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[INFJ] Is it common for INFJ's to come out of abusive/neglectful homes?

ReadingRainbows

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I've read some answers that suggest this and others that haven't,
I know what is true for myself, but what about you?
 

Udog

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I think it's a pretty common thing, in general. Many people have children before they've learned to care for themselves properly, and the children suffer for it.

The INFJ may just be more sensitive to it than some other types.
 

mlittrell

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just as any other type, of course it is possible for INFJs to come out of abusive homes.
 

ReadingRainbows

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Maybe its more the introversion trait than anything else..but I wonder how the perception is developed. Surely it involves an enviroment in which it needs to be developed?
 

Kyrielle

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Nope, my family was never abusive or neglectful. They were quite dysfunctional, however. Lots of arguments and "secret" carrying for my brother and I. You know, "Don't tell so-and-so this, but she's a bitch." and the other way round.

But I think most people develop personalities based on inherent tendencies in how they respond to situations. Someone who might be an ESTP might not be nearly as emotionally effected and would grow up and continue to be as confident as they were the day they were born. Whereas an INFJ might not.
 

MrRandom

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I come from a very, very loving and caring family.

However, that doesn't mean I was happy there.
 

iwakar

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Coincidence? I don't know. But I definitely grew up in an abusive household as did my mother. My INTP father was abused by his uncle. I also suspect that although my mother is an ESFJ (and has tested as such), she behaves like a warped ISTJ. Reaction to extreme trauma? Maybe.
 

StoryOfMyLife

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I'm fairly certain that any type could come from a neglectful/abusive household, though perhaps it is true that INFJ or I types are more receptive to it than others...

Growing up, I suffered from a lot of abuse- be it verbal, mental, or physical. My mother was single and too proud sometimes to just accept help from other family members, yet also then liked to play the victim card in saying that it was all my fault that she had to be a parent so young. [Yes, she used to tell me it was my fault I was born and that she should have gone through with the abortion her best friend talked her out of doing]. Then she married my step-dad who proceeded to abuse <i>her</i> for the first, oh...5 or 6 years they were married. And I got the brunt of the accusations as being the reason WHY they fought so often. On top of trying to keep my little brothers sheltered from that as much as I could...

My mom has gotten much less aggressive, as has my step-father [he's still a jack ass regardless] and for the worst of it, I suppose I've come out better than some people might have. My middle brother is having a lot of emotional issues, though they are being worked through [he is an ENTP, however]- and the youngest of us seems to have no cares in the world...I don't know if this is because most of the worst happened when I was a child, or if I was just more sensitive to it all.
 

iwakar

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I'm fairly certain that any type could come from a neglectful/abusive household, though perhaps it is true that INFJ or I types are more receptive to it than others...

Growing up, I suffered from a lot of abuse- be it verbal, mental, or physical. My mother was single and too proud sometimes to just accept help from other family members, yet also then liked to play the victim card in saying that it was all my fault that she had to be a parent so young. [Yes, she used to tell me it was my fault I was born and that she should have gone through with the abortion her best friend talked her out of doing]. Then she married my step-dad who proceeded to abuse <i>her</i> for the first, oh...5 or 6 years they were married. And I got the brunt of the accusations as being the reason WHY they fought so often. On top of trying to keep my little brothers sheltered from that as much as I could...

My mom has gotten much less aggressive, as has my step-father [he's still a jack ass regardless] and for the worst of it, I suppose I've come out better than some people might have. My middle brother is having a lot of emotional issues, though they are being worked through [he is an ENTP, however]- and the youngest of us seems to have no cares in the world...I don't know if this is because most of the worst happened when I was a child, or if I was just more sensitive to it all.

WHOA. You just described my life. I'm slightly freaked out.
 

ReadingRainbows

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My mom was off her rocker too...I went to dinner with her once and in proper form of blaming everything on someone else, she said it was all my fault she ate an extra plate of spagetti because I went to the bathroom and when she ordered it (she is morbidly obese) and my father was just uck..bad.
 

Halla74

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It is proven that extroverts handle stressful/traumatic situations MUCH DIFFERENTLY than introverts.

Extroverts brains literally shut down in the midst of trauma and suppress its chance of permanently damaging the psyche.

Introverts brains absorb each second of the trauma in frame by frame sequence, and can re-focus on it to that degree of accuracy years later.

So, I can see where if twin boys, one INFJ and the other ESTP were both born to a dysfunctional/abusive household, then one would potentially be more affected by that than the other.
 

Anja

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That's an interesting statement, Halla. I often wonder how one child can come out of an abusive home and become sensitive to the emotions of others, a champion of the underdog. And a sibling from the same environment becomes an abuser.
 

Lexicon

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I'd say I came from a dysfunctional family that also experienced a fair amount of trauma/tragedy on top of underlying dysfunction: (Mom with Borderline Personality Disorder who came from a very abusive home- vicious cycle thing - Father was terminally ill/died - BPD Mom developed codependent relationship w/children & dated men who abused her & her 2 kids - Mom abused alcohol; kids carried her to bed, etc/we were always to blame & I still am today - Brother was killed violently/suddenly -I'm still in a weird relationship w/my BPD mom.. feel responsible for her well being... she's emotionally abusive though.. it's maddening.. she's all I've got left.. y'know..)

I'd say my type developed as it has.. as almost a mental survival mechanism, really.
 
G

Glycerine

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Well, I lived in an orphanage for a few years and it took me many years to get over it... I had a lot of rage as a child for some unexplained reason. INFX would probably be the most sensitive to truamas.
Edit: Are you guys really skilled at repressing things as a defense mechanism?
 

Kyrielle

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Well, I lived in an orphanage for a few years and it took me many years to get over it... I had a lot of rage as a child for some unexplained reason. INFX would probably be the most sensitive to truamas.
Edit: Are you guys really skilled at repressing things as a defense mechanism?

I'm good at shutting down and shutting things out, if that's what you mean. Right now, I think repression is a bad thing in the long-term. If you do it too long, it starts to come out of you anyway in very dangerous ways. Which is why it's better to experience those shut off parts of yourself little by little. By feeling and coming to terms with whatever it is/was, you will later be free from it and no longer have to worry about keeping it away from you (consciously or unconsciously) all the time.

It is a good way to survive for the moment until you find your footing again, though.
 

Lexicon

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I'm good at shutting down and shutting things out, if that's what you mean. Right now, I think repression is a bad thing in the long-term. If you do it too long, it starts to come out of you anyway in very dangerous ways. Which is why it's better to experience those shut off parts of yourself little by little. By feeling and coming to terms with whatever it is/was, you will later be free from it and no longer have to worry about keeping it away from you (consciously or unconsciously) all the time.

It is a good way to survive for the moment until you find your footing again, though.

Agreed.

I've learned slowly how to take in those intense emotions, little by little.
It's an overwhelming process at times, but I know it's for the best in the longterm.


sidenote - HEY!
I lived in Marietta, GA back in like, 1993-1994.. Then I moved to Dallas, GA til '96. Then up to New England.
Random.
 

Dwigie

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Well, I had the "2nd child" syndrom and the title of "worst child" in my house. No not really, I think I interpreted it that way. It's sad but I can't seem to ever shake that feeling of being the "bad guy". I am more aware of it now so I can identify it.
We didn't really have abuse, a few traumatic episodes but what made me sensitive and "love hungry" was probably the lifestyle more than the family itself.
Nothing was stable, people died often, we were often in danger, many times I was completely unaware of some very important events,overall it's a big blob of misty confusion. I peer through it often and try to "understand why" I am the way I am but sometimes nothing comes up.
As for the "take in every second of.." for Introverts, painfully true here.
Even though I can repress my emotions they are bound to resurface destructively, so I let them free nowadays, for "health's sake".
 
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