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  1. #1
    Member cheerchick23's Avatar
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    Default Why does she bother me so much? Is there a type that doesn't get along with ENFP's??

    Okay, first off HELLO im new here hehe.

    anyway. so, as an ENFP, (as most of you can identify with) i ususally get along with EVERYONE.... even if someone isn't like, my bestest friend ever, i can usually deal with them and find the best within them! but there's this one person.... i can't figure out what exactly it is... she just drives me UP THE WALL. and idk why! (and, as most of you will agree with, i HATE not knowing why i'm feeling a certain way! i always have to know why i feel what i feel. which is why this bothers me.)

    some background:

    k so she just moved here in january, and like the true ENFP i am, i was overjoyed to meet a new girl and me and my friends took her under our wing and were super sweet to her. she seemed like she fit perfectly. she was fun and cute and bubbly and hilarious, etc. and we hit it off INSTANTLY. then like a few weeks later we found out she was spreading some crap bout us and stuff, and then she became best friends with my ex... some weird stuff like that lol. and thru the whole thing she acts like she's still our bff and stuff. more weird stuff like that happened and she is kind of an attention seeker and feeds off drama... so no surprise there... but anyways. okay stuff like this has always happens in the past and i'm usually able to get over it like THAT and still be able to be friends with the person.... so what is it about this girl that i truly can't stand her? it's so unusual for me! :confused:

    my theories:
    it either has somthin to do with...
    -the fact that we were so sweet to her and she flipped around and backstabbed (enfps don't do well with criticism and "character attacks")
    -the fact she's so fake
    -the fact she's annoying
    -the fact that she is bff with my ex
    -the fact that i trusted her with very personal secrets that are now undoubtedly being spread to people i really don't want them to.... lol....


    hmm. anyway.

    i was wondering, is there a certain type that just really does not get along with ENFP's? i mean, is it somthin with her personality that just rubs me the wrong way? or is it one of my theories? has anyone ever felt this way before?

    any commentary whatsoever would be appreciated

  2. #2
    Senior Member Kyrielle's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by cheerchick23 View Post
    my theories:
    it either has somthin to do with...
    -the fact that we were so sweet to her and she flipped around and backstabbed (enfps don't do well with criticism and "character attacks")
    -the fact that she is bff with my ex
    -the fact that i trusted her with very personal secrets that are now undoubtedly being spread to people i really don't want them to.... lol....
    There ya go. You just answered your own question.

    Disliking her is perfectly fine given what she's gone and done. There's no rule that ENFPs, or anyone, has to like everyone. Grow some more backbone, and don't let her walk all over you like she's doing.

    I woud have shut her out and never spoken to her again having learned about her spreading around confidential information.
    "I took the one less traveled by,
    And that has made all the difference."

    Robert Frost

  3. #3
    Senior Member Dwigie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by cheerchick23 View Post
    Okay, first off HELLO im new here hehe.

    anyway. so, as an ENFP, (as most of you can identify with) i ususally get along with EVERYONE.... even if someone isn't like, my bestest friend ever, i can usually deal with them and find the best within them! but there's this one person.... i can't figure out what exactly it is... she just drives me UP THE WALL. and idk why! (and, as most of you will agree with, i HATE not knowing why i'm feeling a certain way! i always have to know why i feel what i feel. which is why this bothers me.)

    some background:

    k so she just moved here in january, and like the true ENFP i am, i was overjoyed to meet a new girl and me and my friends took her under our wing and were super sweet to her. she seemed like she fit perfectly. she was fun and cute and bubbly and hilarious, etc. and we hit it off INSTANTLY. then like a few weeks later we found out she was spreading some crap bout us and stuff, and then she became best friends with my ex... some weird stuff like that lol. and thru the whole thing she acts like she's still our bff and stuff. more weird stuff like that happened and she is kind of an attention seeker and feeds off drama... so no surprise there... but anyways. okay stuff like this has always happens in the past and i'm usually able to get over it like THAT and still be able to be friends with the person.... so what is it about this girl that i truly can't stand her? it's so unusual for me! :confused:

    my theories:
    it either has somthin to do with...
    -the fact that we were so sweet to her and she flipped around and backstabbed (enfps don't do well with criticism and "character attacks")
    -the fact she's so fake
    -the fact she's annoying
    -the fact that she is bff with my ex
    -the fact that i trusted her with very personal secrets that are now undoubtedly being spread to people i really don't want them to.... lol....


    hmm. anyway.

    i was wondering, is there a certain type that just really does not get along with ENFP's? i mean, is it somthin with her personality that just rubs me the wrong way? or is it one of my theories? has anyone ever felt this way before?

    any commentary whatsoever would be appreciated
    Agree with Kyrielle:
    down the garbage she goes in my opinion.
    Actually, I'd even confront her. How could someone do that to you and stroll around acting like you are best friends? That's the kind of thing that makes me go insane:steam:
    I'd first kind of "suggest" the topic by slipping it down conversations:
    "Don't you just hate fake people?" Don't you just hate backstabbers who think they're great at it but suck because the person knows actually? It's even sadder when the person still tries to be friends with them for some reason. Don't you agree [ insert name of said "friend"]. They either:
    -defend the backstabber as they identify with it.
    -agree and keep it fake.(it stinks miles away!)
    -get uncomfortable and change subject rather quickly.

    Ugh. I hate two-timers. I'd honestly rather eat and be alone than with people who backstab(bed) me.
    Sometimes I feel like I'm "on Mercury"-

  4. #4
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    i don't love confrontation either and tend to get along with most people too but if someone breaks my trust like that i just can't do it...i actually couldn't if i tried. i have no ability to pretend things are okay if they're not and i'm super protective of certain things so...she'd have to know about it. don't feel like you can't tell her...you really don't have to like everybody...but i don't think it's a type thing....she's just not very cool, so don't be friends with her.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  5. #5
    movin melodies kiddykat's Avatar
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    Ohhh... CheerChick.. I feel for ya.. Welcome btw!

    I think your boundaries got crossed, and I think her fakeness is what's bugging you most.

    I can tell when someone is truly nice or not. When I sense that shallow, fakeness in others, it makes me want to keep my distance.

    I also think that you felt taken for granted? As though your sincerity was just another way for someone to trample all over you?? IDK..

    My only advice (don't mean to impose or anything) is to shrug her off. Tell her that you don't appreciate what happened. If she can't respect you as a friend (I think we already know that), then stay away.. Find your energy in something else fun & exhilarating. If she's like that, then wish her well, bc if she's like that, then that's sad. You're different, so find better things to focus on? Life is what we make of it. Even if people we love don't quite mesh well with us, due to personality, values, both.. we can still channel our energy onto something more fun & creative as a way to maintain balance/happiness. =)

  6. #6
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    Oh you poor thing..

    Hmm, there are times when the ENFPs act all silly and seem to take things SO lightly that I would guess less scrupulous types would not hesitate to take advantage!!! They would even rationalize it as , 'aw it does not matter if I go out with her ex, she does not seem to mind. She seems so giddy/silly that she ppbly has gotten over it' or maybe they simply say, 'winner takes it all'.

    Whatever image your project certainly does NOT excuse her behaviour...

    I like Dwigie's suggestion. Be careful how you confront two-timers. Dwigie is right - it has to be slipped into conversations like she suggested. By no means, make my mistake and get mad and confront in the heat of the moment and be all righteous and demanding to get an explanation. These manipulators know how to suddenly turn the tables on you and it is then YOU the culprit. They excel at rationalizing everything to preserve their own self-image. And they'll hate your guts for ripping off their carefully constructed masks. Much better to do like Dwigie said, coolly, indirectly...

    Best thing to do if it is confirmed that she is a two-timer, keep interactions superficial as in (oh, hi, bye, sorry, busy) and slowly let her fade out of your life and do likewise.

    Oh, one last thing. Don't attempt to MBTI type a manipulator... It is not worth it. There are bad ppl everywhere.

  7. #7
    lab rat extraordinaire CrystalViolet's Avatar
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    Dude, she kinda stomped all over you and your friends. The trouble with you ENFP's is you are so sweet, enthusatic and kind hearted, you forget to be all suspicious, and guarded when some one new comes along, but then that's why you guys are cool, but you guys get hurt, when some one turns on you.
    Honestly, I'd kinda forget to return her calls, say hello, acknowledge her existent from now on in. Cut her off dead, and refuse to feed the drama machine. If she says something to about it, call her on her game.
    It will get bit uncomfy when she implodes, but then you are in control of the situation.
    Currently submerged under an avalanche of books and paper work. I may come back up for air from time to time.
    Real life awaits and she is a demanding mistress.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  8. #8
    Senior Member alcea rosea's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by cheerchick23 View Post

    i was wondering, is there a certain type that just really does not get along with ENFP's? i mean, is it somthin with her personality that just rubs me the wrong way? or is it one of my theories? has anyone ever felt this way before?

    any commentary whatsoever would be appreciated
    Hello!

    I don't know if it's certain type but I cannot stand bossy, controlling, inflexible people who cannot see things behind their own must's and should's.

    The girl you are describing is weird. Stay away from her. She is not worth of your time.

  9. #9
    RETIRED CzeCze's Avatar
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    I would just sit her down and have a chat with her and tell her that you've heard she's been talking badly about you. Give her a moment to respond. Or write her an e-mail. And then it's usually pretty clear after that you don't want to talk to her anymore. You can even just tell her, "I'm hurt that you betrayed our friendship like this and I'm weirded out by the fact you are now friends with my ex, so I'm sure you understand why we can't be friends anymore."
    “If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.” ― Oscar Wilde

    "I'm outtie 5000" ― Romulux

    Johari/Nohari

  10. #10
    mountain surfing nomadic's Avatar
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    okay, so she told ur ex some nasty stuff about you and your friends

    thats not really personality type related

    that just sounds like some shadiness/disrespect type stuff. u guys need to kick her ass, cus she's not scared or something. lolz

    it super bugs u cus u don't want her to talk smack about you to her ex, when u took her in. basically... IMO.

    i don't see why that doesn't call for an azz beating. unless u are into this new age emo crap. im stuck in the 90's so thats what i would do.

    just confront her.. say " so i heard u talkin shiet about me... is that true? after we took u in, and u talk shit about us behind our backs. WTF is wrong with you? why u actin like that?"

    and basically, depending on what her answer is, you can beat her or forgive her. like if she lies and says she didn't, u say

    "So what, u callin me a liar then?"

    u get the picture i think? haha

    that is so much better than this new age emo crap.

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