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  1. #21
    Senior Member Valhallahereicome's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by faith View Post
    Wow. It went from 'dislike' in the title to 'hate' now. I certainly dislike people on instinct, but hating is a whole different category. There are plenty of people who are good and kind, and who will probably do a great deal to benefit mankind, but who just rub me the wrong way and I don't care to be around them. That's not to say I hate them, though.
    Huh? Oh, what happy puppy said? No, I don't hate them - actually I can't think of anyone I hate. That was more rhetoric. Dislike is the best term, for me at least.

    EDIT: To Von Mittendorf - Ha, I plan to. Still got until the end of summer to finish school, though.

  2. #22
    Artisan Conquerer Halla74's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Valhallahereicome View Post
    ...When I talk to someone, it's generally easier to enjoy the conversation. Still, I meet too many people that I just can't relate to. (1) Shiny, smiley, fake people. Probably a fourth to a third of the people my age that I meet are like this. (2)I want to dig down beneath the surface and find something real that I can appreciate in them, but it's hard to penetrate that far down.

    (3)So I end up thinking that there's something wrong with me - maybe if I were more approachable, people would be more genuine. Or maybe if I were able to appreciate people for who they are, I would like them better.

    Reading this over, it sounds very INFP. Anyone else have thoughts?
    Please refer to the bolded above for context as to my comments:

    (1) Not everyone who is happy, or smiles for the matter is fake. Some people are genuinely happy, like me, and we don't try to be that way, we just are, and we're OK with it, and there's nothing wrong with that.

    (2) OK, you are getting lost in your own metaphors. How can you dig down deep into someone to find something you can really appreciate in them if you don't ever give them a chance in the first place, because you dislike them at first sound, or first sight?

    (3) I think the only thing wrong with you is your attitude and/or that you are hyper-critical of people you don't even know because of pet peeves or stereotypes that you don't identify with. Why do you like or dislike someone based on thier conversation with another, when you have no idea who they are, what they are talking about 100%, or what either of them has been through that day or the rest of their lives for the matter?

    You might want to chill out a little bit and maybe for starters, pick an activity that you wish to engage in that you have not already. Then join a club or social group that does it. It is at a place like that, that you have a chance to hear people talk about something that they are in to, just like you. WOW! Maybe then they won't seem so superficial and smiley and shiny and fake?

    Not trying to rant, but I think you are taking life and your simple everyday interactions/observations of people WAY too seriously. Try to lighten up a little bit. Smile! It's OK!



    -Alex

  3. #23
    Glycerine
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    Quote Originally Posted by Halla74 View Post
    Please refer to the bolded above for context as to my comments:

    (1) Not everyone who is happy, or smiles for the matter is fake. Some people are genuinely happy, like me, and we don't try to be that way, we just are, and we're OK with it, and there's nothing wrong with that.

    (2) OK, you are getting lost in your own metaphors. How can you dig down deep into someone to find something you can really appreciate in them if you don't ever give them a chance in the first place, because you dislike them at first sound, or first sight?

    (3) I think the only thing wrong with you is your attitude and/or that you are hyper-critical of people you don't even know because of pet peeves or stereotypes that you don't identify with. Why do you like or dislike someone based on thier conversation with another, when you have no idea who they are, what they are talking about 100%, or what either of them has been through that day or the rest of their lives for the matter?

    You might want to chill out a little bit and maybe for starters, pick an activity that you wish to engage in that you have not already. Then join a club or social group that does it. It is at a place like that, that you have a chance to hear people talk about something that they are in to, just like you. WOW! Maybe then they won't seem so superficial and smiley and shiny and fake?

    Not trying to rant, but I think you are taking life and your simple everyday interactions/observations of people WAY too seriously. Try to lighten up a little bit. Smile! It's OK!



    -Alex
    I like your perspective on things. It's refreshing and different!

  4. #24
    Welcome to Sunnyside Mondo's Avatar
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    I notice the phoniness too for many people but I don't dislike a person as a result.
    Many people would probably surprise you- most have a superficial side and a deep side.
    Never dislike a person on instinct.
    It is a foolish way of dealing with other people.
    It is what creates prejudice. It is how wars start.
    It is one of the many roots of why injustice is so prevalent in our society.
    MBTI Type: iNTj
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  5. #25
    darkened dreams labyrinthine's Avatar
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    Maybe I'll mention one of my personal heroes in the context of this thread. It is a woman I sort of knew who communicated in that surface way, and she had all the external trimming with bleached hair, breast implants, etc. We took a dance class together and interacted a bit, but never got that close. I know about her background and she faced abuse, neglect, etc. growing up and she made something of herself with not a great deal of support in her life. She is someone who could make an impression that simply does not tell the entire story. She has a kind of internal fortitude that I could only aspire to. The difficulties she has faced could well be related to her limited presentation of herself. People can go much deeper than they reveal on the surface. It is the same way my demeanor does not tell the entire story about who I am. It is okay for people to be private even if that sometimes mean they appear shallow, boring, unintelligent, passive, or whatever their personal reservations might imply.
    Step into my metaphysical room of mirrors.
    Fear of reality creates myopic morality
    So I guess it means there is trouble until the robins come
    (from Blue Velvet)

  6. #26
    Glycerine
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    To the OP, I have experienced similar problems but it's not really an initial dislike of a person, it's more like skepticism for me. Like Mondo, I, too, believe that most people have two sides. That's definitely true for me. I can be very immature/supericial one minute but deep and genuine the next. I will be the joker or just talk about surface things because I don't really want people all in my business or to judge me. Oh also, most people would probably not show their authentic self to a total stranger because that's the vulnerable side to each individual, imo. It's about building rapport first. Then the meaningfulness may come.

  7. #27
    Senior Member placebo's Avatar
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    I feel the same way a lot, about the triviality and just general dislike towards people, and I'm pretty sure it is a VERY INFP thing to feel like. Not really sure there's any other way to put it than that that's just how we are. Some people get it, some people don't. There's definitely a need to be connected to people, but it's kind of just the issue of finding the right people whose values are more in sync with yours. So many people seem oblivious or indifferent to the things that concern me and constantly consume my mind, and the frustration of never being able to find someone to talk to on that level, sorta breeds resentment towards the general crowd I think.

  8. #28
    Senior Member Valhallahereicome's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Halla74 View Post
    Please refer to the bolded above for context as to my comments:

    (1) Not everyone who is happy, or smiles for the matter is fake. Some people are genuinely happy, like me, and we don't try to be that way, we just are, and we're OK with it, and there's nothing wrong with that.

    (2) OK, you are getting lost in your own metaphors. How can you dig down deep into someone to find something you can really appreciate in them if you don't ever give them a chance in the first place, because you dislike them at first sound, or first sight?

    (3) I think the only thing wrong with you is your attitude and/or that you are hyper-critical of people you don't even know because of pet peeves or stereotypes that you don't identify with. Why do you like or dislike someone based on thier conversation with another, when you have no idea who they are, what they are talking about 100%, or what either of them has been through that day or the rest of their lives for the matter?

    You might want to chill out a little bit and maybe for starters, pick an activity that you wish to engage in that you have not already. Then join a club or social group that does it. It is at a place like that, that you have a chance to hear people talk about something that they are in to, just like you. WOW! Maybe then they won't seem so superficial and smiley and shiny and fake?

    Not trying to rant, but I think you are taking life and your simple everyday interactions/observations of people WAY too seriously. Try to lighten up a little bit. Smile! It's OK!



    -Alex
    Hoo boy! Obviously I didn't come across to you very well, Alex. That's all right, hopefully you're not judging me based on *ahem* your first impression, which I take it is one of constant gloom and doom.

    No, I'm pretty smiley and happy myself, and I am sometimes curious as to whether I come off as being superficial as well. Don't think so - I tend to be too sarcastic and blunt, but then again who knows. Like I said, I'm TRYING not to judge, because I know that the surface tells only part of the story. It just seems to be ingrained in me to take people at face value. That's something I'm trying to overcome and I was actually asking for advice on how to do so.

    The "chill out a bit" and attitude adjustment stuff wasn't exactly helpful, because clearly I already know I need to do that, but thanks anyway for your lovely comments. Maybe you should consider taking your own advice at times.

  9. #29
    Senior Member Valhallahereicome's Avatar
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    There's lots of good advice in this thread, sorry if I don't respond to all of it, but rest assured that I am thinking about it. Actually, I went to a dinner tonight where there were a few people I didn't know and for a good portion of the time I had this thread in the back of my mind. "Keep an open mind! Ask questions and try to get to know the person before you judge!" And it did work - one girl who had seemed a little bit fake on the surface turned out to be really sweet and we started joking around, and another who seemed very fake ended up opening up slightly and turns out that she paints and had some very good ideas for an art exhibit for our club.

    The idea that everyone has a superficial side and a deep side seems pretty reasonable; I guess I'm just experiencing INFP frustration at wanting to get to the deep stuff right away. Gotta keep that in check and remember that most of the rest of the world has different priorities.

  10. #30
    Senior Member prplchknz's Avatar
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    I'm sorry but is what the OP described the same thing as judging before getting to know someone? dear, that's not instinct that's just being human.
    In no likes experiment.

    that is all

    i dunno what else to say so

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