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Thread: How do you take criticism

  1. #61
    Senior Member Array lecky's Avatar
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    Dec 2007
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    For me, it's all about who is doing the criticizing. If it's from someone I look up to and admire it can be bothersome. Either I really try to impress them to make up for it or I just give up and withdrawl from that person. If the criticism is from a romantic interest it can be soul crushing! If it's from someone who I don't like...I don't give two sh&*^. I feel that most people do not truly "get me", so their judgments or criticisms are usually offbase. I won't bother to correct them either, some people are not worth the energy.

    When I am feeling vulnerable or edgy it bothers me when a stranger (I'm indifferent to) has criticized me because I feel that maybe their opinion is legit since it's from an objective source.

    It all depends on my mood <--- (could be my answer for almost everything)

  2. #62
    RETIRED Array CzeCze's Avatar
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    Sep 2007

    Default Am I lying?

    Did I already answer this thread? Oh very well, it's resurrected so I can post a 2nd edition.

    Having seen how others take criticism, I'm right in the middle. It depends on how apt criticism in a situation is.

    I think the fine art of taking criticism comes from learning to be discriminating and separating the helpful/true/valid points with the chaff.

    And I think most people handle it similarly. When you get criticized for something you feel confident in or don't care about, it doesn't really bother you. When you get criticized and it has the sting of truth to it and/or it's about a sensitive area of your life -- that's where people's personality and coping mechanisms come through.

    My pet peeve is people who get defensive and emotional over any and all criticism. Every suggestion and observation is seen as a personal attack or seal of failure. And they purposely don't do or do the opposite of your suggestion. It's irksome but moreover, these people don't want to learn or grow or improve even if they say they do. And they will absolutely drag you down if you have to work with them.

    Sometimes I actively seek CONSTRUCTIVE cricitism when I'm trying to improve at [fill in the blank]

    Otherwise, honestly I mostly ignore criticism. I don't do it with histrionic tears and proverbial beating of fists, I just honestly don't care. Criticism is part of the landscape of life, a lot of it is not meant to be hurtful or anythng more than someone else's observation. Everyone has an opinion, I can respect that. I just don't agree or listen to all of them. Even as a child, my natural instinct was to block out distractions to my goal and continue doing my own thing. Big source of irritation and stress with my family, friends, and teachers.

    For the most part, my skin is pretty thick about most areas of my life.

    If someone gives me a pearl of truth or good advice, etc. I will gratefully take it. I like self-improvement. And as I've gotten older and wiser (or just older) I've learned better to separate the truth from motives, emotions, other things going on. However --

    Criticism can still get to me. Generally when there is a power dynamic involved. Or the person seems to be judging me not my actions. And I feel unconfident about whatever I'm being critiqued on or have no way to defend myself. Like on a new job, I can often feel frustrated like I am being attacked but I can't really verbalize it, because I don't know my employer or new role well enough to know whether I agree with the critiquer or not. And usually, criticism isn't a means unto itself.

    I like CONSTRUCTIVE criticism. "This sucks" isn't constructive criticism.

    Although, if I agree something sucks and I've accepted it, it doesn't bother me. I can do that with creative work like writing, sketches, etc.

  3. #63


    I criticize myself more than people criticize me (or I imagine what they must be wanting to say about me even if they haven't said it.) I'm really really bad at taking criticism - it makes me feel physically sick and I feel like I've disappointed people. However I only take it to heart if the person who said it was someone who I respect and want to be proud of me - otherwise I don't really care. Sometimes when criticism comes from someone else even if I'm not particularly desperate to please that person I start thinking about what they've said more and more and wondering if it's true. (Which it usually is)
    If someone it criticizing something that I believe in, a belief or value of mine; however, I don't mind. Because if people can argue against a value of mine and through all that I have no doubts about whether I have the right values for myself it makes me feel pleased. Like I'm not trying to prove to them that I'm right - that I'm trying to prove to myself. If I discover something I believe in to be false, though, that's what really hurts.
    But I mean even constructive criticism, helpful criticism can feel like a personal blow. And I don't know why. I have a niggly feeling that it's more to do with the person being able to see the fault in the first place seeing as I keep myself very closely guarded.
    Introverted: 100%
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  4. #64
    Senior Member Array marm's Avatar
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    Apr 2007


    Quote Originally Posted by CzeCze View Post
    I like CONSTRUCTIVE criticism. "This sucks" isn't constructive criticism.

    Although, if I agree something sucks and I've accepted it, it doesn't bother me.
    Much of what CzeCze said fits me, but the above stood out to me. I get really annoyed at criticism that serves no useful purpose. I don't like personal attacks and dismissive remarks really get me on edge.

  5. #65
    Senior Member Array wedekit's Avatar
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    Nov 2007


    It makes me think that I'm a failure. I spent about 8 or so years acting, and directors always tell you what they have a problem with and never what they like. I got tired of it and quit my junior year in the middle of our competition play.

    Enneagram 4w5 social

  6. #66
    Junior Member Array Garivande's Avatar
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    Jan 2008


    Quote Originally Posted by BlueWing View Post
    Here we should draw a distinction between criticism and attack on character. Criticism is an objective remark aimed at pointing our an error. Attack on character is an expression of personal disapproval.
    When I was young (-er) I took criticism on my work results very personally, as if they were in fact "an expression of personal disapproval" (which they probably never were). But I've grown wiser and learnt to see the difference between the two. So nowadays I can cope with criticism, and even be grateful for it. However - if I would be attacked as a person I would probably return to the teenage rage+tears way of handling things...
    (can't tell - everybody loves me... )

  7. #67


    Quote Originally Posted by Meursault View Post
    criticism of my appearance or of me as a human or of how i treat some one often lodges inside of me, but criticism of my intellect roles off.
    i'm exactly opposite (possibly the I?)....criticized something physical all you want. Criticize something about my personality...ESPECIALLY how I treat people and I'll harp on it forever.

  8. #68


    I listen fairly to every criticism no matter who gives them and analyze in an impersonal perspective, then I decide whether it is right or not. If I cannot decide, I'll consult those who know me well and come to a reasonable decision. If the criticism is made falsely, insultingly or used to vent anger, I'd probably be pretty pissed, not much that it's insulting (because frankly I don't care what one think about me as long as it's irrational. If it's rational, I'll think the situation over and try to change for the better), but because it's irrational and emotional. Insulting criticism are personal attacks, but I probably won't retaliate because as mentioned before, your opinion is yours, but if you repeat it enough to annoy me, I'm told by others that I tend to bite back quite painfully. If you insult my intelligence or intellectual capability, then that's another story. Not that I'm actually superior, but intellectual achievements are essentially the core of my existence.

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