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  1. #51
    Tenured roisterer SolitaryWalker's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by FDG View Post
    Strange. For me, it's the exact opposite: I don't give a shit about what an outsider thinks of me, but if a person I'm very close with criticizes me, I take it very personally (yes, I'm not easy to live with in this matter, people (girlfriends, basically) have to learn about this trait and modify their behavior according).
    Actually, now I'll go back and agree with this. My detachment doesnt do me much good in close associations. It manifests awkwardly and indirectly in some odd T-fashion.
    "Do not argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level and beat you with experience." -- Mark Twain

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    My blog: www.randommeanderings123.blogspot.com/

  2. #52
    Senior Member theshadow's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by athenian200 View Post
    Well, it depends on the context. If it seems the person is criticizing me to help me, and I find their criticism sound, then I accept it and try to improve myself. If I don't find it sound, then I carefully explain why I disagree, and ask them if they still have a problem with my position.

    If it seems like they are attacking my character or trying to make me look bad, then I feel threatened, and I try to discredit them. If I can't discredit the person, then I feel hurt, but wonder if they're right. Then I hold on to the criticism, and ask several people if they believe this person was right about me. If they were, then I try to improve myself. If they weren't, I feel relieved.

    If their intent isn't obvious, then I just examine their criticism for validity, and if it's valid, I accept it, and change my argument to accommodate it. If it isn't valid, then I explain why it wasn't valid. I feel somewhat ill at ease when I can't determine intent, however.

  3. #53
    Senior Member alcea rosea's Avatar
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    How do you take criticism?

    Depends on my mood, the situation, the justification of the criticism, the person who is criticizing me (or my actions) and how the criticism is applied.

    Examples:
    - I'm feeling calm + somebody is aggressively criticising me but because of good reason = I listen and agree on doing something about it
    - I'm feeling moody + somebody is aggressively criticising me but because of good reason = I listen and agree on doing something about (and I’ll get a little annoyed)
    - I'm feeling moody + somebody is aggressively criticising me and I don’t deserve it = I will get angry and start arguing with him/her

    So, I’m not very logical with my response to criticism. Don’t know if it is common thing for ENFP’s or is it just me…?

  4. #54
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    Quote Originally Posted by Alcearos View Post
    How do you take criticism?
    Typical response:
    "Oh really, I'll try and work on that. Thanks for pointing it out."

    but like shadow said if I feel they are attacking my character my response is quite different.

    Defensive response.

    "Oh really, I'll try and work on that. Thanks for pointing it out."













































    "Oh yeah... by the way... f&!k you B!%@h"


    It's a little more indirect than I would prefer it and, as I found out once, is also greatly discouraged in the workplace.

  5. #55
    Feline Member kelric's Avatar
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    Generally... poorly. If it's someone I care about, who I know without doubt is giving criticism in a sincere offer to help, and it's done in the right way, I'll accept it with a "hmm, maybe you're right - I should try that" sort of response. I then will usually make at least an honest (if occasionally minimal) effort to do so.

    That's the best-case scenario. In most cases, I get seriously irked. Often I believe that I'm being criticized over things that are incorrect - I may not have explained myself well, or someone may be "offering advice" before they've really gotten a good picture of what I'm doing or why. Other times, I'm in the wrong, but don't consider the situation worthy of comment. Either way, I'm likely to take it personally, even if I won't usually say so or make an issue of it.

    I should note that I'm probably not as good at hiding my annoyance as I think I am... for instance, one time in college I'd pulled up on the wrong side of a completely empty side street to unload some things from my car, and guess who shows up... the police. I thought that I was being civil and formal... my friend thought that I was giving them a nasty look and preparing to get myself in serious trouble. Fortunately they must have been in a good mood - they just told me to move the car, without giving me a citation... lucky me.

  6. #56
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    My default setting is fairly self-monitoring and self-critical. Like ladyp., I want to be great, and I'm conscious of the fact that I'm not.

    By and large, external criticism is redundant to my own internal criticism. It makes me feel worse because it adds unnecessary weight to the negative things I already say to myself. Outside criticism makes me feel like I can't change--like the burden of fault is so heavy I can't move--instead of inspiring me to become better.

    Additionally, because I'm generally thinking along these lines anyway, to have some one else point them out feels like they're assuming I'm too stupid to be aware of the obvious.

    Because I want so badly for others to be happy and pleased, when they criticize my actions or behavior it emphasizes that I've failed to please them. It's not hard for me to admit that I've made a mistake, but it's hard for me to live with myself when my mistake causes others physical or mental discomfort. Again, when I'm already scourging myself for not pleasing them, their negative emotion is easily absorbed and added to my own burden.

    I suppose it boils down the fact that my standard attitude toward myself is I'm-not-quite-good-enough. I can think of more ways in which I'm not-quite-good than anyone else on earth; I don't need any help in this. What I need help with is thinking of ways in which I am good enough.

    HOWEVER, when I'm spilling my guts to someone I love and trust, someone whom I already know loves me even with all my faults, and I'm trying to figure out why I did something wrong, or why something is irking me, or why something didn't go the way it should--then I'm happy to have that person say, "Well, it may be because you were thinking/doing X when you should have been thinking/doing Y." In that situation, the person is helping me solve a problem and see through a situation which has me stumped.

    I like cafe's example for the bad type of criticism. Someone saying with a smile, "Are you a visitor? It would be good for you to sign in at the office and get a nametag so everyone knows you're on campus legitimately," would be good. A teacher scolding me for being careless and assuming I'm trying to break the rules would really really hurt. The implication there, you see, is: "You're stupid and selfish and you're making my life difficult because you're too ignorant to follow the rules." The implication for the former is: "I know you want things to run smoothly, and here is how you can make that happen."

  7. #57
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    In general, I take criticism well. I know who I am and what my faults are already anyway. I don't get offended.

    Well intended and honest people will be critical but in a non-nitpicking and truly helpful way. Those win my respect. There are some that use it as a strange way of boosting their ego. They are often insecure/envious of others. I tend to dismiss such people... usually what they say about others says actually a great deal about their own fears and faults.

    Finally, you gain very little by criticizing others. It's alot more enjoyable to be around people who see the bright side of things.

  8. #58
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
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    Bright side of things = Maverick gives them the business end of his shiny six-guns!!

    Or whacks 'em with his big leathery gun belt!! Yeah!

    Or taunts them a second time with various and sundry witty bon mots that leave them reeling from the power of his vasty actualized mind!!
    eNFJ 4w3 sx/so 468 tritype
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    RLUEI, Choleric/Melancholic
    Inquistive/Limbic
    AIS Holland code
    Researcher: VDI-P
    Dramatic>Sensitive>Serious

  9. #59
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    Quote Originally Posted by PinkPiranha View Post
    Bright side of things = Maverick gives them the business end of his shiny six-guns!!

    Or whacks 'em with his big leathery gun belt!! Yeah!

    Or taunts them a second time with various and sundry witty bon mots that leave them reeling from the power of his vasty actualized mind!!
    Lady, you sure have your way with words. I'm speechless

  10. #60
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Maverick View Post
    Lady, you sure have your way with words. I'm speechless
    We are tribesmen in this crazy thing called "Life: ENxJ Edition", Kemosabe.



    [Note: Kemosabe translates to "please to be not pistol-whipping the dirty peons with your ginormous brain parts" or "God is my strength". Either or. Either or.]
    eNFJ 4w3 sx/so 468 tritype
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    Researcher: VDI-P
    Dramatic>Sensitive>Serious

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