how things (eg relationships) fall apart and the centre doesn't hold. That sort of thing.

I think if you told him he could go some way towards making amends by simply apologizing he would be both surprised and pathetically relieved.

 

[Nonsensical]

Now, now..murdering doesn't solve problems here. Just talk to him straight up- calmly though, and don't be mean! Because chances are he feels really bad about it and he is scared to confront the ENTJ wrath, so just be open, calm, and get to the bottom, and move on. It shouldn't be a huge deal..

 

[Tiltyred]

He needs a good spanking.

 

[BlueScreen]

I like tiltyred's solution. It will add far more spice to the relationship than murder.

 

[Laurie]

Almost 5 years and yes, it is a regular occurence. He is chronically late. This pisses me off. He is not chronically late to work. This pisses me off further.

You have to decide if you want him the way he is. Does he really have to change for you? You are pissed at him as an individual. It is part of him.

Have you considered working around it? Telling him to be somewhere an hour early?