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  1. #11
    Senior Member Moiety's Avatar
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    Noigmn gave some good advice there.

    Quote Originally Posted by Cze Cze
    Even though we seem 'elusive' we actually feel real affectio nand interest in people and if we get 'shot down' more than 1x or feel that you aren't really that into us or for whatever reason, feel like it's not a good friend 'match' - we may back off.
    This is very true and has, personally, accounted for many misunderstandings. We are generally well-liked people, so playing too hard to get will probably compute as "it's not a natural connection, she's probably not interested in me at all" inside the ENFPs head. Like others said, don't be afraid to bug us, because quite frankly, we love the attention.

    INFJs girls are right up our alley, so you're in luck. You guys can be pretty closed-off, so some sort of positive feedback is much appreciated. Feeling like "the weird chick is opening up" to us will make our day. Deep conversations are definitely the key. Obviously silliness is intrinsic to ENFP nature, but what's important is that you'll indulge in the other stuff as well - stuff that is not so down-to-earth that we can talk about it with many people.

    I realize this is not telling you how to actively pursue a male ENFP, but then again that would be an answer far beyond my intellectual capabilities, if you catch my drift :P

  2. #12
    Senior Member Nonsensical's Avatar
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    Well..what attracts me and keeps me attached?

    I like it when girls are kind of the boss, as I'll aid them in anyway. So as long as they stay attached to me, stay engaged, and keep things lively, I'll stay attached. I really like open minded people and if the girl is a little too narrowed or controlling, it's not that great. I like having someone there, in general, and showing me affection so I can return the favor. It's hard to be specific, but I guess just having a healthy, rich, and deep relationship is always a plus.

    By the way, I find myself most attracted to INFPs and INFJs personalities, so that's probably good news for you.
    Is it that by its indefiniteness it shadows forth the heartless voids and immensities of the universe, and thus stabs us from behind with the thought of annihilation, when beholding the white depths of the milky way?

  3. #13
    Senior Member Lightyear's Avatar
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    Here is the story for those who are interested:

    I met this ENFP guy while travelling via coach from Berlin to the UK. We started chatting while crossing the English Channel and he told me that he had just finished studying Linguistics in Cambridge and was a vegan and a very active environmental activist who supported countless different causes. (Just our reasons for taking the coach instead of flying were very poignant: I took the coach because I was moving back to England and had so much luggage that that was the cheaper option, he took the coach instead of the plane in order to lessen the carbon footprint... I guess I am far more of a pragmatist.) We got on really well, talked for several hours about language, how it shapes your perception of the world and our country, environmental issues etc, he was just somebody that I felt I could really learn something from (despite him being a few years my junior) and someone I could open up to very quickly.

    We arrived in London around midday and I had a few hours to spare so he offered me to come to his parents' house and I thought: "Why not?" So we chatted for another hour on the bus to his house, he was a complete gentleman (his EQ was a 10 out of 10) carrying my luggage etc, I met his mum who gave me some vegan soup and introduced me to their sausage dog and they both pored over the newspaper of the previous day, which included an article about some environmental activists bringing a runway in London Stansted airport to a standstill (who of course turned out to be my little lingust's friends ) It was just a gloriously random evening.

    In passing he mentioned that he had a girlfriend (though I am unsure how important your gf is to you if you willingly spend several months apart from her and instead prefer to travel all over Europe trying to save the world), so I thought I would still like to stay in contact on a friendship basis and he encouraged me that he would give me the details of one of the environmental meetings this weekend, if I would just contact him via email. So I added him on Facebook, he accepted the invite and then I sent him a message concerning the meeting.

    And from then on I didn't get any reply. I contacted him via Facebook and via email and I sent him a text message (and one wishing him a Merry Christmas) but I didn't get any response at all so I thought: "He is obviously not interested in keeping in touch and I really don't have the time and am not willing to run after him. End of story." I left it at that until two months later out of the blue I got a message on Facebook from him saying, how in the last week he had regularly travelled through the station where our coach had arrived at, and he had been thinking of me repeatedly and was wondering how I was doing. I thought: "WTF??" but sent him a friendly reply, telling him that I would be happy to accompany him on one of his many campaign trails. And since then I haven't heard anything from him.

    To me that is just a bit of a mystery. How does the ENFP brain work?? I personally respond to most personal messages I receive (especially if I have been contacted several times by the same person), mainly because I don't want to hurt the other person's feelings by ignoring him or her. I also wouldn't just ask someone out of the blue how they are doing, just to disappear again completely while not bothering to respond to anything. Especially in a very busy city like London I very quickly put people like this "ad acta" since I really don't have the time to play around, either you are interested in keeping in touch and put at least some basic (even if irregular) effort into it or you are gone.

  4. #14
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    Lol, your story, though not similar in EVENTS, reminds me of my own confusion. My ENFP (who isn't really mine by any means) acts very, very engaged and interested, and then we hardly talk for a week. It all seems like mixed signals, but I don't think it is. I tend to think ENFPs really do understand mostly how they feel about something. So the real problem most likely rests in our interpretation. Perhaps this is indeed a difference between NFJs and NFPs?

  5. #15
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    what an interesting story...he sounds lovely and perhaps very busy and taking on more then he can handle, which we sometimes do. we're very passionate people that tend to be very excited by many things and underestimate the time necessary to do them all..he's probably telling the truth but then something came up...i can see that happening...i'm not that busy at all lately so i don't have an issue staying in contact with people but there have been times where it was more of a problem...but even so...you can't sit around and wait for the guy and you should certainly make it clear that you don't appreciate it...if it matters to him he'll be better about prioritizing.

    good luck...i love enfp guys, my dad was one and i think the positives outweigh the negatives.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  6. #16
    Was E.laur Laurie's Avatar
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    Until you get on an ENFP's radar you maybe need to remind them you are alive a few times. Once you get on the radar watch out - we can suffocate ya.

    I think he is just really busy but enjoyed spending time with you so doesn't want you to fall completely off the radar.

  7. #17
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    i know...my poor friends that i msg all the time.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  8. #18

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    Quote Originally Posted by Lightyear View Post
    Here is the story for those who are interested:

    I met this ENFP guy while travelling via coach from Berlin to the UK. We started chatting while crossing the English Channel and he told me that he had just finished studying Linguistics in Cambridge and was a vegan and a very active environmental activist who supported countless different causes. (Just our reasons for taking the coach instead of flying were very poignant: I took the coach because I was moving back to England and had so much luggage that that was the cheaper option, he took the coach instead of the plane in order to lessen the carbon footprint... I guess I am far more of a pragmatist.) We got on really well, talked for several hours about language, how it shapes your perception of the world and our country, environmental issues etc, he was just somebody that I felt I could really learn something from (despite him being a few years my junior) and someone I could open up to very quickly.

    We arrived in London around midday and I had a few hours to spare so he offered me to come to his parents' house and I thought: "Why not?" So we chatted for another hour on the bus to his house, he was a complete gentleman (his EQ was a 10 out of 10) carrying my luggage etc, I met his mum who gave me some vegan soup and introduced me to their sausage dog and they both pored over the newspaper of the previous day, which included an article about some environmental activists bringing a runway in London Stansted airport to a standstill (who of course turned out to be my little lingust's friends ) It was just a gloriously random evening.

    In passing he mentioned that he had a girlfriend (though I am unsure how important your gf is to you if you willingly spend several months apart from her and instead prefer to travel all over Europe trying to save the world), so I thought I would still like to stay in contact on a friendship basis and he encouraged me that he would give me the details of one of the environmental meetings this weekend, if I would just contact him via email. So I added him on Facebook, he accepted the invite and then I sent him a message concerning the meeting.

    And from then on I didn't get any reply. I contacted him via Facebook and via email and I sent him a text message (and one wishing him a Merry Christmas) but I didn't get any response at all so I thought: "He is obviously not interested in keeping in touch and I really don't have the time and am not willing to run after him. End of story." I left it at that until two months later out of the blue I got a message on Facebook from him saying, how in the last week he had regularly travelled through the station where our coach had arrived at, and he had been thinking of me repeatedly and was wondering how I was doing. I thought: "WTF??" but sent him a friendly reply, telling him that I would be happy to accompany him on one of his many campaign trails. And since then I haven't heard anything from him.

    To me that is just a bit of a mystery. How does the ENFP brain work?? I personally respond to most personal messages I receive (especially if I have been contacted several times by the same person), mainly because I don't want to hurt the other person's feelings by ignoring him or her. I also wouldn't just ask someone out of the blue how they are doing, just to disappear again completely while not bothering to respond to anything. Especially in a very busy city like London I very quickly put people like this "ad acta" since I really don't have the time to play around, either you are interested in keeping in touch and put at least some basic (even if irregular) effort into it or you are gone.
    Not to cast doubt on the better of our type, but he seems very active for an ENFP. What made you think ENFP, rather than ESFP? Or do you just know how to spot ENFPs (INFJs generally seem good at spotting us).

    I forget to reply to messages if I don't reply immediately. Sometimes I start replying and think, "I don't really know what I want to say." or "I want to say that but shouldn't.", then think I'll reply a little later when I'm thinking more clearly. Sometimes it just slips my mind though, or I think I replied already because I got most of the way through it but didn't finish. With that sort of stuff though I'm pretty big on replying back, because otherwise people feel nervous and get muddled. The other option is because he has a gf you move on and off the radar, because he likes you but doesn't want to betray the other love by acknowledging it.
    Freude, schöner Götterfunken Tochter aus Elysium, Wir betreten feuertrunken, Himmlische, dein Heiligtum! Deine Zauber binden wieder Was die Mode streng geteilt; Alle Menschen werden Brüder, Wo dein sanfter Flügel weilt.

  9. #19
    Was E.laur Laurie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by erinavery View Post
    i know...my poor friends that i msg all the time.
    Some friends like to tease me that I say they are ignoring me if they don't respond in under 5 minutes when they are at work. Other people I've added to yahoo say that I ignore people in yahoo. It's really about if you are on my attention list or not.

    I wish there was a more middle ground.

  10. #20
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Elaur View Post
    Some friends like to tease me that I say they are ignoring me if they don't respond in under 5 minutes when they are at work. Other people I've added to yahoo say that I ignore people in yahoo. It's really about if you are on my attention list or not.

    I wish there was a more middle ground.
    i know me too..
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

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