User Tag List

123 Last

Results 1 to 10 of 24

  1. #1
    Member janey_girl's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    MBTI
    INtJ
    Posts
    74

    Default Finally I understand why I don't fit (I'm an INFJ)

    I am now 34 and have spent my life driving myself insane over my personality, who I am and not fitting in with society....

    Reading the posts on here the lightbulb just went on. I've been fighting it - been upset with myself for being overly emotional, misunderstood. I have been dragging a "huge" amount of baggage round with me for way too long. I look after others, quite forgetting myself, agree to do things I don't want to do and put people on these idealistic pedastals. I feel as though I am not living out my true "purpose" and just because I feel I can read minds and people I kind of expect others to do the same with me. My communication can be good but I spend such a lot of my time "holding back" so as not to hurt others...

    All this stuff has literally been KILLING me on the inside - I'm ok for a while, then I reach exhaustion point (a couple of times a year) and fall into my well of misery feeling "nobody loves me, everybody hates me" and wallow in this woe is me sort of place - then I kind of ping back to life again... Of course everybody I have rejected during my self absorbed stage remembers and it is sometimes impossible to recover as they wait for the next "episode" to take effect....

    Thanks for making me feel a lot less insane! Now I can accept and start to work through this!

  2. #2
    Senior Member something boring's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    MBTI
    nnja
    Enneagram
    4w5
    Socionics
    EII
    Posts
    279

    Default

    i totally feel where you're coming from
    "Don�t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive." - Howard Thurman


    [SIGPIC]http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l110/evillinclinations/fortune45.gif[/SIGPIC]

    ...and yes, I'm still on about that...






  3. #3
    Member Nyota's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    MBTI
    infj
    Enneagram
    4w5
    Posts
    69

    Default

    This is good and I've experienced a certain similarity in my life. It's relieving to finally be able to understand ourselves and be able to act out our true selves with no limitations.

    A good friend tells me all the time to "just let go and be me." Best advice I've ever received.
    INFj. 4w5.
    Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, 'What! You too? I thought I was the only one!'
    --C.S. Lewis

  4. #4
    Sniffles
    Guest

    Default

    janey_girl, you have my full sympathies

    I myself just got over a deep bout of depression.

    A very important lesson to learn is to gain a sense of self-acceptance, and remind yourself on a constant basis.

    I'll try to add more later.

  5. #5
    Member janey_girl's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    MBTI
    INtJ
    Posts
    74

    Default

    Thanks for your replies guys - it's nice to know I'm not alone in the way I feel, it's pretty tough sometimes and I'm sure the fact I don't "fit in" anywhere really but everywhere is really hard... I always feel I've never truly "met my people" - if that makes any sense...

    People look to me for advice and I always seem to be seen as pretty knowledgable about loads of different stuff, but there is none of that - you know, being part of the pack... I guess sometimes I seem aloof when all I'm doing is absorbing the situation....

    Tough!

  6. #6
    It's always something... PuddleRiver's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    5w6
    Posts
    2,924

    Default

    I've worked my whole life to 'fit in'. Turned myself inside out, upside down and backwards, it seemed. It never worked, I can't be fixed and I don't want to be fixed anymore.

    I'm FREE!!!

    Hang in there, it only gets better. You love you just the way you are. I've never met any of 'my people' either. I still dream of meeting someone someday that 'gets me'. My hubby comes pretty close after all these years together, but I'm still his enigma. I think I really just totally fascinate him
    "In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay one invincible summer."
    ~~~~
    A Christian's life may be the only Bible some people ever read.
    ~~~~
    "The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them" Maya Angelou.
    ~~~~
    I like your Christ. I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ" Gandhi
    ~~~~

  7. #7
    Member Antreus's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    4/2
    Socionics
    INFx
    Posts
    36

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by janey_girl View Post
    I am now 34 and have spent my life driving myself insane over my personality, who I am and not fitting in with society....

    Reading the posts on here the lightbulb just went on. I've been fighting it - been upset with myself for being overly emotional, misunderstood. I have been dragging a "huge" amount of baggage round with me for way too long. I look after others, quite forgetting myself, agree to do things I don't want to do and put people on these idealistic pedastals. I feel as though I am not living out my true "purpose" and just because I feel I can read minds and people I kind of expect others to do the same with me. My communication can be good but I spend such a lot of my time "holding back" so as not to hurt others...

    All this stuff has literally been KILLING me on the inside - I'm ok for a while, then I reach exhaustion point (a couple of times a year) and fall into my well of misery feeling "nobody loves me, everybody hates me" and wallow in this woe is me sort of place - then I kind of ping back to life again... Of course everybody I have rejected during my self absorbed stage remembers and it is sometimes impossible to recover as they wait for the next "episode" to take effect....

    Thanks for making me feel a lot less insane! Now I can accept and start to work through this!
    As an INFJ my brain seems almost wired to constantly metamorphose and I usually forget how deep I have reached in depression until it is too late to identify the turmoil inside, it's very gripping and debilitating. I am still rather young and still identifying these cycles I go through but it is clearly as you said for me typically too.

    I guess you can see it as the gravity of an INFJ, it is always fluctuating, and really if you think of it being so empathic you are simply a social barometer of your surroundings. It takes a lot of energy to extricate yourself from it at times.

    I go through a lot of mental and emotional stages during the course of a year. I think one philosopher who I could really relate to on an emphatic level and has helped me come to grip a lot on how to relate to things is Simone Weil and I suggest you check out her philosophy and books. She really exposed my intellect once again to me. I think I was limiting myself to too much Nietzsche. I could say Nietzsche embodies my brooding side and Weil my empathic one.
    His form has passed away, he has become a mirror: naught is there but the image of another's face.

    ( I ) 3%, ( N ) 59%, ( F ) 26%, ( J ) 16%

  8. #8
    movin melodies kiddykat's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Enneagram
    4, 7
    Socionics
    IEE
    Posts
    1,115

    Default

    I have a friend and a male cousin who feels like they have to maintain this image of perfection for everyone they know.. and I can see where it gets to the point of stress/depression.

    That's why I say, "C'este La Vie." Sometimes, we just gotta accept imperfection, because in being imperfect, there is a sense of perfectness about it.

    Sometimes, dichotomous relationships can co-exist, because as humans we are not perfect. We go through our ups/downs/standstills.

    Also, I think that when people aren't afraid to express how they truly feel, even with their flaws, i find their idiosyncrasies adorable.

    If people are going to judge you for your imperfections, then let them, because really.. They're unhappy with themselves?. Yah, I'm glad you're reaching a sense of understanding for who you truly are and are coming to terms with accepting yourself. G'Luck. ;D

  9. #9
    Member janey_girl's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    MBTI
    INtJ
    Posts
    74

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Antreus View Post
    As an INFJ my brain seems almost wired to constantly metamorphose and I usually forget how deep I have reached in depression until it is too late to identify the turmoil inside, it's very gripping and debilitating. I am still rather young and still identifying these cycles I go through but it is clearly as you said for me typically too.

    I guess you can see it as the gravity of an INFJ, it is always fluctuating, and really if you think of it being so empathic you are simply a social barometer of your surroundings. It takes a lot of energy to extricate yourself from it at times.

    I go through a lot of mental and emotional stages during the course of a year. I think one philosopher who I could really relate to on an emphatic level and has helped me come to grip a lot on how to relate to things is Simone Weil and I suggest you check out her philosophy and books. She really exposed my intellect once again to me. I think I was limiting myself to too much Nietzsche. I could say Nietzsche embodies my brooding side and Weil my empathic one.
    Can identify totally - it isn't until totally in the grip of depression that I realise how deep I actually am... The cycles are really hard to come to terms with, but like the cycle of the seasons there is no point fighting it - better I guess to understand and appreciate it and know it's going to happen...

    I'll have a look out for Simone Weil's books - any insight is greatly appreciated!

  10. #10
    Member janey_girl's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    MBTI
    INtJ
    Posts
    74

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Viv View Post
    I have a friend and a male cousin who feels like they have to maintain this image of perfection for everyone they know.. and I can see where it gets to the point of stress/depression.

    That's why I say, "C'este La Vie." Sometimes, we just gotta accept imperfection, because in being imperfect, there is a sense of perfectness about it.

    Sometimes, dichotomous relationships can co-exist, because as humans we are not perfect. We go through our ups/downs/standstills.

    Also, I think that when people aren't afraid to express how they truly feel, even with their flaws, i find their idiosyncrasies adorable.

    If people are going to judge you for your imperfections, then let them, because really.. They're unhappy with themselves?. Yah, I'm glad you're reaching a sense of understanding for who you truly are and are coming to terms with accepting yourself. G'Luck. ;D
    THAT'S IT!!! The image of perfection... I know I'm not being true to myself but I do it anyway - wearing this mask all the damn time!

    My new relationship is interesting in that my OH is an ISTP and he's not as inward looking and seems more forgiving to my faults... The other day he really hacked me off over something and ordinarily I'd let it ride BUT this time I thought "no, I'll tell him that HE upset me" and when I did the world did not fall in on my head and he was "ok - fair point"... I feel I can be ME with him, warts and all....

    Being allowed to be inperfect is an absolutely amazing thing - scary as hell, but great!

Similar Threads

  1. Can Someone Help Me Understand Why The President of Mexico Feels This Way?
    By Thalassa in forum Politics, History, and Current Events
    Replies: 99
    Last Post: 06-01-2010, 09:14 AM
  2. [MBTItm] Why people don't like this approach ?
    By Virtual ghost in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 137
    Last Post: 04-08-2010, 12:31 PM
  3. Why I Don't Have a Girlfriend
    By Phantonym in forum Politics, History, and Current Events
    Replies: 28
    Last Post: 01-26-2010, 12:33 AM
  4. [NT] Why men don�t listen & why women don�t read maps
    By tinkerbell in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 110
    Last Post: 09-21-2009, 05:53 AM
  5. Enjoying things that don't "fit" with your type
    By Rajah in forum The Bonfire
    Replies: 84
    Last Post: 02-20-2009, 05:43 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO