Hmm, do I have different sides to me... Not consciously. There's probably more of a continuum where as people get to know me they get more of the real opinions and less of the cheerful small talk. But the cheerful small talk is part of me too. Haha, I guess that should tell me something.
As I said X number of posts ago, though - buried somewhere in this fat thread - after thinking about it a bit I've realized that a lot of the problem is that I am afraid of being rejected by the "shallow" people due to not being able to relate to them on their own level. I know I can't click with everyone, but instead of telling myself that I tend to blame myself for whatever goes wrong, and then I become really wary of people with whom I can predict the same thing happening again. It's easier to relate when you can see someone's genuine self right away, but I just get confused by the guarded "socially acceptable" side that a lot of people present.
It is also partly an impatience to get to the deep stuff, and annoyance that I don't go there often enough or that people won't let me go there. But a lot of it is just not wanting any kind of social rejection. So I guess I'm kind of rejecting other people in advance.
Yeah, I saw your advice. I'm actually part of 2 clubs already and yes, people do come off as less shallow when you're all working toward something you care about. I'm more worried about not disliking people in Starbucks or wherever based on the conversation I hear while they're waiting for their latte, because that's just an awful downer. Guess working toward that will involve a) Understanding that I'm only seeing their surface side and b) Getting over my own problems. But thanks for your advice, enjoy your nap.