[ENFP] ENFPs in love? what's it like?

[sculpting]

I actually feel love for many people. I make connections ("alliances" I once heard it called it a SF book) with many folks around me and I love them. Once they commit to the mission, or seem to fall for the flutterby, they become part of my bizarre cosmic whole and I take care of them and they are mine.

However I have never tried the "falling in love" thing. I was with an ISTP. Emotions are silly.

For an ENFP what is it like to walk along that cliff and then jump off? How do you ever recover when things end?

I dont think I will try myself as I have the Fi packaged very nicely on a shelf, however I would like to have a better understanding of how this plays out.

 

[sculpting]

cant you tell its close to V day...

sappy eh?

 

[CzeCze]

yes, and you should never hold yourself back from falling in love because then you become a prime target for the Love Bug. and when it bites you, it will bite you EXTRA HARD just to teach you a lesson.

especially for enfps - don't fight or try to shield your fi from the world - it just gets you in the end.

 

[Shaula]

How do you ever recover when things end?

One of my ENFP friends claim that she can never fall out of love with someone even if the other person has long moved on in the relationship... So I imagine recovery for an ENFP is... difficult.

flutterby

Seriousy, do all ENFPs use this word or am I just crazy?

 

[alexx]

Seriousy, do all ENFPs use this word or am I just crazy?

I use it too.


I love people - all kinds of people - but falling in love with someone is very different to me. And yes, I love my ex's even when it ends.

I live in the here and now, it hard for me to imagine "the end" in a logical way...

I'd rather cherish every second of it than worry about where it will go.

 

[Tiny Army]

I find that I am usually the one to end a relationship. I am still friendly with most of my exes. We were just going different places and our breakups were usually amicable.

I'm currently in a committed relationship with an INXP. We can really talk about anything.

 

[the state i am in]

what kind of approach does it feel like for an enfp to be in love love. they are spread out so wide, they find such broad connections moving in so many directions, how do they ever prioritize one?

 

[Lady_X]

i've always been the one to end relationships too and it's hard for me...but i imagine it might be much harder if it were the other way around...or maybe not...then i wouldn't have to worry about hurting them...actually that might be easier.

i can't imagine it feels any different than it does for anyone else...can it?

 

[ThatsWhatHeSaid]

IT'S TERRIBLE!!!!

:horor:

 

[Moiety]

Love is a built-in defense mechanism which helps coping with there being no greener pastures within sight.

 

[BlueScreen]

No idea, felt it, but never really gone that far. I'm decently avoidative. And a pain in the ass to get close to emotionally.

Normally I kill it by being disinterested, or I kill it by being too interested. And these days I have the cool combination of seeming disinterested when I'm really interested.

 

[Lady_X]

Love is a built-in defense mechanism which helps coping with there being no greener pastures within sight.

omg that's funny! not true for me but oh so funny...haha

 

[Moiety]

No idea, felt it, but never really gone that far. I'm decently avoidative. And a pain in the ass to get close to emotionally.

Normally I kill it by being disinterested, or I kill it by being too interested. And these days I have the cool combination of seeming disinterested when I'm really interested.

Man, this is exactly me. Word for word.


Er, I mean....


Greener pastures!!

 

[phoenix13]

Being in love sucks. Everything is more intense. All the overanalyzing, overreacting, over-everything is much worse. I've turned self-restraint into an art form... and I still look insane!

Interestingly, the 2 times I've fallen in love, it took me a loooooong time to realize/ admit to myself that I'd fallen. The first took me approx. 3 years (no joke). The second took approx. 3 months (improvement ).

Oh, and being loved makes the being in love waaaaaay less lame.

 

[sculpting]

No idea, felt it, but never really gone that far. I'm decently avoidative. And a pain in the ass to get close to emotionally.

Normally I kill it by being disinterested, or I kill it by being too interested. And these days I have the cool combination of seeming disinterested when I'm really interested.

This is so true for me. If I like you I either dont talk to you, or get so over infatuated I just seem to be nuts.

I think perhaps I was like a comet that recently swung just a wee to close to the black hole of love. A little bit of me started to get sucked down in that gaping clusterfuck. I ran like hell, but it pulled and pulled. I finally broke free, but that is some seriously scary, bad shit. Stay away!

Way too many emotions get dragged to the surface and I turn into a moron. A totally crazy stalker stupid moron. god that sucks.

Relationships may just be out of the question. All that stuff between saying hi and getting naked really confuses me. Once naked, I am okay and can manage.

How does an extroverted person, enfp, avoid getting sucked into the "object" of interest? How can you remain detached and reasonable? So far I just dont engage much.

 

[BlueScreen]

Me not being able to form a decent sentence is the best way to know if I like you. As you said though, it's not like I'm not going to be insanely fun and be some sort of liability once you get past that stage, it is just getting past there. I can't ever detach for long enough to be comfortable. Or others probably can't attach for long enough comfortably. I've never got any expectation of them to though. It's just if I'm there I give it my all.

On how to avoid it. I think the answer is don't. We adapt too much naturally. Be yourself and learn to fall. If they like it, they'll like it, if they think you are a freak, so be it. Most people have trouble permanently thinking you are a freak. Especially as ENFP. The minute you walk off and find interest in something new they see all the ENFPness and start chasing you again.

Though sometimes this creates one of those annoying cycles of, "oh, you have a brain and emotions, argh!", "wow, now you're simple and fun and brainless and uncomplicated, maybe I can lock you in that state, I might chase again and try".

 

[sculpting]

On how to avoid it. I think the answer is don't. We adapt too much naturally. Be yourself and learn to fall. If they like it, they'll like it, if they think you are a freak, so be it. Most people have trouble permanently thinking you are a freak. Especially as ENFP. The minute you walk off and find interest in something new they see all the ENFPness and start chasing you again.".

My coworkers know me well!! They love the craziness, especially the SJs and say I make meetings fun with my craziness. They all complain of how quiet the building is when I am not there. I am like a well loved puppy in thw workplace and I can encourage them and give them enthusiasm. They accept the ups and downs and spacticity and I feel like I can be open with them. An observer recently said I am the "hero" of the group.

However all of that exposed to some new person looks a bit overwhelming and crazy. I renounce men> for this week anyways>

 

[Moiety]

Me not being able to form a decent sentence is the best way to know if I like you. As you said though, it's not like I'm not going to be insanely fun and be some sort of liability once you get past that stage, it is just getting past there.

This is me too.

For me it's like I can't work my ENFP magic anymore until I know I'm accepted. I go from knowing no boundaries to tiptoeing throw conversations. Plus I start being nice, which I hate.

 

[Lady_X]

me too...i turn shy for a bit before...it's awful.