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  1. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by Costrin View Post
    Maybe I only think this because I'm also a teenager myself, but I disagree entirely. For anyone, they have to earn my respect, they don't automatically start out with it. This applies even to parents. Being born isn't a choice on the child's part. He didn't choose to be born, to have these parents. And taking care of a kid is the societal norm. That's what expected of you, what your supposed to do, so you should only get respect from your child if you prove that your worth it. Generally, most parents do though, but if the parent just does the minimum, or worse, then no, they aren't worthy of the child's respect.

    In BlackCat's case, it seems (though we're only hearing one side) that his mom does not have the qualities of a good parent, and thus isn't worthy of respect in that regard.
    The parent didnt choose your type though. Some types dont get together very well, some types dont understand the other person. As a child gets older they need to learn to try to be flexible also. We dont teach how to understand other people or how to bend with them and see there weaknesses so how do you expect the types that are not naturally good at those things to all of a sudden be good just because they become a parent? The kid will rebel, they have lived with it to the point where they dont want to change at all. There are 2 sides here.
    Im out, its been fun

  2. #22
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    I am so much like an ENFP, but the way we go about things is different. My goal in life is to be happy, nothing more, I just want to enjoy life. When life causes this happiness to fade, we will do what we know how to get it back to this point. For an ISTP we will simplify, we will try to become more efficient and it will not stop until we become finally find a way to enjoy life again. At some point we will say fuck it and just stop and let everything crash and start over. I think for an ENFP instead of trying to be more efficient you push to fix everything so you can relax and just be happy. The balance for an ENFP is that they do not rely on others so they will finally crash and have to reset. The good thing is that you are independent so when you crash you dont blame those around you for not doing enough to help you suceed. Its how we learn what we can handle and how far we can bend. This also causes us to be stronger as a person. I agree it sucks, but I can tell you when I crash is when I learn the most about myself.
    Im out, its been fun

  3. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by poki View Post
    The parent didnt choose your type though. Some types dont get together very well, some types dont understand the other person. As a child gets older they need to learn to try to be flexible also. We dont teach how to understand other people or how to bend with them and see there weaknesses so how do you expect the types that are not naturally good at those things to all of a sudden be good just because they become a parent? The kid will rebel, they have lived with it to the point where they dont want to change at all. There are 2 sides here.
    It's not the kid's type, it's how the kid gets treated that influences how he respects the parent.

    EDIT: To be specific about the topic's answer as to how to deal with your problem of having to do it all, you are going to have to pace yourself with everything you do. That's all you can do, you have to learn to do it though. It will take some time. Don't take it too much at a time either.
    () 9w8-3w4-7w6 tritype.

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  4. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by BlackCat View Post
    It's not the kid's type, it's how the kid gets treated that influences how he respects the parent.

    EDIT: To be specific about the topic's answer as to how to deal with your problem of having to do it all, you are going to have to pace yourself with everything you do. That's all you can do, you have to learn to do it though. It will take some time. Don't take it too much at a time either.
    Doesnt type play a big role in how we treat people? Learning someone types helps you understand that person and gives you the ability to see there strengths. It is human nature to treat others how we want to be treated, but I can tell you that some people dont want to be treated the same as me. I agree its how the kid gets treated, but certain types arent inclined to pick up how others feel. One thing learning MBTI is about is being able to understand people weakness and this allows you to forgive them. It helps you see why they did what they did. There are so many circumstances that come into play and we can only do what we know how. We are also limited by what we are taught, your parents were limited by there environment, do you have to respect them no. But understanding who they are and what they went through will help you love them. Everything in life happens for a reason and we are all influenced by the outside world, Our external percieving function is what is used by Ti/Fi to define who we are inside, put crap in, get crap out.

    I dont know you circumstance and usually children who dont get along with there parents really get to understand there parents circumstance and what they went through especially if they dont understand type and dont understand why that person did what they did.
    Im out, its been fun

  5. #25
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    When you're living with someone all that really matters is that you get along with the person and you function somewhat the same. Parents and kids will naturally not function the same way because the parent is in an assumed position of leadership over the kid. Even if my mom was another INFP instead of an ENFP it would still be different. I know that MBTI is all about learning how to get along with people, but what if said people are just impossible? MBTI becomes useless. That's why it all boils down to parent-child for me, and in other cases it could boil down to employee-boss. No matter how much you understand how much your boss functions they will still be your boss.

    I entirely understand my mom's situation and she understands mine. It doesn't really change much.
    () 9w8-3w4-7w6 tritype.

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  6. #26
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    I know a drug addict that has been in and out of jail. Our first response is to judge them, possibly because they are weak. But once you see that they an ENFJ that grew up in a screwed up family, you start to see that thier dominant Fe drove them nuts because they kept trying to help and help and give everything they had. Nothing they tried worked so eventually they crashed and gave in, when they finally got things fixed they are still surrounded by all the crap and they just need to fix it all because of there Fe which caused them to hit a wall and give in. Who do you blame? They were never taught how to ignore there empathy and what tough love is. They never learned that people need to suffer so they can learn from there mistakes. They were so busy focusing on everyone that was screwed up and they didnt realize they were stepping on others in the process. When you get this screwed up how do you realize what you are doing to your kids?

    Sorry this is extreme, but is very close to home. I am not the kid nor the parent, but someone I know and love very much is the kid. Before MBTI I didnt understand any of this, but after MBTI I see this person in a whole new light.
    Im out, its been fun

  7. #27
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    Did you read the rest of the thread? All of my problems with her are listed there basically, it all stems from the OP's topic of them taking too much on. When my mom takes too much on she expects me to help. It's not about function order or anything like that with what our disagreements come from.
    () 9w8-3w4-7w6 tritype.

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  8. #28
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    Quote Originally Posted by BlackCat View Post
    When you're living with someone all that really matters is that you get along with the person and you function somewhat the same. Parents and kids will naturally not function the same way because the parent is in an assumed position of leadership over the kid. Even if my mom was another INFP instead of an ENFP it would still be different. I know that MBTI is all about learning how to get along with people, but what if said people are just impossible? MBTI becomes useless. That's why it all boils down to parent-child for me, and in other cases it could boil down to employee-boss. No matter how much you understand how much your boss functions they will still be your boss.

    I entirely understand my mom's situation and she understands mine. It doesn't really change much.
    If said people are impossible then you may be expecting way to much from them for the wrong things. You may be needing from them something they just dont know how to do. This is the strengths and weaknesses. My dad is ISTP. I dont go to him about certain things because I know he cant provide them to the level that I need, but I do recognize his strengths and when I need those I turn to him.

    I am not trying to change your view, just trying to get you to see things from a different perspective. This is also me trying not to blame the person and blame the circumstances. When you blame the person you lose hope for that person, blaming the circumstance helps keep up your hope. I think this is my Fe.
    Im out, its been fun

  9. #29
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    Quote Originally Posted by BlackCat View Post
    Did you read the rest of the thread? All of my problems with her are listed there basically, it all stems from the OP's topic of them taking too much on. When my mom takes too much on she expects me to help. It's not about function order or anything like that with what our disagreements come from.
    It is function though. My wife(ENFJ) blames me all the time because when she takes to much on she expects me to be her support and all hell breaks lose when I cant do it to her standards. I begged and pleaded with her to lower her standards to the point of leaving because I cant meet them and she expects me to meet them. Well her base(me) realized that in the process of helping her do everything that I was stepping on my kid and getting frustrated with him(no this is not related to the drug post above). When I realized i was stepping on my kid I cracked and hit the fuck it point fast, shortly after she crashed without my help and with the help of a counselor realized that she needs to learn her boundaries. It was ugly for years because I could not meet her expectations until eventually it all just crashed. Everything was my fault because she needed me and I couldnt do it. Everyone around her was telling her to slow down, but she wouldnt listen, she kept pushing and in the process kept expecting more and more. It is the personality type that causes the drive that you are speaking of.
    Im out, its been fun

  10. #30
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    The difference I have noticed with an ENFP and an ENFJ is that while both are bubbly and fun to be with and out going. An ENFJ needs a base of support and it is this base that they will end up stepping all over trying to get things done. At times stepping on the base even though it is the base that they are doing it for. An ENFP is very independent and does not expect someone to help them. They are the base. When an ENFJ stumbles they will blame it on the base, but when an ENFP eventually breaks they have no base to blame it on because they took it all on without expecting help.
    Im out, its been fun

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