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  1. #1
    Junior Member step0nmi's Avatar
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    Unhappy ENFPs having to do it all?

    Lately I have been thinking about the fact that I feel like I have to "do it all" or be "everything" in my life. I'm not satisfied if I'm not being creative or working with my hands. I want to be a working woman and also take care of the house. I guess a lot of it has to do with looking so far into the future. I'm a college student and don't have a lot of time for myself or how to figure out the things that I "want" to do. I know this is the ENFP in me, but...

    Is this you?
    If this is, how do you deal with it?
    It's not a small world, people just don't talk enough.

  2. #2
    Senior Member Nonsensical's Avatar
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    My dad's an ENFP and everything you stated in your post relates back to him 100%.

    I guess it's the problem with us NFPs, because I kind of relate too. It's hard to think of yourself when so many other things need tending to. I think the way I would do it is to incorperate my bliss and creativity into my day to day business. Don't look at things the same, take a different stand point on naverage things, do things differently than normal people, be creative, weird, just unleash your feelings into your physical environment. I haven't really gotten to the point in my life where I've taken a step back and been in the same situation as you, so this is all I can really say. Just be creative and unique in your day to day life..it will result in less boredom, and more happiness.

    That's all I can really say. Good luck, my friend! It's always going to be a struggle between self and others, I understand completely, because I feel the same way as you.
    Is it that by its indefiniteness it shadows forth the heartless voids and immensities of the universe, and thus stabs us from behind with the thought of annihilation, when beholding the white depths of the milky way?

  3. #3
    Shaman BlackCat's Avatar
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    My ENFP mom does this, and she has such high expectations for what she needs to do. She then realizes she can't complete everything and begs for my help. When I refuse she tells me I don't love her.

    If you could give me a way to let her "deal with it" then that would be great.
    () 9w8-3w4-7w6 tritype.

    sCueI (primary Inquisition)

  4. #4
    Junior Member step0nmi's Avatar
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    actually...not being creative right now is probably why I'm feeling this way :P I use to do so many things and maybe it's because of my recent moving? i dunno

    I just never know how to fight it! maybe just trying to do something creative everyday IS the answer...whether i need to or not.

    I'm glad others feel the same ;D I was starting to think I was alone
    It's not a small world, people just don't talk enough.

  5. #5
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    to the point of paralysis at times...not knowing what to do first or which direction to take...too many ideas swirling about it's hard to focus. it's maddening.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  6. #6
    Junior Member step0nmi's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BlackCat View Post
    My ENFP mom does this, and she has such high expectations for what she needs to do. She then realizes she can't complete everything and begs for my help. When I refuse she tells me I don't love her.

    If you could give me a way to let her "deal with it" then that would be great.

    ugh...I can soo relate to that! I guess it really is the ENFP for those "high expectations". and it only comes from within ya know. It's weird like that.

    How come you don't help her? which part are you trying to help her with...the actual "doing" or the "freaking out"? cuz I know when I get overwhelmed i tend to freak out...and I don't want help with that. try not to refuse once and just start doing see what happens to her then
    It's not a small world, people just don't talk enough.

  7. #7
    Senior Member Nonsensical's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by step0nmi View Post
    actually...not being creative right now is probably why I'm feeling this way :P I use to do so many things and maybe it's because of my recent moving? i dunno

    I just never know how to fight it! maybe just trying to do something creative everyday IS the answer...whether i need to or not.

    I'm glad others feel the same ;D I was starting to think I was alone
    Never alone! when the rivers run dry, when the clouds don't shine in bright colors, us NFPs get depressed..lack of creativity, difference, uniqueness takes away from our character..
    Is it that by its indefiniteness it shadows forth the heartless voids and immensities of the universe, and thus stabs us from behind with the thought of annihilation, when beholding the white depths of the milky way?

  8. #8
    Junior Member step0nmi's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by erinavery View Post
    to the point of paralysis at times...not knowing what to do first or which direction to take...too many ideas swirling about it's hard to focus. it's maddening.
    UGH! yes! that is the feeling!

    why is it so hard to try and do one thing at a time in our brains?
    its these kinds of feelings that I can't decide on where to go either...and I know that's the P in me, ugh :P
    It's not a small world, people just don't talk enough.

  9. #9
    Junior Member step0nmi's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by OneWithSoul View Post
    Never alone! when the rivers run dry, when the clouds don't shine in bright colors, us NFPs get depressed..lack of creativity, difference, uniqueness takes away from our character..
    it's like you read my mind!

    it's kind of like I wish someone would just hand me something creative to do without me asking. I feel like I have to work sooo hard to find what to use my creativeness for. normally I'm decorating cakes...but, that's not happening lately. and I've been eating WAY to many desserts lately...will NOT be baking cake
    It's not a small world, people just don't talk enough.

  10. #10
    Shaman BlackCat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by step0nmi View Post
    How come you don't help her?
    It's none of my business. I don't ask for help with much, but when I do I will ask a friend and if they can't then that's fine. I won't freak out and hate them for it. It's the same kind of favor, asking a friend to help you and if they can't then that's fine. That's how I see my mom asking me to do something is.

    Here is a situation. It's actually happened.

    Mom: "Chris can you help me move this stuff? It's just a few boxes." This means it's actually about 20 boxes.
    Me: "No I can't, I'm doing homework and after that I need to continue writing." I like to write stories in my spare time.
    Mom: "Why don't you want to help me?"
    Me: "Nothing in those boxes is mine, and none of them are heavy, and I'm busy."

    Then she gets mad at me.

    I tried actually helping her for the chance she might shut up, then she listed everything she needed to be done in a commanding tone and expected me to sit there all day (it would have taken 5 hours to do everything) and do these things for her. Her idea of me "helping" is me doing everything with her talking on the phone.

    She says I should do these things because I'm her son. No other reasoning behind this. Nothing she wants done has to do with me whatsoever. Just because I'm your kid doesn't make me your peon.

    It's ironic. When I'm with my dad (parents are divorced for this exact reason, dad got tired of her, he's an INTP) and I see that he is working on something, he never asks for help. If I see him working hard at something then I will offer to help out of pure courtesy, because I love and respect my dad and my dad does the same back to me. I don't feel any respect from my mom at all. He will never ask for much regardless when I offer, it's always "Can you hand me that tool?" or something along those lines.

    My advice to you would be to pace yourself. You can't cram in everything all at once that you want to do. Make a list and do the things you want to do in order. If you try to do everything way too fast then you will just get stressed out and nothing will get done due to that.
    () 9w8-3w4-7w6 tritype.

    sCueI (primary Inquisition)

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