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  1. #61
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    Quote Originally Posted by Orangey View Post
    I'd be interested in hearing about why you think so...perhaps some personal examples?
    This partially answers your question

    Quote Originally Posted by simulatedworld View Post
    This is mostly accurate...

    INFP and INFJ typically do NOT get along well, in my experience.

    I have one band with 5 people where 4 of us each represent one of the four xNxP types, and then the fifth guy is INFJ...so he's already at odds with our perspectives on that point.

    Nonetheless, he tends to get along ok with all of us except the INFP! They clash like hell.

    The key difference, I think, is that the INFP's Fi views ethics as an end unto itself...INFPs wish to possess the most internally consistent ethical viewpoint because that is the end goal.

    INFJ's Ni views ethics as a means to an end, though, and INFPs find that disingenuous and rather disturbing. (In truth, INFJ's dominant Ni makes him much more similar to an INTJ than to an INFP...note how well INTJ and INFJ tend to see eye to eye, but this is not true of INFJ/INFP or of INTJ/INTP. Another example of J/P being the biggest difference!)

    I find that the type that shares your first three letters but not the last one tends to be one of the hardest to get along with in general...has anyone else noticed that?
    In response to both questions I have definitely noticed this! I have talked to my ENTP friends and they both agreed they do no get along with ENTJs. They make them uneasy.

    It is quite hard for me to describe why I cannot get along with INFPs. I know three (two female, one male) And while we can communicate fairly well, our opinions are almost opposite on the topic in question. For example, we both think we "get it" when talking about a philosophic issue. When can never come to a consensus. I can only agree with people who have the Fe function. I tend to use it as a means to and end to fit into the framework. The Fe thinks about the situation as it applies to others where the Fi sees it applying to themselves as an end in itself. I have heard an INFP utter those same words when arguing about something. Since this is their dominant function and I do not understand it, we usually do not get along too well. There is this unacknowledged friction. We should just agree to disagree once and for all but we end up arguing too often for my liking. Since both of our types don't like conflict we don't usually end up being friends.

    Although INFPs share the same first three letters, our functions are opposites in regard to them being either extroverted or introverted.

    The way we use our functions are opposite, which all has to do with the P and J.

    I think INFJs would get along better with INTJs because they have Introverted Intuition as a dominant function. They are supported by different yet still extroverted functions (Fe and Te). I think they complement each other well. I think you tend to get along with those that have functions in common with you.

  2. #62
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nyx View Post
    Do any INFJs find relationships with INFPs a little tense (I suppose more so when the INFP is mentally unhealthy)? I think it is that whole inside out thing...
    Or when the INFJ is unhealthy

    I find I get along just fine with INFJs online, and I only know one in person, and what little interaction we've had has been fine. I don't know what he thinks about me, but I don't get any sense of offending or annoying him.
    We're both so quiet that I don't see us ever really being friends, whereas his ENFJ wife & I click better.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  3. #63
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    I really like the OP. I also agree that often INFJs and INFPs don't seem to quite hitch. Strangely, I have found that I've had a number of friends both online and in real life who are INFPs. I feel as if I have learned a lot more over the last little while about how they think. However, I think it always surprises and trips me up when there are differences that I didn't foresee and there are some things that still don't make any sense from my perspective.

  4. #64
    Revelation Lauren Ashley's Avatar
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    Hmmm...I like INFPs. In real life and online. They're one of my favorite types online, especially. I'm so impressed by their creativity and imagination, and they are great mental companions once you get to know them. There is the occasional one I don't get along with, but that's with every type, even my own. I tend to work well with NPs, in general.

  5. #65
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    I can get along well with INFJs when I stop focusing so much on my own emotional response to everything they're saying and try my best to just listen to them.

    However, I usually don't feel I am fully able to understand the INFJ to a level that they would like (although I wish I were capable of understanding and accepting their points of view better). All too often I look at myself as the INFJ's student, and I know that I could learn a lot from them. Yet I find myself wondering if I will ever teach the INFJ something useful, if I can ever contribute to their personal growth or help them?

    I am not implying that INFJs need help, but when the situation does arise, I usually can offer no advice that they would find constructive, and all I can do is somewhat empathize, which doesn't seem to help much either, as my ability to empathize with others is not as strong as that of the INFJ's. I always believe that they've heard everything before that I could tell them as far as encouragement or advice, they've seen the possibilities I might mention and already know which one is best. Altogether there is not much I can do for one if they're going through a hard time besides perhaps try my best to listen or point them in the direction of a type that might understand them better, and I mean this in all seriousness.

    I suppose this is a problem for me because I like to help others, or more precisely, on the selfish level that this desire originates from, be perceived as helpful. It highlights my own desire to be liked, my insecurity and my jealousy, in that I am not satisfied unless I am considered insightful or helpful by someone I assume others consider deeply insightful and helpful. I want what I can't have, and I believe I try to reconcile this envy by trying to help the INFJ. If I can help them, I can feel much more like their equal, but as I've already stated several times, I am unable to do this for them. It is also disturbing to me in that I would much rather help them for the sake of being helpful than for the sake of helping them, but I am unsure of how to change this part of myself, if it can be changed.

    When an INFJ does need to vent, the situation was not about me originally, but when I cannot do anything for said INFJ, it unintentionally becomes about me through my feelings of uselessness for someone who is so useful to others (and I hate that I always feel this way). I suppose it is unhealthy to value your self against someone else.

    This post is very subjective so I'm not trying to lump all INFPs into my behavior. I just wanted to include observations of myself and of my own issue of jealousy and how it plays into this relationship. I focused a lot on the negatives of the INFJ and the INFJ-INFP relationship so I apologize for that. I do not mean to insult INFJs, just offering my perspective.

    I think an INFJ-INFP friendship will always have its own share of friction. This is not to say we can't be good friends with each other, I just think it takes more work, lots of maturity, a greater ability to detach from subjective opinions (this is especially true for the INFP) and a common desire to be friends in the first place and put the other person before yourself (something that seems very natural for the INFJ, not so much for the INFP unless it is of their own wish).

    Sorry for the whine fest.
    4w3 sx/sp? INFP, INFp

  6. #66
    man-made neptunesnet's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mystical_Spaghetti View Post
    I can get along well with INFJs when I stop focusing so much on my own emotional response to everything they're saying and try my best to just listen to them.

    However, I usually don't feel I am fully able to understand the INFJ to a level that they would like (although I wish I were capable of understanding and accepting their points of view better). All too often I look at myself as the INFJ's student, and I know that I could learn a lot from them. Yet I find myself wondering if I will ever teach the INFJ something useful, if I can ever contribute to their personal growth or help them?

    I am not implying that INFJs need help, but when the situation does arise, I usually can offer no advice that they would find constructive, and all I can do is somewhat empathize, which doesn't seem to help much either, as my ability to empathize with others is not as strong as that of the INFJ's. I always believe that they've heard everything before that I could tell them as far as encouragement or advice, they've seen the possibilities I might mention and already know which one is best. Altogether there is not much I can do for one if they're going through a hard time besides perhaps try my best to listen or point them in the direction of a type that might understand them better, and I mean this in all seriousness.

    I suppose this is a problem for me because I like to help others, or more precisely, on the selfish level that this desire originates from, be perceived as helpful. It highlights my own desire to be liked, my insecurity and my jealousy, in that I am not satisfied unless I am considered insightful or helpful by someone I assume others consider deeply insightful and helpful. I want what I can't have, and I believe I try to reconcile this envy by trying to help the INFJ. If I can help them, I can feel much more like their equal, but as I've already stated several times, I am unable to do this for them. It is also disturbing to me in that I would much rather help them for the sake of being helpful than for the sake of helping them, but I am unsure of how to change this part of myself, if it can be changed.

    When an INFJ does need to vent, the situation was not about me originally, but when I cannot do anything for said INFJ, it unintentionally becomes about me through my feelings of uselessness for someone who is so useful to others (and I hate that I always feel this way). I suppose it is unhealthy to value your self against someone else.

    This post is very subjective so I'm not trying to lump all INFPs into my behavior. I just wanted to include observations of myself and of my own issue of jealousy and how it plays into this relationship. I focused a lot on the negatives of the INFJ and the INFJ-INFP relationship so I apologize for that. I do not mean to insult INFJs, just offering my perspective.

    I think an INFJ-INFP friendship will always have its own share of friction. This is not to say we can't be good friends with each other, I just think it takes more work, lots of maturity, a greater ability to detach from subjective opinions (this is especially true for the INFP) and a common desire to be friends in the first place and put the other person before yourself (something that seems very natural for the INFJ, not so much for the INFP unless it is of their own wish).

    Sorry for the whine fest.

    Ah, yes. I know what you mean.
    I, too, envy my INFJ friend because there's nothing I can offer her.
    I could present an idea or make a suggestion, but there's a good chance she's already thought of it or of something better.
    It's frustrating! :steam:
    It's not her fault that she is insanely perfect and is like me but better at being me (if that makes any sense ). I've learned over time to block most of those feelings out, but I still get uneasy around her sometimes. The worst part about that is I feel like an even more awful person for being envious of her, and my jealousy just proves my inferiority. I hate it!

  7. #67
    #005645 phthalocyanine's Avatar
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    i've only known one INFJ irl and we get along pretty well, our sense of humor is alike and we're both interested in the same kinds of things...when things are light we are very compatible...but when things are more serious, i think she's a bit too domineering..maybe she's used to being the only INFx female in a given group, or just leading in general, but she definitely wants to be in command to some degree and seems to perceive my uber-inclusiveness as ...unnecessary, or maybe just counter-productive. i don't do it on purpose of course, i want everyone to get along, but maybe that in itself can be irksome to her..the perceived 'goodiness' i mean.. favoring people over functionality, or whatever..(i would argue that favoring people IS functional, but i digress).
    i tend to be more outspoken than many INFPs i've known, so maybe i'm just confusing to her..soft socially but strong in principles..i don't know...the one rough spot for me is that she doesn't seem to be as open to talking about problems or admitting personal frustrations as i am..so it's hard feeling like i've hit a brick wall at times..tough when you want to be there to help someone who doesn't want it.

    maybe we're too alike in some ways and too different in others. i still think she is swell, though, really.. and very talented.

    "We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.."
    -Oscar Wilde



  8. #68
    morose bourgeoisie
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    Quote Originally Posted by Noel View Post
    Despite the predisposed short comings of being an INFP male, I'm thankful for not being an INFJ male - I think they experience life with a little more difficulty than an INFP male. They're probably the most worst off regarding NF males with INFPs in a close second.
    Interesting. My Bro-in-law is an INFJ. As smart and talented as he is, he is very fragile and just can't go out at all. But that's just an encdote.
    I like the list, but I relate to many of the INFJ traits, so I don't know how 'accurate' it is.

  9. #69
    Senior Member Bamboo's Avatar
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    I think INFPs and INFJs have so much trouble knowing who or what they are at any one time that they are willing to go along with with any description which intuitively seems correct.

    Like a series of inverted sentences, for instance.





    You guys.
    Don't know how much it'll bend til it breaks.

  10. #70
    Reptilian Snuggletron's Avatar
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    One of my best and longest-known friends (does knowing him my whole life count?) is an INFJ. We've always got along well but not as good as my ENFP friend of 4 years. He is very involved in his duties, and he always sees work before play. He's an eagle scout and organizes scout meetings, as well as holding two jobs and going to school full time. Growing up we were interested in the same things, but had different ways of carrying them out. He understood how to keep balance between working and playing efficiently and I didn't. In our creative/play activities, I would go incredibly deep into a certain thing, while he stayed relatively close to shore just in case he needed to go back on land to fulfill something else, while I was looking back wondering why he left. He sees things through and I get bored of things quickly. He doesn't mind speaking what is on his mind or telling people how it is, all while still being warm to people generally. INFJ is like a functional INFP, lol.

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