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  1. #11
    Senior Member Kyrielle's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PinkPiranha View Post
    Do other NFJs need time to clear their heads, and if they don't get that time, feel resentful?

    The intensity of my feelings can be almost choking sometimes.
    Yes, very much so. I'm a rather reactive person, surprisingly (because most of the time I'm fairly even-keel, or at least on the outside I am). When something upsets me, my reaction is initally incredibly strong, but once I've been able to get it all out of me, I have to go sit by myself for a little bit so I can stop being angry. It's a process that needs no one around, because I might cry or I might just seethe for a while and let things slowly congeal in my head. Once I'm all done being upset, I have no problem sitting down and facing the situation calmly and rationally. Not giving me that space only pushes my buttons...so does not taking me seriously when I'm angry (because I am so very rarely actually angry)...and I've learned that pushing my buttons when I'm like that is bad for everyone.
    "I took the one less traveled by,
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  2. #12
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    My wife takes all night, maybe into the next day. The thing I struggle with is that I just have to know that its over. Cant attempt to early and if I wait to long she assumes I am mad at her. Its like your damned if you do and your damned if you dont.

  3. #13
    Senior Member ThatsWhatHeSaid's Avatar
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    Calm down Pink. You're being dramatic.

  4. #14
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ThatsWhatHeSaid View Post
    Calm down Pink. You're being dramatic.
    Boy...

    *takes you out to the woodpile*

  5. #15
    Revelation Lauren Ashley's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kyrielle View Post
    Yes, very much so. I'm a rather reactive person, surprisingly (because most of the time I'm fairly even-keel, or at least on the outside I am). When something upsets me, my reaction is initally incredibly strong, but once I've been able to get it all out of me, I have to go sit by myself for a little bit so I can stop being angry. It's a process that needs no one around, because I might cry or I might just seethe for a while and let things slowly congeal in my head. Once I'm all done being upset, I have no problem sitting down and facing the situation calmly and rationally. Not giving me that space only pushes my buttons...so does not taking me seriously when I'm angry (because I am so very rarely actually angry)...and I've learned that pushing my buttons when I'm like that is bad for everyone.
    This is exactly what it is like for me as well. I need to get away.

  6. #16
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
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    Ok, so I'm seeing a theme of not being rushed through one's feelings until one has felt them return to a natural balance on their own. If I get pushed to "talk about it" too much/too early, I just explode into a ball of spines. And as cascade said, it's impossible to talk about it when I'm not entirely sure yet how I felt about what just happened. I also resent being pushed to talk because it feels like a demand to share/expose something of myself with someone who just hurt me.

    This goes for bad fights only. Not common tiffs.

    My mind seems to go blank and all I can think about is getting off alone to get things back online.

    I think maybe Ni has a big hand in this. It wants to sift through everything and make its connections before releasing the event.

  7. #17
    4x9 cascadeco's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PinkPiranha View Post

    My mind seems to go blank and all I can think about is getting off alone to get things back online.

    I think maybe Ni has a big hand in this. It wants to sift through everything and make its connections before releasing the event.
    I totally agree.

    And for myself at least, I also want to assess to make sure my feelings are 'justified', and I'm not blowing things out of proportion, and am not NOT seeing another side to the situation, that it's not just my own defense mechanisms, figuring out exactly what I DO think/feel, etc etc infinite etc.. But again, mostly just getting myself back to a baseline.

    Interesting also that you mention mind going blank. That's something that will occur to me if I am put on the spot and especially if I'm feeling flustered or agitated about a situation. My mind can become virtually blank in that state...almost panicky...and therefore there isn't anything I am *able*to say!! haha.
    "...On and on and on and on he strode, far out over the sands, singing wildly to the sea, crying to greet the advent of the life that had cried to him." - James Joyce

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  8. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by PinkPiranha View Post
    My mind seems to go blank and all I can think about is getting off alone to get things back online.

    I think maybe Ni has a big hand in this. It wants to sift through everything and make its connections before releasing the event.
    Ni doorslam, literally

  9. #19
    unscannable Tigerlily's Avatar
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    what kind of hurt are we talking about here? someone calls you an emotional train wreck pleb do you want to gauge their eyes out immediately? lets get down to the nitty gritty here. ;P

    I was mildly irritated this morning with a woman at the bus stop for commenting on another child's behavior because my own son is "different" to most kids. I told her in a calm tone that he's a kid and shouldn't be judged so harshly. am i still annoyed? no because I expect this type of thing from her. she's zzzz on a good day.

    just trying to gauge what type of "upset" we're talking about here and i do realise that we all have our own passions so of course what upsets you might not upset me, etc.
    Time is a delicate mistress.

  10. #20
    12 and a half weeks BerberElla's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by erinavery View Post
    my anger last about as long as a sparkler...it burns hot and fast and then it's over...i wish i could stay mad longer...it just requires effort to stay mad...it's like i just automatically revert to my happy state of mind.
    I know what you mean. Once it's out I'm better and over it.

    Hah, at least I have a clearer idea of what types certain friends may have been back in the days.

    This one girl wouldn't talk to me for days, usually because I put my foot in my mouth and said something insensitive (which I didn't mean, I'm just a joker) and we argued about it, and she made it fester.

    She always needed time before she was ready to make up, maybe it's a j thing, it's bloody frustrating though, can't we just kiss and make up?
    Echo - "So are you trying to say she is Evil"

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