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  1. #31
    Senior Member MrRandom's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tiny Army View Post
    I've known a number of deeply traumatised INFJs but I don't think it's a pattern. I just think a sizeable portion of the population are unfit to be parents and the result is traumatised children, regardless of type.
    Traumatic... it's a word that rings a bell. As I said earlier, I come from a very loving family, but outside home I had a couple of traumatic long-term issues. They've had a lasting effect on me. I suppose a difficult childhood might produce more introverted and imaginative (daydreaming of a better world) adults?

  2. #32
    Senior Member MrME's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tiny Army View Post
    I've known a number of deeply traumatised INFJs but I don't think it's a pattern. I just think a sizeable portion of the population are unfit to be parents and the result is traumatised children, regardless of type.
    Word to your mother.

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  3. #33
    Senior Member tibby's Avatar
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    I've known a number of deeply traumatised INFJs but I don't think it's a pattern.
    I wonder how adept are INFJs to deal with traumatic experiences? Is INFJsness a burdensome in this sense or a blessing?

    ESTJ and ENFJ I know both come from very traumatic childhoods, yet I see a remarkable difference in the way they deal with it. ESTJ might not seem to be affected as much as the result of it, but at the same time is unable to deal with the issues and escapes them - to material and artificial world of appearances, money, status and immediate pleasure, whatever. The ENFJ on the other hand has had a rougher road because of her sensitivity, but has also gained so much more, has been able to get peace with the stuff, no matter how hard it is, has a much more open-ended (optimistic) and philosophical view of the world anyway, is just somehow "liberated".

    I've had traumatic experiences - but in retrospect, I've gained so much more from them, have become the most happiest and peaceful person I thought I could ever become, sort of like turned out all the things in my personality and thinking (patterns, philosophical, rationality) and those experiences in my own advantage.

    I think it all comes down to how you regard things (might be a bit stoic view). I don't think INFJs become from more abused/neglectful homes or environments, we may perceive them as such more easily (not to say there aren't those that do come from extremely damaging homes) but we're just more sensitive to all of that. I'm not saying it's a good or a bad thing - again, how you regard it But honestly, I think it's a good thing, if you have the ability to go through everything you need to go through in order to get to a point where you can be at peace with yourself. Living easier as an e.g. ESTJ might be sure, as they don't "overanalyze" or "think too much about stuff", but for instance I would never choose that. To experience such difficult things and overcome them - is the most rewarding and enriching thing a human can do in his/her life.

    Sorry for I got a little out of topic here.

  4. #34
    Occasional Member Evan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lexicon View Post
    I'd say I came from a dysfunctional family that also experienced a fair amount of trauma/tragedy on top of underlying dysfunction: (Mom with Borderline Personality Disorder who came from a very abusive home- vicious cycle thing - Father was terminally ill/died - BPD Mom developed codependent relationship w/children & dated men who abused her & her 2 kids - Mom abused alcohol; kids carried her to bed, etc/we were always to blame & I still am today - Brother was killed violently/suddenly -I'm still in a weird relationship w/my BPD mom.. feel responsible for her well being... she's emotionally abusive though.. it's maddening.. she's all I've got left.. y'know..)

    I'd say my type developed as it has.. as almost a mental survival mechanism, really.
    Wow. My mom is BPD too (in my opinion, she's not diagnosed).

    Yeah, I think type can be somewhat of a response to an environment, too.

    Maybe this question would work better for type 9 INFJs, actually.

  5. #35
    Temporal Mechanic. Lexicon's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Evan View Post
    Wow. My mom is BPD too (in my opinion, she's not diagnosed).

    Yeah, I think type can be somewhat of a response to an environment, too.

    Maybe this question would work better for type 9 INFJs, actually.



    Yeah, my mom was never officially diagnosed, however she fits all the diagnostic criteria, & psychologists I have spoken with about her behavior patterns/emotional issues/turbulent interpersonal relationships, etc, have all agreed that's a likely diagnosis, though of course they couldn't be certain without offically evaluating her. Of course, my mom would never go for that. Damn black & white perspective on reality.. to her it would mean she was irreparably fucked up and insane. Which.. well.. in some ways she kinda is, but you get what I mean. The -ALL GOOD or ALL BAD- no gray area- outlook... it's gotta be so stressful to see the world that way constantly.

    Just curious, what's your mom's MBTI?
    Mine's an ISFJ.


    I could see how the initial thread topic might apply moreso to type 9 INFJs.
    I'm a 5. I think I may have used to fit the description of 9s when I was younger. I also had a lot less self value back then, something I attribute directly to upbringing/childhood experiences.. hmm.
    03/23 06:06:58 EcK: lex
    03/23 06:06:59 EcK: lex
    03/23 06:21:34 Nancynobullets: LEXXX *sacrifices a first born*
    03/23 06:21:53 Nancynobullets: We summon yooouuu
    03/23 06:29:07 Lexicon: I was sleeping!



    04/25 04:20:35 Patches: Don't listen to lex. She wants to birth a litter of kittens. She doesnt get to decide whats creepy

    02/16 23:49:38 ygolo: Lex is afk
    02/16 23:49:45 Cimarron: she's doing drugs with Jack

    03/05 19:27:41 Time: You can't make chat morbid. Lex does it naturally.

  6. #36
    Occasional Member Evan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lexicon View Post
    Yeah, my mom was never officially diagnosed, however she fits all the diagnostic criteria, & psychologists I have spoken with about her behavior patterns/emotional issues/turbulent interpersonal relationships, etc, have all agreed that's a likely diagnosis, though of course they couldn't be certain without offically evaluating her. Of course, my mom would never go for that. Damn black & white perspective on reality.. to her it would mean she was irreparably fucked up and insane. Which.. well.. in some ways she kinda is, but you get what I mean. The -ALL GOOD or ALL BAD- no gray area- outlook... it's gotta be so stressful to see the world that way constantly.

    Just curious, what's your mom's MBTI?
    Mine's an ISFJ.


    I could see how the initial thread topic might apply moreso to type 9 INFJs.
    I'm a 5. I think I may have used to fit the description of 9s when I was younger. I also had a lot less self value back then, something I attribute directly to upbringing/childhood experiences.. hmm.
    My mom is ISTJ...although I think she has stronger Fi than Te. (And her mom is also a BPD ISTJ...)

    P.S. How sure are you that you're a 5? (I'm sorry, I'm using my and magic's system here...) 5 and 9 are both avoiders (mostly weigh cons relatively higher than pros). But in terms of emotion control, 5 is suppressed (pushing emotions to the side), whereas 9 is controlled (spending effort trying to figure out which emotions are worth embracing/projecting and which are worth hiding/suppressing). It seems like IFJs are pretty likely to be controlled or turbulent (not a great word, I guess, but it means that emotions mostly just flow out as they come) -- suppressed seems the least likely. (The emotion variable has 3 possible values: suppressing, turbulent, controlling)

  7. #37
    Senior Member Silent Stars's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by StoryOfMyLife View Post
    I'm fairly certain that any type could come from a neglectful/abusive household, though perhaps it is true that INFJ or I types are more receptive to it than others...

    Growing up, I suffered from a lot of abuse- be it verbal, mental, or physical. My mother was single and too proud sometimes to just accept help from other family members, yet also then liked to play the victim card in saying that it was all my fault that she had to be a parent so young. [Yes, she used to tell me it was my fault I was born and that she should have gone through with the abortion her best friend talked her out of doing]. Then she married my step-dad who proceeded to abuse <i>her</i> for the first, oh...5 or 6 years they were married. And I got the brunt of the accusations as being the reason WHY they fought so often. On top of trying to keep my little brothers sheltered from that as much as I could...

    My mom has gotten much less aggressive, as has my step-father [he's still a jack ass regardless] and for the worst of it, I suppose I've come out better than some people might have. My middle brother is having a lot of emotional issues, though they are being worked through [he is an ENTP, however]- and the youngest of us seems to have no cares in the world...I don't know if this is because most of the worst happened when I was a child, or if I was just more sensitive to it all.
    Yeah, that's pretty much me as well, though I was never physically abused myself, but my step-dad threatened me on a few occasions and my mom ended up calling the cops. I also was blamed for quite a few things I had nothing at all to do with, including their marital problems, which, of course, didn't end when my mom kicked me out.
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  8. #38
    Temporal Mechanic. Lexicon's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Evan View Post
    My mom is ISTJ...although I think she has stronger Fi than Te. (And her mom is also a BPD ISTJ...)

    P.S. How sure are you that you're a 5? (I'm sorry, I'm using my and magic's system here...) 5 and 9 are both avoiders (mostly weigh cons relatively higher than pros). But in terms of emotion control, 5 is suppressed (pushing emotions to the side), whereas 9 is controlled (spending effort trying to figure out which emotions are worth embracing/projecting and which are worth hiding/suppressing). It seems like IFJs are pretty likely to be controlled or turbulent (not a great word, I guess, but it means that emotions mostly just flow out as they come) -- suppressed seems the least likely. (The emotion variable has 3 possible values: suppressing, turbulent, controlling)
    Every time I've tested I've come out a 5.
    I'm not sure if this makes a difference at all, but I've always tested out as INFJ, with the exception of perhaps 2 occasions, where I came out INTJ.
    Over the more recent years, I've found myself rationalizing/analyzing/finding patterns in a more linear way that I had previously.
    My best friends are an INTJ & INTP. I can relate to them, but at the same time I sense very disctinct differences in our decisionmaking/insights of ourselves & others/how we handle our emotions, etc.. they're what I would have referred to in the past as "colder" regarding certain aspects of life that I could be, however at the same time I value their logic.

    Eh, makes sense I'd score something on the Enneagram that's not quite 'typical' of IFJs in general.. I have difficulty relating on an extremely profound level to anyone here, regardless of type. Goes for IRL as well.

    Meh. I'm an alien. I'm cool with it, I s'pose. :rolli:
    03/23 06:06:58 EcK: lex
    03/23 06:06:59 EcK: lex
    03/23 06:21:34 Nancynobullets: LEXXX *sacrifices a first born*
    03/23 06:21:53 Nancynobullets: We summon yooouuu
    03/23 06:29:07 Lexicon: I was sleeping!



    04/25 04:20:35 Patches: Don't listen to lex. She wants to birth a litter of kittens. She doesnt get to decide whats creepy

    02/16 23:49:38 ygolo: Lex is afk
    02/16 23:49:45 Cimarron: she's doing drugs with Jack

    03/05 19:27:41 Time: You can't make chat morbid. Lex does it naturally.

  9. #39
    Occasional Member Evan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lexicon View Post
    Every time I've tested I've come out a 5.
    I'm not sure if this makes a difference at all, but I've always tested out as INFJ, with the exception of perhaps 2 occasions, where I came out INTJ.
    Over the more recent years, I've found myself rationalizing/analyzing/finding patterns in a more linear way that I had previously.
    My best friends are an INTJ & INTP. I can relate to them, but at the same time I sense very disctinct differences in our decisionmaking/insights of ourselves & others/how we handle our emotions, etc.. they're what I would have referred to in the past as "colder" regarding certain aspects of life that I could be, however at the same time I value their logic.

    Eh, makes sense I'd score something on the Enneagram that's not quite 'typical' of IFJs in general.. I have difficulty relating on an extremely profound level to anyone here, regardless of type. Goes for IRL as well.

    Meh. I'm an alien. I'm cool with it, I s'pose. :rolli:
    Testing doesn't mean that much...I usually come out INTP unless I fudge my answers.



    Check out my system (in my sig)?

  10. #40
    Temporal Mechanic. Lexicon's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Evan View Post
    Testing doesn't mean that much...I usually come out INTP unless I fudge my answers.



    Check out my system (in my sig)?
    "So then we have avoidant types. They generally over-estimate the cost end of cost-benefit analyses. These people tend to spend more time on avoiding what they don't like than they do on seeking what they do like. When they can't avoid stress, they often fall into an almost fatalistic state of passivity. Throwing weight around is something these types seem to have particular distaste for. These types are 4, 5, and 9.


    The suppressive types try to keep their emotions from speaking up. They tend to believe that they can work best when they are not hearing their emotions much or at all. By default they are well composed people. But when they fail to successfully suppress their emotions, it often results in awkward displays. These types are 1, 3, and 5."



    Of the descriptions of the categories provided, these were all I could relate to.

    I used to be more overtly expressive with selective emotions a few yrs ago, but it's slowly become pretty much the above described. I experience my emotions, but I make a conscious decision not to respond to them, especially when I'm working on/toward something. They're all a pot of boiling water I willingly place on the backburner to maintain overall efficiency and clarity in situations.

    It's funny, my INFP friend makes a note of it.. gets all excited.. on the rare occasions I'm caught off guard and burst out laughing at something. Like, audibly laugh. I didn't even notice I never laugh out loud. Or jump up and down all excited. Very rare, and when it's pointed out, my initial emotional response is an exposed & vulnerable feeling.


    I suppose it may make sense.. at least in my mind.. to psychologically survive after the upbringing I had, I needed to shut out negative emotions; tune out my own internal pain.
    If I didn't.. there are times I'm pretty sure I would have given up, and ended my life.
    After my brother died, I gained this increasing sense of urgency that I want to do so much with my life... and I still had a lot of emotional hurdles to get through. It became all the more 'safe' & 'beneficial for happiness/health longterm' in my subconscious, to suppress/set aside all my emotional responses to my immediate environment, unpleasant & otherwise. I mean, I still feel. It's just in a more detached sort of way.. if that makes sense..
    03/23 06:06:58 EcK: lex
    03/23 06:06:59 EcK: lex
    03/23 06:21:34 Nancynobullets: LEXXX *sacrifices a first born*
    03/23 06:21:53 Nancynobullets: We summon yooouuu
    03/23 06:29:07 Lexicon: I was sleeping!



    04/25 04:20:35 Patches: Don't listen to lex. She wants to birth a litter of kittens. She doesnt get to decide whats creepy

    02/16 23:49:38 ygolo: Lex is afk
    02/16 23:49:45 Cimarron: she's doing drugs with Jack

    03/05 19:27:41 Time: You can't make chat morbid. Lex does it naturally.

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