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  1. #11
    Senior Member hokie912's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Immaculate Cloud View Post
    A few more questions. How does your best friend the INFJ know he/she is your best friend or one of your best friends? Do you say it? Or do you express it differently?
    This wasn't directed to me, but my best friend is another INFJ...and I'm not sure we've ever directly said it to one another, although we have in roundabout, indirect ways. I think we're mutually uncomfortable expressing things like that aloud (I wonder why? initial fear of rejection? feeling like it's obvious and doesn't need to be expressed?), but we have an amazing relationship where I can trust her with anything, and vice versa. She is probably a bit more reserved in her expression of feelings than I am, and I take cues from her in that regard.

  2. #12
    Member Antreus's Avatar
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    My mother is an INFJ and my father is an ENFP. Invariably, I fall between the two. I test INFJ/INFP very often.

    I have to say in many ways, Tiny Army is correct. INFJ/INFP do need to feel protected and once they are I don't think there is much they cannot do. I think it helps us get clarity and feel confident.

    If I did not have the bubble and safety of my family I do believe I would be in much more dire straights. Rather thankful for that clarity of vision. For a long time my father did not understand me, however, or from what I have heard it took awhile to understand my mother completely either. As an adult now I know, emphatically, at the root-- that my father trusts me a great deal more to take care of things as I mature. I have a rather large family and I am the second to youngest child.

    My mom needs a lot of encouragement and honestly that is probably all. Simple. I blur the lines quite a lot but encouragement, real words, tough love. These things I can use and they are not superficial to me because I can transform them and awaken new parts of myself to understand.

    They have been married 40 years and they are a very successful couple together. My father understands that what my mother is feeling she really feels and makes a great deal of effort to comfort, encourage, and understand her point of view. Even if it makes no sense to him.

    He's benefited a great deal, mutually, they both have. Encouragement is key in that relationship. To give an example of that loyalty, my mother hiked the highest peak in Africa with my dad. I think they are unstoppable. My mother is very microcosmic at times and my father very broad. My father is always pushing my mother to expand and when she does she fills it and meets the need completely and readily.

  3. #13
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    A few more questions. How does your best friend the INFJ know he/she is your best friend or one of your best friends? Do you say it? Or do you express it differently?
    i think i've said it about her in her presence...or mentioned how i want us to always be friends and i spend more time with her than anyone else.

    Were you one day to have an INFJ child (hey, these genes might skip a generation and express themselves in your child!), how would YOU parent him or her? What pitfalls would you avoid? What would you do?
    i can't answer that...i have no idea.



    Quote Originally Posted by Antreus View Post
    My mother is an INFJ and my father is an ENFP. Invariably, I fall between the two. I test INFJ/INFP very often.

    I have to say in many ways, Tiny Army is correct. INFJ/INFP do need to feel protected and once they are I don't think there is much they cannot do. I think it helps us get clarity and feel confident.

    If I did not have the bubble and safety of my family I do believe I would be in much more dire straights. Rather thankful for that clarity of vision. For a long time my father did not understand me, however, or from what I have heard it took awhile to understand my mother completely either. As an adult now I know, emphatically, at the root-- that my father trusts me a great deal more to take care of things as I mature. I have a rather large family and I am the second to youngest child.

    My mom needs a lot of encouragement and honestly that is probably all. Simple. I blur the lines quite a lot but encouragement, real words, tough love. These things I can use and they are not superficial to me because I can transform them and awaken new parts of myself to understand.

    They have been married 40 years and they are a very successful couple together. My father understands that what my mother is feeling she really feels and makes a great deal of effort to comfort, encourage, and understand her point of view. Even if it makes no sense to him.

    He's benefited a great deal, mutually, they both have. Encouragement is key in that relationship. To give an example of that loyalty, my mother hiked the highest peak in Africa with my dad. I think they are unstoppable. My mother is very microcosmic at times and my father very broad. My father is always pushing my mother to expand and when she does she fills it and meets the need completely and readily.
    i can echo a lot of that too actually...my father was an enfp and he and my mother had a similar relationship...him with the crazy ideas and big bold dreams...her with the ability to put it into action and going along for the ride...they seemed to have a great deal of mutual respect for one another and always very encouraging and complimentary of each other...i never heard ANY nagging or belittling.

    really surprised to hear that your father didn't understand you though...that's what we do.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  4. #14
    Senior Member Tiny Army's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Immaculate Cloud View Post
    Are all ENFPs the champions to INFJ kids who are still trying to figure out things in this complicated world?

    No, but they should be!

  5. #15

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    Wow Antreus,

    maybe I need to go out more to catch that ENFP mate!!! Your dad must be vry special for your mom to do that mountain climbing expedition with him... An apt image, the long arduous climb of life together. Very symbolic. Putting up with all the discomforts that entails. So you come out INFJ/INFP very often. How are you on the E/I scale? Middle? I would say with a dad who is always seeing broad horizons and far pavilions, you probably have well-developed Fe? And good social skills?

  6. #16
    Member Antreus's Avatar
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    Yes, I do have good social skills. My introversion is usually around 20%. I do have a strong Fe, however, I do feel drained somewhat and I run into getting attached because I feel responsible for any feeling that I let out.

    I love talking one on one with people, especially when we start having real conversations. One on one with any friend or acquaintances makes them much more than an acquaintance in less than 30 minutes I would say. I hear things like, " Man, it's been a long time since I was able to talk to people about this." Or being able to read a feeling before it's spoken and clearly state, it's okay, I understand, no need to say anything and get a response back saying , ' Thank You. ' Because they know I got it.

    Every now and then I do come out of my shell, thanks to my need to reach out to people, it keeps me from going too far into hermit mode. And when I do have an opportunity to meet someone whether at the Coffee shop or elsewhere, they are usually, very interesting people. I am able to have great conversations, however, in large groups I feel much more disassociated if I do not have at least one companion holding my brain. It's moving that fast so I talk much less. At parties I am usually trying to make my self useful, a bit restless, trying to manage the chaos. I tend to find myself in the kitchen, cleaning dishes, cooking, that sort of thing. Background work, but it is rewarding for me, because I get to see everyone having fun and laughing. This makes me laugh too to know I am contributing to their happiness.

    It also has the reverse affect you know and funny it just yesterday found out a friend split up with a boyfriend. I wasn't surprised, as I told her I didn't like him to begin with. Shocking? Nah, it's all empathy and obviously a lack of empathy in any relationship is bound to fail outright.

  7. #17
    Member Antreus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by erinavery View Post
    i think i've said it about her in her presence...or mentioned how i want us to always be friends and i spend more time with her than anyone else.


    i can't answer that...i have no idea.





    i can echo a lot of that too actually...my father was an enfp and he and my mother had a similar relationship...him with the crazy ideas and big bold dreams...her with the ability to put it into action and going along for the ride...they seemed to have a great deal of mutual respect for one another and always very encouraging and complimentary of each other...i never heard ANY nagging or belittling.

    really surprised to hear that your father didn't understand you though...that's what we do.
    He only did once I left the house. Then he began to see how similar I was to my mother. I think it was because as a child I was very solitary and I did not enjoy any of the activities he enjoyed. One example I can recall of my childhood that is similar to my mothers is that I went hiking with my father one year only because I wanted to be with him even though I hated it..

    Not to say he didn't try but definitely for him, he's come a long way, he has tried to understand but he failed a lot and he probably beats himself for it sometimes. I can show no outward emotion and be somewhat apathetic on the outside, I know I can be, albeit it isn't my best function. Especially if the environment forces me to cover up. That and being an extremely emotional male character at a young age, I don't think many people know how to deal with that. It's all placid on the surface but rapids beneath. I clearly can show characteristics of any IN and in different stages of my life I have seen them all. Growing up I made use of INTP I think rather heavily because of my experience with computers from an early age. Moving out on my own, meeting new people that weren't all the same to me, cleared my apathy and cynical nature that I had built up. It really helped me get out of TP mode and bridge back into FJ mode, even though I think I was an FP as a child.

    I had a lot of support from my mother obviously, I really don't have much regrets from my family, maybe a few. My mother was a great teacher, always very sensitive to me. We almost have a psychic bond. I feel rather blessed to have them all.

  8. #18

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    Quote Originally Posted by Immaculate Cloud View Post
    I have read the usual posts on the ENFP and the INFJ or the INTJ being supposedly a match made in Heaven...

    I'd like to know more about mother-child interactions though. Any real life experiences?

    Potential sources of conflict as well as positive experiences and maybe if you have lived it, how the mother-child interaction evolved over time.

    What do you share and can share together.

    Issues of discipline, validation, etc. Tx.
    I am an ENFP daughter to an INFJ mother.
    CONFLICT is an understatement. This may just be due to character flaws, but it put both of us in therapy. True to INFJ style, she wanted to raise an independent child, but left me feeling robbed of a childhood as I had to manage my own life and made major decisions by the age of 7.
    Also true to INFJ, once I hit the teenage years and was a person completely opposite of her, manipulation and guilt became her way of dealing with me. My whole life, I was (and still am, to an extent) a tomboy. My mom was a cheerleader turned hair stylist, so we very rarely saw eye-to-eye.
    Now that I am an adult and we live on opposite sides of the country, we do well for visits that last up to 7 days.

  9. #19
    Administrator highlander's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mandajo View Post
    I am an ENFP daughter to an INFJ mother.
    CONFLICT is an understatement. This may just be due to character flaws, but it put both of us in therapy. True to INFJ style, she wanted to raise an independent child, but left me feeling robbed of a childhood as I had to manage my own life and made major decisions by the age of 7.
    Also true to INFJ, once I hit the teenage years and was a person completely opposite of her, manipulation and guilt became her way of dealing with me. My whole life, I was (and still am, to an extent) a tomboy. My mom was a cheerleader turned hair stylist, so we very rarely saw eye-to-eye.
    Now that I am an adult and we live on opposite sides of the country, we do well for visits that last up to 7 days.
    It's interesting, I've seen it described as a match made in heaven and then I've also seen ENFPs and INFJs go at it here on this forum. The ENFPs can get the INFJ riled up like nobody I've ever seen and the ENFP is like, "uh what happened???... all confused".

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