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[INFP] How did you find the person of your dreams?

elementaltale

New member
Joined
Feb 21, 2009
Messages
36
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INFP
Although this is really for people who have found their "Soul Mate," anyone can chime in.

I am having difficulty in trying to find my soulmate. You see I am an INFP and a Christian which means that finding someone like myself is rather diffcult (I get the feeling that most who go to church are Guardians, I don't go to a church at this point.)

I have always thought to myself that if I wish to find someone like me (another INFP Christian, then I should go where they are at)

The issue is that I have no idea where other INFP's are at becuase they are introverted.

So I am wondering where did all of you head and how did things work out?

Thanks!
 

speculative

Feelin' FiNe
Joined
Jul 15, 2008
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927
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4w5
Wish I had some knowledge to impart, so instead I'll bump this and hope this is the start of a great thread. We could all use some mad :ninja: soul-mate-finding skills...
 

Biaxident

Charting a course
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Jan 10, 2009
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3,617
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First step: Don't lay around dreaming about your "soulmate" walking through your door.

Second step: Get out and experience things, meet people.

Third step: Don't ever expect to find someone who meets all your criteria for "soulmate" status. Be ready to compromise.
 
Last edited:

BerberElla

12 and a half weeks
Joined
Sep 25, 2008
Messages
2,725
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infp
First step: Don't lay around dreaming about your "soul mate" walking through your door.

Second step: Get out and experience things, meet people.

Third step: Don't ever expect to find someone who meets all your criteria for "soulmate" status. Be ready to compromise.

^^^ Yup, that right there.

I used to be so idealistic that I truly believed my soulmate was out there walking around just waiting for me to come and club him over the head to drag back to my cave, instead I see now that such a thing really doesn't exist, at least not in the prince charming, white stallion charging toward me way that I used to see it.
 

Nonsensical

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^^^ Yup, that right there.

I used to be so idealistic that I truly believed my soulmate was out there walking around just waiting for me to come and club him over the head to drag back to my cave, instead I see now that such a thing really doesn't exist, at least not in the prince charming, white stallion charging toward me way that I used to see it.



That's my problem :(, I'm so young and naive that I really do feel like there's someone out there waiting for me..but I guess it's good to admit that that's probably not going to happen. I do look forward to being with someone, a soulmate, and I think it's one of the biggest things I strive for..over a career, money, or anything.
 

dee

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Dec 14, 2008
Messages
136
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Enfj
Enneagram
2+1
I thought I met my soul mate but now when our relationship is so hard, I'm starting to question it...:(

The truth is having a soul mate doesn't mean that things will always be good, and that is kinda what is keeping us together I think.

As far as finding him,I think it will just happen, that's just me though....
Also there is no one that is "perfect" you have to know that from the get go, just that with"him" you will feel something special in your heart, or see him in a different light than you do other people...

Good luck!
 

Biaxident

Charting a course
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Messages
3,617
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What she ^ said.

That's my problem :(, I'm so young and naive that I really do feel like there's someone out there waiting for me..but I guess it's good to admit that that's probably not going to happen. I do look forward to being with someone, a soulmate, and I think it's one of the biggest things I strive for..over a career, money, or anything.

It's perfectly okay to look for someone, but don't expect to go down your list of attributes for your "soulmate", and find anyone who fulfills every single criteria. Relationships take work and compromise, whether they are your "soulmate" or not. If you or the other person aren't willing to talk out any confusion or problems either may have, your relationship most likely won't last long. :)
 

Nonsensical

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Maybe everything you've been told about true love could be right,

My dad was telling me about how he proposed to my mother after only a month of dating- he just knew. And obviously it worked out, as he says they were closer than any two humans could possibly be.

She died, though, and since then, he's been married 2 more times. Each one, he said he had to almost talk himself into, and he didn't just know that it was right. These two marriages didn't go so well, and they were divorced.

In summary, maybe we just know when things are right. Maybe there really is some inner fealing that we experience around our so-called soulmates. Do we have soulmates? I think so, despite what people say.. It doesn't come down to your lighthearted differences, but if your depth and true love coexist, you'll form an intimate bond that can never be shattered- a soulmate bond. I am convinced of it.

It's amazing how two humans out of a population of 6 billion can come together out of this huge crowd, and call eachother soul mates. Maybe there's some huge agenda that we unconsciously follow? I know a lot of people go through rough relationships..it's because they didn't follow their heart..they had to think about- question whether the marriage would work. To some degree, this always implies to people who end up in bad relationships.

If you use your time wisely, and wait until the right moment, you'll be destined to find them. Not too soon nor too late..you'll know, you're heart will tell you, I guess.
 

Biaxident

Charting a course
Joined
Jan 10, 2009
Messages
3,617
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It sounds good. And may be for some people, say those that can see the things they are looking for in others, it's true. But not everyone is as perceptive. Keep an eye out, I wouldn't tell you otherwise. Just don't expect perfection.
:hug:
 

speculative

Feelin' FiNe
Joined
Jul 15, 2008
Messages
927
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4w5
In summary, maybe we just know when things are right. Maybe there really is some inner fealing that we experience around our so-called soulmates.

I think that connections on this deep a level can only be sensed by just "knowing" as you mention, because connecting on this level is the whole point...
 

Nonsensical

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I think that connections on this deep a level can only be sensed by just "knowing" as you mention, because connecting on this level is the whole point...

Exactly. People often give up because of shallow disagreements. Day to day disagreements are very common and are necessary for a healthy relationship. My parents fought sometimes, but it didn't mean anything in the face oif their intimacy and love. It's a matter of what's above the surface and what exists below..because you can't be too deap, and as long as you have this depthness of love, everything else is secondaryy-you can make everything work.
 

Tiny Army

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I met him freshman year. He was the roomate of one of the guys at the radio station at my school. We needed him to narrate a segment. I thought he was cute. I later told the roomate to give him my number but received no call. We ran into each other over the next couple of years but only in passing. At the beginning of last year, I made friends with an ENFJ guy in one of my screenwriting classes. It turns out he was now living with the ENFJ and they lived 10 blocks from my new apartment.

We started hanging out more often and then one day I pretty much jumped him. He was a virgin at the time. We joke that it was a botched date rape. We started spending more and more time together over the summer. Then we started dating. He moved in a few months ago and we're still going strong.

Oh and he's an INFP (though his Fi and Ti are almost equal. He identifies more with INFP but I think he acts like an INTP).
 

speculative

Feelin' FiNe
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Thanks for sharing your story Tiny Army. That is something I think about all the time: whether passion and a sort of spontaneous encounter comes first, or dating. I actually don't have any acquaintances that ever really "dated." This was especially true in college. I grew up with the Leave it to Beaver upbringing, traditional and proper. To me, you meet someone you like and you ask them out on a date, and it's a very formal thing. My introversion is pretty extreme; I am good in very small groups of a couple people but when it comes to being out in the world I can only navigate society when there are set rules. When there are no set rules and you have to try to figure out all the "hidden" rules of society, I fail miserably.

For example, my parent's friends are kind of socialites and some of the most extreme extroverts I have met (very nice people) and they know I am single so they are always on the lookout for someone who might be a good fit with me. They gave me the phone number of this girl they met this weekend for me to call. To me, the first call should be about asking her out on a first date. But, people in my age group in general would not even be doing what I am doing, going through this formal process. They might call but the word "date" would never enter into the equation. Instead, they might go through vague, amorphous processes of meeting at a certain time & place but god forbid it be called a date because certainly that is an outmoded way of thinking from a world gone by... Never having a first date means you never have a second date. So, what stage of the relationship are you at? Well, one person thinks one thing (that it's serious) and the other person thinks another thing (that it's not) because there is no common lingua franca, no enthymemes, that both people can use as guideposts. So, eventually people hook up and one person wasn't ready or the other wasn't, because they either are or are not a couple but we can't even use the word couple to describe them because they have not been existing in this by-gone world of "dating" or "relationships" so how would they know in the first place anyway.

For me, this vagueness means I cannot understand what the other person is trying to communicate to me socially, and I cannot therefore conceptualize how to communicate socially back at them. Are they expecting me to move to the next level, what is that even, do they want to move things forward/backward/up/down/left/right? At this point, I feel like if I even ask someone out on a date they will look at me like I'm not speaking English or like I'm from another planet or a time traveler from centuries in the past. I may as well mention I want to "woo" them.

And this plays out further down the line too. I know so many people who have 2-3 kids and are living with a guy, but yet they're not married, don't "believe" in marriage (either you believe in commitment or you don't, marriage is just another word for commitment) and don't really have what could be called a "family." Is this the result we're finally truly seeing in the world of so many divorces and broken families etc., that people think this is normal and that's what they want, or are they afraid to have a family because they think it will be broken, and therefore we are as a society steering away from terms and concepts like dating, relationships, marriage, and family?

I don't get it...:shock: This is a crude summary of something that should probably be a 5-10 page essay in a blog or something, but I saw this as a possible opportunity to bring this up on-topic in a thread. Does anyone else also "not get it?" I mean, if you told me I had to swim through a lake of fire and then walk across a desert of broken glass to reach my goal of being with someone, I'd say, "Awesome! I finally know the parameters and what's required to accomplish the goal, so I can begin my journey." Not knowing how to conceptualize the journey itself I cannot begin to prepare for reaching the goal. I mean, I can't even count on a wedding ring to let me know if someone's taken because most of the people I know who have kids and are living with someone aren't even married or engaged... I search for clarity on this in the world on a daily basis and find none, it has become truly maddening... :crazy:
 

Tiny Army

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Well I don't think I will ever marry because if I so much as mentioned the word marriage within 600 feet of my mother it would turn into an epic clusterfuck. I don't need to be paraded around in a stupid dress to be judged by all my asshole relatives to prove that I want to be with someone for the rest of my life. All I care about is knowing deep down inside that I love someone and want to stay with them. I definitely want kids but I never once thought I'd need a man in my life to do so. I always saw marriage as adding more politics to the equation. Why not just be with someone and be happy? I think I could do that without a ring or a piece of paper declaring I'm with someone.

My relationship and my commitment are a deeply personal thing for me. Making a big show of it would just embarrass and annoy me.

Edit: This is just my own personal view on marriage. I think marriage can be wonderful for those who think it's right for them and weddings can be fun provided not a single member of my family is present at them.
 

raindancing

actinomycetes
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Feb 28, 2008
Messages
346
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4w5
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
I met my husband (INTP) on the internet. I was only 16 when I got married, he was 18, we've been married 10 years now. It's kinda weird thinking back about it, but I never had any doubts about marrying him, it's not like I felt "he's the one!" or anything... I don't know, it just seemed perfectly right.

If anyone's interested can tell the full story...
 

cantuse

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Mar 17, 2009
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Realize that only Idealists/NFs look for soul-mates. Further, Idealists only represent typically <25% of the population. Further realize that Idealists always ('tend' is too weak a word) romantize the objects of their affection. Consequently once the honeymoon of a new romance is over, a once soulmate now feels like someone who doesn't understand what we *mean*, whimsically hurts our feelings and thinks its nothing, and taxes us as we overempathize with them.

This is true even if your 'soulmate' was another NF or even an NT.

Magic, everlasting soulmates don't exist. It's healthier in the long run to learn to accept that long-term relationships are a challenge. It's even better to hook up with people that understand or at least have patience for the short-comings of our type. Without a doubt I know that my wife does the lions share of keeping us even keeled. On the flip side, I also feel that people endure so much to be with NFs (and ENFPs in particular) because the moments that we do bring our world into focus, and shine that magical spotlight of ours on their souls... we bring so much passion and insightfulness as cannot be expressed or noticed by other types.

We are the world's greatest romantics and worst pragmatics. Thus without great effort and personal development you are doomed to leap from passion to passion.
 

ReadingRainbows

Cat Wench
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Jan 28, 2009
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Realize that only Idealists/NFs look for soul-mates. Further, Idealists only represent typically <25% of the population. Further realize that Idealists always ('tend' is too weak a word) romantize the objects of their affection. Consequently once the honeymoon of a new romance is over, a once soulmate now feels like someone who doesn't understand what we *mean*, whimsically hurts our feelings and thinks its nothing, and taxes us as we overempathize with them.

This is true even if your 'soulmate' was another NF or even an NT.

Magic, everlasting soulmates don't exist. It's healthier in the long run to learn to accept that long-term relationships are a challenge. It's even better to hook up with people that understand or at least have patience for the short-comings of our type. Without a doubt I know that my wife does the lions share of keeping us even keeled. On the flip side, I also feel that people endure so much to be with NFs (and ENFPs in particular) because the moments that we do bring our world into focus, and shine that magical spotlight of ours on their souls... we bring so much passion and insightfulness as cannot be expressed or noticed by other types.

We are the world's greatest romantics and worst pragmatics. Thus without great effort and personal development you are doomed to leap from passion to passion.


I posted a half joking question about this on the NT board. It seems like a loosing battle to fight.
 

Skyward

Badoom~
Joined
Jul 3, 2008
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1,084
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infj
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9w1
Instead, they might go through vague, amorphous processes of meeting at a certain time & place but god forbid it be called a date because certainly that is an outmoded way of thinking from a world gone by...

At 17 I know how this is. To me, 'date' is kind of... rigid. Like an SJ way of going about a relationship. I prefer calling and seeing what happens. I like to 'Hang out' instead of dating. And if I DO date, it is somewhere in the middle of the relationship where we're both comfortable with each other. Even then it's still a hang-out type situation. I guess I like things to be casual and natural. Anything other and it feels like an arranged relationship.

It doesn't help that I tend to over think the relationship, putting into that 'pre-arranged' box. :)

I always saw marriage as adding more politics to the equation.

I see it similarly, too. I can understand your stance there, definitely. Marriage is, I think, the way of showing your whole family you're going to stick with this person forever, which means your family gets very involved. This works for some families, and others... pretty poorly.

We are the world's greatest romantics and worst pragmatics.

QFT
 
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