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[MBTI General] INTJ: gooey on the inside

rushig

New member
Joined
Aug 6, 2009
Messages
21
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
9w1
My Bro is an INTJ (I made him take the test) and he is a softie indeed.
Reads all romantic novels and movies and is very soft hearted and kind.
But I don't think many have seen it though. only the closest get to see such a side I think coz he is well guarded emotionally out side the bounds of home!
 

uumlau

Happy Dancer
Joined
Feb 9, 2010
Messages
5,517
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
953
Instinctual Variant
sp/so
I get this frequently too. My ENFJ and ENFP friends think I'm a very caring person and that I go out of my way to help others. My ISTJ dad thinks I'm too nice to others. And I don't quite understand why. The only thing I really try to do is to be a decent person.

What I think happens with INTJs, especially those that appear caring to most others, is that they were taught some good social rules early on, that these were "this is how you deal with people" rules. For TJ types, these rules are regarded as pretty hard and fast, you don't change them, because if you start trying to guess them or figure them out from scratch TJ (lacking Fe) gets it wrong.

So as long as we were reasonably socialized as kids, we tend to treat even complete assholes "decently", without blowing up, without apparently acting immature, using simple rules of "being nice", and calmly, intellectually approaching problems from an objective standpoint. Why? Because those are the rules. The FJs, especially if they can read us, note that while we might be clumsy, that there is very little in the way of meanness or spitefulness. The FPs note that we're being intellectually objective in exactly the way they want to be, even though they find it difficult to be that objective.

What's funny is that they're all reacting warmly to me, when I'm being, for the most part, logical and reasonable and problem-solving, which involves very little emoting (there's the occasional "wow, this is a really cool idea" kind of emoting, but I'm not emoting to express my own warmth or to make them feel warm).

Mostly, though, I think they start noticing a certain level of patience, of taking people at their word, of dealing forthrightly with matters, and to a lot of people who are used to others being snarky, spiteful, backstabbing, grouchy, etc., this near-emotionlessness of the INTJ appears ... well ... "nice."

This isn't the case for all INTJs. INTJs who are too wounded, or self-involved, or possess any number of other of issues of immaturity, won't appear this "nice" and will often have a rather harsh "bite" to their self expression. But for most reasonably well-adjusted INTJs, yeah, they'll come off as very "nice."
 
Joined
Mar 18, 2008
Messages
76
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
5w4
My definition of INTJ's gooey insides: a naive little child.

When Fi manifests in my INTJ friend, he comes off like a child. Most of the time, it appear in flickers. And when it comes, I question his type (whatttt~), because he becomes unlike his poker/grouchy/arrogant face.

Say there was this event, a more prominent one, where the bbq-ed sausage was perched precariously on the skewer stick and since he was the nearest to me and my hands were dirty, I asked him for help. I think he misheard what I said, he thought the sausage was for him. When he was going to bite it, I reacted strongly and told him it was not for him because I had the intention of giving it to ENFP friend. Then, throughout the whole night, he practically and literally ignored me. Whenever I asked him for something or a question or anything, he pretended he didn't hear them. He was like a kid, whom was mad at me because I didn't want to give him that candy he wanted, and so his reaction was to ignore me. ~_~ When we were on our way home, he gave me this weird childlike expression and in which he promptly took out a cartoon wallet... it would have roll on the floor laughing (because it was so ooc of him), if I wasn't so tired then.

There were other rare occasions where he acted like a child. All of a sudden, he would whine or sulk. I don't rmbr much, but I rmbr because everyone was so lethargic & hungry yet everyone was waiting for someone to make a move and my ENFP best friend's mood was affected by it, so I ended up serving them food. And when I was serving their food, I served the rest first (even though they were not seated), and all of a sudden INTJ gave me this mild accusing pout (don't ask me how he does that) in which he tells me, "You know, you are damm biased." ... in which I reacted by shoving a plate of food to him and he ended up smirking happily and chewing on his food. I swear when he acts like a child, I want to stuff him in the face :doh: but then the ooc-ness, rarity and the slight adorableness makes me unable to do that.

He whines, sulks and smiles like a little kid. Even when he is emotionally unstable (trying to hold his tears) (I only saw it once, so scarryy), his emotions (anger and frustration) manifest as a child whom does not know how to control them. Wait... I think I wrote about it before in this thread: http://www.typologycentral.com/forums/nt-rationale/8567-intj-anger-5.html#post913494
 
Last edited:

Lark

Active member
Joined
Jun 21, 2009
Messages
29,569
This is a really good response. Let's face it we are softies on the inside regardless as to what we might reveal in most situations. Once we let people into our "circle", we're fiercely loyal. We're sentimental, romantics at heart, forgiving, and stand up for others, especially if we think they are being treated unfairly. We have very strong feelings and we do really care about people. People see through the shell, particularly when they get to know us well. At least, that's what I think.

there can be only one
 

Tilt

Active member
Joined
Sep 18, 2015
Messages
2,584
MBTI Type
ENFJ
Enneagram
3w4
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
Agreed. I remember trying way too hard to be matter-of-factly and offending a couple because I inadvertently disregarded moments of emotional vulnerability...oops.

Despite everything that went down, basically any topic is up for discussion with my INTJ friend. And being in his inner circle means that he usually makes a point to respond to me/makes time for me even when I have been so ambivalent about the friendship. If they like you, they definitely like you.
 

Poki

New member
Joined
Dec 4, 2008
Messages
10,436
MBTI Type
STP
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
My INTJ dad is thrifty, utilitarian, grumpy ol man who has things he doesnt like. But escape into the things he does like with him and MAN that hard, grumpy, utilitarian side just disappears. And a random, love you, thank you for being you, for helping etc. Is not uncommon. Its just on his terms, not an i im gonna say love you everytime he hangs up the phone.
 
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