this makes me feel so immature but sometimes i just have to avoid certain people and try to ignore them as much as possible bc i fear that i will not be able to manage my feelings. this is a huge source of conflict for me and is one of the main preventative things that allows me to go out and get more information, experiment, try and fail, take risk, hang in there and learn something, improve, and become stronger and more self-confident.
i am particularly referring to situations when someone makes you feel inadequate, rejected, spurned, embarrassed, outmaneuvered, or overpowered. not to mention the fact that i can not tolerate coldness, and the toxic connection that seems to develop sometimes with certain people when we start to spontaneously combust. i think my idealism and the narrowing focus of my Ni when it thinks it has something, make me too expectant and demanding, and i'm so idealistic that i am trusting my head/image/intuition more than real life, and then feel betrayed way too easily bc i have taken a situation way more personally than i had any right to.
but most of all you can't get anywhere without communicating, and it makes me freeze up and have emotional seizures or just avoid avoid avoid, so i get nowhere and communicate nothing.