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  1. #11
    Badoom~ Skyward's Avatar
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    [QUOTE]
    A very important lesson to learn is to gain a sense of self-acceptance, and remind yourself on a constant basis.
    /QUOTE]

    +1, the trick is to listen.
    'Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and its better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.' - Marilyn Monroe

    This is who I am, escapist, paradise-seeker.
    -Nightwish

    Anthropology Major out of Hamline University. St. Paul, Minnesota.

  2. #12
    Peaced Quay's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by janey_girl View Post
    The other day he really hacked me off over something and ordinarily I'd let it ride BUT this time I thought "no, I'll tell him that HE upset me" and when I did the world did not fall in on my head and he was "ok - fair point"... I feel I can be ME with him, warts and all....

    Being allowed to be inperfect is an absolutely amazing thing - scary as hell, but great!
    OMGosh ....

    This...

    The INFJ discovery literally righted my world. I'm so much about being ME now, and it is really fun to discover parts about myself I'd hidden so deeply I couldn't even see them.

    I can say "no" and tell the truth about myself wholeheartedly, and there's nothing anyone can really say except: "OK". They can't go back in time and change it so they may as well accept it...

  3. #13
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    I felt the same way when I first figured out my (correct) type -- it was more liberating than depressing because I'd always tried to be what other people expected me to be but now I could stop trying to live up to their expectations and be true to my real character strengths. Sometimes it gets depressing when I realize that some people just can't figure out (or don't care) where I'm coming from, but at least I can recognize that now and I don't blame myself for what's really their inability to see beyond the ends of their noses. With people I'm close to, it's made me a lot stronger and it's made good relationships much, much stronger. I read a lot of Type books because it's hard to find good NF role models, so at least I can create a sort of mental ideal to work toward from descriptions in books.

  4. #14
    Senior Member Onceajoan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nyota View Post
    It's relieving to finally be able to understand ourselves and be able to act out our true selves with no limitations.

    A good friend tells me all the time to "just let go and be me." Best advice I've ever received.
    That's where I am. As the OP mentioned, I have always felt that I needed to hold back. I'm very passionate and sometimes I feel like I'm going to blow other over. It's time to come out of the closet.

  5. #15
    Senior Member Onceajoan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by janey_girl View Post
    Can identify totally - it isn't until totally in the grip of depression that I realise how deep I actually am... The cycles are really hard to come to terms with, but like the cycle of the seasons there is no point fighting it - better I guess to understand and appreciate it and know it's going to happen...
    I've had depression my whole life. Medication helps me. I still get depressed sometimes but the lows aren't so low. If I'm not on meds. and it gets worse, it feels like I'm falling into a deep dark hole that I've fallen into and can't get out of. Sorta like Alice and Wonderland - except I don't have the potion.

    I wish you the best. I know it's not easy.

  6. #16
    Badoom~ Skyward's Avatar
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    I rollercoaster up an down between depression and feeling on top of the world. The thing that has helped me the most is to find people that I can become very close friends with. These people are the type that know what I'm going through and having a physical someone who is in the same boat, or at least was, is good.

    For me, prayer is also another way to alleviate some internal stress (which causes bad moods) by just working it out. Granted it only works if you have faith enough to know that God is listening, but I rather would be thought of as an odd religious person (I prefer spiritual rather than religious. Religion is for boring people ) than be dependent on chemicals to be in a better mood.

    For others it's different and I respect that.

    All I wish is that I would get out of this teenage shlump and level off my mood.
    Last edited by Skyward; 04-23-2010 at 08:18 AM. Reason: Huh... I already posted here.
    'Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and its better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.' - Marilyn Monroe

    This is who I am, escapist, paradise-seeker.
    -Nightwish

    Anthropology Major out of Hamline University. St. Paul, Minnesota.

  7. #17
    Senior Member mochajava's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lily Bart View Post
    I felt the same way when I first figured out my (correct) type -- it was more liberating than depressing because I'd always tried to be what other people expected me to be but now I could stop trying to live up to their expectations and be true to my real character strengths. Sometimes it gets depressing when I realize that some people just can't figure out (or don't care) where I'm coming from, but at least I can recognize that now and I don't blame myself for what's really their inability to see beyond the ends of their noses. With people I'm close to, it's made me a lot stronger and it's made good relationships much, much stronger. I read a lot of Type books because it's hard to find good NF role models, so at least I can create a sort of mental ideal to work toward from descriptions in books.
    AMEN! (I find myself saying that a lot on here). Would you be willing to share some of the type books you mentioned here? I'd like to read some. _Please Understand Me_? _16 ways to please your lover_?

  8. #18
    Senior Member mochajava's Avatar
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    Also - is there a thread about INFJs and depression? That seems to be coming out in many of the posts here.

    My thoughts:

    Hi janey_girl (and anyone else on this thread) --

    Thanks for sharing this, and I really identify with/agree with all you've said. I'm with an ST husband, and it is amazing - he doesn't work like me or GET me, but he accepts me (and loves me to pieces). What's so important is that being my weird / perfectionist / cycles of depression / cycles of isolation self is just plain okay with him.

    I like thinking "I have a rich inner life" then curling up with a novel, remembering I love that, and going with it.

    I take some sly little INFJ lunchbreaks. I eat at my desk then read a novel at a coffeeshop for an hour. I pick one that's far enough away from my office that people won't see me there... it's lovely. It feels...rebellious. Unconventional. And sometimes I do lunch w/ others too, but I like groups of 2 or 3 best.

    I definitely do NOT fit into any mainstream... and I have spent a lot of time beating myself up about it. I guess I can just stop? There's no explanation for it.

    Relevant piece of information: growing up, I asked my Mom why I seemed to have such a hard time of it compared to my younger sister. She said, "it's just because you're not easygoing like her." Oof. Ouch. That knocked the wind out of me and probably killed some of my self-esteem -- it was like my sensitivity was something I could control and change at will (as a friggin' 9 year old!). And - I'm bringing this up well over a decade later, so clearly it stayed/hurt/stung. Do you have anything like that in your past, do you think?

  9. #19
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    I can relate to the self-esteem wounding. As an INFJ kid I definitely didn't fit into my family, neighborhood or school. I've never met another INFJ, so I have no mirror for what an INFJ is supposed to look like. My entire family is ISTx or ESTx. There I was a little INFJ and no one understood me.

    Growing up, I felt like a peach on a walnut tree. Surrounded by people who told me to toughen up, don't take things to heart, don't be so sensitive, stop being...

    You.

    Living as a peach surrounded by walnuts taught me to not respect who I really am. It taught me to allow people to bruise me and not bother standing up for myself. Because, they are right about me. I am too sensitive, and too weak, and I do take things to heart and... and wait... Who says this is a bad thing? Who says I am weak? I am a lot of things, but weak? Never.

    I'm a 12 year cancer survivor. I've endured 23 rounds of high dose chemotherapy. I had a tumor removed from my aorta in a chest cracking, rib spreading nightmare. I survived 10 hours of surgery, and two years of recovery. I made it through all of it. I've been scanned, scoped, chemoed, cut, poked, and shredded and I've survived it all. I am here. Alive. I am well. I am tough, and strong, and beautiful as winter sky.

    I'm an INFJ. I'm a peach. My toughness is deep inside. The core of me is hard as rock. I am proud of my INFJ toughness. Yes. Toughness! It takes a uniquely beautiful toughness to live your life as an INFJ. I've given up trying to be hard and tough and learned to respect my needs. I've learned that being soft spoken and tenderhearted are strengths. I celebrate what it is to be an INFJ. An INFJ is a peach not a walnut and this is a joyful thing. Be fully you, because I celebrate you all as well.


    WinterWriter

  10. #20
    Senior Member mochajava's Avatar
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    WinterWriter, you are my hero! This is a really lovely analogy. I think I need to tuck it away for my down-on-INFJ-days .

    I'm an INFJ. I'm a peach. My toughness is deep inside. The core of me is hard as rock. I am proud of my INFJ toughness. Yes. Toughness! It takes a uniquely beautiful toughness to live your life as an INFJ. I've given up trying to be hard and tough and learned to respect my needs. I've learned that being soft spoken and tenderhearted are strengths. I celebrate what it is to be an INFJ. An INFJ is a peach not a walnut and this is a joyful thing. Be fully you, because I celebrate you all as well.

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