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  1. #21
    Senior Member Moiety's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by hjomn View Post
    Whether I've had the problem that people became too clingy... Hmm, first of all, I'm probably more a borderline F/T, which makes me communicate substantially different from the 'normal' NF I suppose. I tend to make friends, contacts very easily, and can be very charming (though I say so myself), but I first check people out very well and build up some sympathy for them before I go very in-depth/emotional/whatever with them. It is sorta paradoxical as I'm very open on one hand, but when people cross a certain line, I get very reserved/critical.

    Also, I have absolutely no problems notifying people (indirectly) I don't appreciate their attention. You could say some people can be intimidated by my aloofness (when I turn it on), but people that I like would say I'm a very warm person, though I feel sorta ashamed to express it every once in a while.

    For example, if somebody hugs me and they are not friends or people I have a lot of sympathy for, I would give them a very cold shower and be very blunt... I bet he/she wouldn't try that again Also, if somebody tells me they have such an emotional (or anything else) bond with me and this is totally one-sided, I tend to become very aloof and reserved. On the other hand, when I do feel the same, somebody has just scored some major points.

    I'm not sure, but this doesn't sound very NF to all of you or does it?
    I can relate to a lot of what you just said. Maybe it's because I'm a male and I have high T for an F, myself, dunno.

    In the end I try to be as random as possible. I'm pretty democratic showing empathy to others. I don't play favorites which can either make other people feel like I don't pay them enough attention or make them feel like I definitely like them a lot. So people are often both clingy and somewhat intimidated if that makes any sense.

  2. #22

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    Quote Originally Posted by Anja View Post
    People seem so surprised to be listened to and remembered! Guess it goes to show how little the present culture pays attention.
    Yes, this is what I think as well.
    Thoughts die the moment they are embodied by words. (Arthur Schopenhauer)

  3. #23
    12 and a half weeks BerberElla's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rainbows View Post
    I have a problem with people thinking we made an emotional "connection" like at work, school, out in public and they hold onto this..but in reality there really isn't anything going on out of the norm but they are so sure you understand etc etc feel it too...anyone else ever get this?

    Yes, this has happened to me before aswell. I have no idea where it comes from half the time because I was usually just talking regularly with them, then the next thing I know they are telling me how connected they feel to me, when I feel the total opposite.

    I find it's usually been with the types least able to identify a deep emotional connection, so what they see actually means more to them than it does to me.
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  4. #24
    RETIRED CzeCze's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rainbows View Post
    I have a problem with people thinking we made an emotional "connection" like at work, school, out in public and they hold onto this..but in reality there really isn't anything going on out of the norm but they are so sure you understand etc etc feel it too...anyone else ever get this?
    No, I'm careful and responsible to present myself clearly.

    I also think I've cultivated (at least consciously, in part) the persona of someone who is very independent and self-contained - I am here, I can be with you, but I go my own way. It's harder for people to form initial deep attachments or expectations to people like this, or feel mislead later.

    I try to create realistic expectations from the get go. Also, people are random?

    I know that I love people in theory and I value connecting with people. More than that, I like sharing and hearing from people. I can acknowledge those moments and connections and value them and also leave it at 'it is what it is'.

    You're right, connections are part of normal ENFP being! However, that's not the case for everyone and it's very possible that others will put more significance on your INTENT or the social consequence. You may thank, "Cool, it was nice to meet you". They may think, "I have met my future mate" LOL.

    Is that the issue you're running across?

    My advice would be to monitor yourself and other people better and learn to behave more appropriately for those social situations.
    “If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.” ― Oscar Wilde

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  5. #25
    Junior Member polerbearsand's Avatar
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    A few weeks ago some friends were having a kegger at their house. Part way through the night one of them, a guy, took me upstairs to his room because he had to "tell me something important." We walk up the stairs, and I'm feeling the awkwardness of the impending situation. We walk into his room and he closes the door after me. Then he tells me that he's gay and tries to kiss me.

    I tell him I'm not attracted to men, but he almost wouldn't take no for an answer. He kept saying that he felt "a connection" to me.

    We're still friends, I just don't hang out with him as much any more.

    This has happened to me a few times, where other guys think we have a connection when I'm just trying to be a friend. It must be an NF thing.

  6. #26
    Senior Member Anja's Avatar
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    I'd say he was lucky you were INFP!

    "Trip to the Moon" for sure!
    "No ray of sunshine is ever lost, but the green which it awakes into existence needs time to sprout, and it is not always granted to the sower to see the harvest. All work that is worth anything is done in faith." - Albert Schweitzer

  7. #27
    Senior Member Wild horses's Avatar
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    Yea sometimes, however, more often than not I have made an emotional connection with them as I usally connect with most people this way. However, I have had it happen to me a few times when I haven't really made a connection with someone but they think that I have maybe that's due to empathy and my tendancy to mirror people
    ... couldn't drag me away

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  8. #28
    Senior Member Anja's Avatar
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    I dunno. Sometimes I wonder exactly what it is. For about fifteen years I've had people just zeroing in out of the ozone. Example: I'll be having lunch with someone and a person will just walk up and start talking. I never know what to make of that.
    "No ray of sunshine is ever lost, but the green which it awakes into existence needs time to sprout, and it is not always granted to the sower to see the harvest. All work that is worth anything is done in faith." - Albert Schweitzer

  9. #29
    half-nut member briochick's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rainbows View Post
    I have a problem with people thinking we made an emotional "connection" like at work, school, out in public and they hold onto this..but in reality there really isn't anything going on out of the norm but they are so sure you understand etc etc feel it too...anyone else ever get this?
    This used to happen to me. I learned, over time, to put on a cold front when I sensed people becoming dissproportionately attached to me until they back off. One of my friends said (of when someone like this came around and hugged me) that it was visible. It still feels terribly mean but I also feel like it's survival.
    -Brio

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  10. #30
    lab rat extraordinaire CrystalViolet's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by hjomn View Post
    Whether I've had the problem that people became too clingy... Hmm, first of all, I'm probably more a borderline F/T, which makes me communicate substantially different from the 'normal' NF I suppose. I tend to make friends, contacts very easily, and can be very charming (though I say so myself), but I first check people out very well and build up some sympathy for them before I go very in-depth/emotional/whatever with them. It is sorta paradoxical as I'm very open on one hand, but when people cross a certain line, I get very reserved/critical.

    Also, I have absolutely no problems notifying people (indirectly) I don't appreciate their attention. You could say some people can be intimidated by my aloofness (when I turn it on), but people that I like would say I'm a very warm person, though I feel sorta ashamed to express it every once in a while.

    For example, if somebody hugs me and they are not friends or people I have a lot of sympathy for, I would give them a very cold shower and be very blunt... I bet he/she wouldn't try that again Also, if somebody tells me they have such an emotional (or anything else) bond with me and this is totally one-sided, I tend to become very aloof and reserved. On the other hand, when I do feel the same, somebody has just scored some major points.

    I'm not sure, but this doesn't sound very NF to all of you or does it?
    Yeah it does.....but I'm boarderline F/T too, so I'm similar.
    Currently submerged under an avalanche of books and paper work. I may come back up for air from time to time.
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