The term, "choose your battles" is rather apt for people with low tolerance for conflict.
Also, it is extremely important to not internalize a sense of being victimized. Even if a person has been victimized, to make that part of one's personal identity and narrative can perpetuate it. It does not typically enlighten, but distorts and justifies all kinds of negativity. Retreat when needed, and choose to be surrounded by a few who make you stronger.
I find with family, if you can't interact without getting hurt for some reason, then find ways to retreat and get re-centered, but then reassure them with kindnesses on your terms. Send the thoughtful gift or phone call, and then take the time off you need to recharge if something was said that made you feel badly about yourself.
While there can be some element of truth in that Dr. Phil statement, assuming one has that level of control over other people is ludicrous. Consider that statement when dealing with theft or violent crime? Now take it down to more typical interactions. Yes, it is possible in some cases to moderate other people's behavior towards yourself, but it is only to some degree in some cases. Certainly worth a try, but a complete belief in such a statement could result in someone becoming a very disappointed control freak.