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[INFP] INFPs and Depression?

superkumquat

New member
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Feb 4, 2009
Messages
8
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infp
So I was talking to my mom about this terrible teacher I have, and how he was yelling at this girl and it really upset me. And after I get done explaining how terrible the teacher was, thinking that my mom is actually interested, she tells me that she was thinking about getting some depression medication for me, and told me that it's not normal to get so upset over things. And I was wondering, is this extreme empathy a personality thing, or is really abnormal? Do any other INFPs have problems with depression? I don't really think of myself as depressed... I do get depressed every now and then, but I'm generally a pretty happy person. It just seems like it's who I am. Things affect me really deeply, but that's just how I am. Ugh. Any thoughts?
 

SolitaryWalker

Tenured roisterer
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Apr 23, 2007
Messages
3,504
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INTP
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5w6
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so/sx
INFP is the type that tends to empathize with greatest intensity. There is a slight tendency towards depression because as such a strongly Feeling oriented type the INFP longs to be close to others or to be accepted by them for the very least. However, because this type is intensely introverted, and unlike the FJs does not easily conform to the social norms, the INFP often does not get the results he/she wants in that regard.

Also, because the Thinking faculty of the INFP is the most supressed of all types, he/she struggles to efficiently solve problems, even the most basic ones, that are necessary to solve in order to avoid stress. Note, in order for us to be at peace, we must believe that our environment is orderly and predictable. Because the INFP tends to struggle with Thinking (especially the young ones), they have a difficult time organizing their environment and making it predictable. Thus, they are prone to stress.

However, INFPs who are in a congenial social environment (for instance, those who have supportive friends or family) or those who make it a point to cultivate their Thinking faculty avoid depression more easily.

So, being an INFP does not entail depression, yet this type has inclinations towards depression that are more pronounced than such inclinations of other types.

In your case, it is unclear that you are depressed. It is very normal for INFPs to feel that strongly about such situations due to the natural intense sensitivity of this type. The incident that you have cited does not show that you are depressed. You are depressed only if you have consistently been in a negative emotive state for multiple months and such a state of mind appears to be completely uncaused, or seems to have almost nothing to do with your circumstances. Or, for the very least if it is clear that your unfavorable external circumstances could not have inflicted such intense harm upon you.

In short depression is an internally rooted tendency to experience intensely negative circumstances. (It is not the same thing as feeling deeply disturbed as a result of having something upsetting happen to you)
 

superkumquat

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Feb 4, 2009
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8
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infp
I think she just thought I was depressed because I tend to react very strongly to things, in both extremes. From what you said, it seems like that's not depression, just me being the strange person I am :) I think that the idea of medication "fixing" me just seemed strange. It's like "fixing" my personality. Thanks for the input, it helped.
 

blanclait

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Oct 7, 2008
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305
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ENTP
now i had to actually see the teacher to assess if your emotional response was beyond the norm or not.
unless your mother's speciality is in psychology or somethings its hard to trust her diagnosis completely.

from what i'm getting right now, you just got moody. Which is no problem, some people are more emotional than others. Along as it doesn't interfere with daily activity is fine.
 

superkumquat

New member
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Feb 4, 2009
Messages
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infp
haha. I guess moody doesn't require medication :) Really, though, I think it was just about how I react to things in general. Like when the teacher was yelling at that poor girl, I felt like crying myself. And how I cry at people's funerals, even if I didn't really know the person. Just stuff like that. My mom did major in psychology, though...
 

saxman

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Jan 7, 2009
Messages
22
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INFP
Just about every INFP, and maybe every NF, that I know has been told they were depressed at one point or another. I think this is a matter of other people not understanding the emotional nature of an NF, and thinking it needs to be fixed.

Emotions are fuel that motivate people. Emotions are not the problem, and it is not a matter of learning how to suppress them. Rather it is about learning what the emotions are trying to tell us.

Serious depression is of course a medical condition, and is much different than being an emotional person. Only a professional would be able to diagnose that.
 

superkumquat

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yeah, that sounds right. Just another thing to be misunderstood about :p That kind of helps to know that part of it is just my personality.
 

Nonsensical

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ENFPs are more prone to depression than INFPs, because ENFPs relieve stress and problems through talking about it to others, and resolving these conflicts, and are changed by their environment, and often times they will be in a depressing environment and won't have anyone to talk to, leading to a depressive state. INFPs can manage things by themselves on the inside better, and don't need people to talk to-only solitude, which isn't hard for them to attaine. However, in no way do INFPs not get depressed- as they do quite often, but I'd think ENFPs would be more prone.
 

SolitaryWalker

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I'd argue that INFPs are more easily influenced by their environment than ENFPs because they tend to be more emotionally involved. Fi gives only an illusory perception of one's ability to work problems out internally. It merely processes emotions internally, but does not get the necessary closure to properly 'work them out'.

In order to properly work through them or to relieve stress, one simply needs to see light at the end of the tunnel. This is to be received either by getting affirmation from others, or by solving the problem that is the source of grief. Fi alone does neither. The ENFP on the other hand more easily receives affirmation from others for the reasons that you have mentioned and is more in tune with the faculty of Thinking which renders problem solving easier.

On that note I'd say the ENFP is less prone to depression than the INFP.
 

superkumquat

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Feb 4, 2009
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It would be awful for me to have to talk to someone about what I'm feeling all the time. In that respect I can see how it would be hard for an enfp if they didn't have anyone to talk to.
 

BlackCat

Shaman
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Nov 19, 2008
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You don't have to do anything about it. If you have your other functions developed you can deal with these obstacles in your psyche just fine. Si and Te help a lot.
 

CzeCze

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So I was talking to my mom about this terrible teacher I have, and how he was yelling at this girl and it really upset me. And after I get done explaining how terrible the teacher was, thinking that my mom is actually interested, she tells me that she was thinking about getting some depression medication for me, and told me that it's not normal to get so upset over things. And I was wondering, is this extreme empathy a personality thing, or is really abnormal? Do any other INFPs have problems with depression? I don't really think of myself as depressed... I do get depressed every now and then, but I'm generally a pretty happy person. It just seems like it's who I am. Things affect me really deeply, but that's just how I am. Ugh. Any thoughts?

That's not depression. If you were truly depressed you wouldn't have it in you to feel 'upset' -- you'd feel kinda dead inside and you wouldn't be very emotive unless it were to cry. Or stuck in a miasma of bad feelings. (Okay this is a very stereotypical description of 'depression' but just saying)

OP, the example you gave by itself doesn't point to depression IMHO. Maybe your mom is just concerned in general?

How old are you btw? 'Cause teenagers in general have hormones running wild through your bodies and it makes you all moody and stuff. ;)

I agree that INFPs have a tendency towards depressed 'symptoms' but it doesn't necessarily mean you are depressed in the conventional or clinical sense. It's a lot of 'processing', apparently regardless of how healthy or well developed all your functions are.

Empathy is not a symptom of depression.
 

hopeseed

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Jan 13, 2009
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INF~
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So I was talking to my mom about this terrible teacher I have, and how he was yelling at this girl and it really upset me. And after I get done explaining how terrible the teacher was, thinking that my mom is actually interested, she tells me that she was thinking about getting some depression medication for me, and told me that it's not normal to get so upset over things. And I was wondering, is this extreme empathy a personality thing, or is really abnormal? Do any other INFPs have problems with depression? I don't really think of myself as depressed... I do get depressed every now and then, but I'm generally a pretty happy person. It just seems like it's who I am. Things affect me really deeply, but that's just how I am. Ugh. Any thoughts?

I'm sorry to hear that. Your mom just does not understand you because she thinks differently. Yes I think a lot of it is personality. To you she may seem really distant or out of touch, but that's just how she is; and to her you may seem overly sensitive. But you’re not. You feel things deeply and that is NOT a dysfunction. You do not need medication for your empathy, however many people may suggest it to you. I suggest you talk to as many different people as you can to get perspective, like you already are by posting here. I don't think it is uncommon for INFP's to be misunderstood in this way. You're a great person, good luck :hug:
 

ragashree

Reason vs Being
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And after I get done explaining how terrible the teacher was, thinking that my mom is actually interested 1, she tells me that she was thinking about getting some depression medication for me, 2, 3 and told me that it's not normal to get so upset over things 1,2,4

I don't know about you, but your mother's reactions betray in her:

1) A complete lack of empathy.
2) Denial/repression of negative emotions in self.
3) Controling of others, tries to deal with emotional challenges by taking direct practical action to eliminate them.
4) A highly externalised valuing process, driven by superego/self-concept, call it what you will - references her mistaken perception of what is socially valid behaviour to an imaginary norm which more likely has its roots in what she expects/has been taught to expect of herself.

She comes accross as being a not particularly rounded or well developed -STJ, certainly --TJ type on the basis of this conversation, and this is a type that INFPs may be expected to have difficulty relating to in general due to their very different cognitive styles. It also sounds as though she has the potential to be quite an overbearing personality, at least to you, and that this is affecting your confidence enough that you are questioning your own perceptions and the validity of your own judgements. I think having different personal values to those around you is indeed entirely normal for an INFP - it's a function of their dominant Fi process which is highly subjective and does not look to others for validation. Most INFPs will spend time during their lives being troubled by the conflict between what they feel and what those around them appear to be feeling.

It does not help that denial or repression of difficult feelings is not really an option for INFPs who are constantly aware of them, or that their typically high degree of empathy and idealism *hey, they're not called "idealists" for nothing!* makes it diffcult for them to cope emotionally when they are in conflict with someone who does not share their personal values, particularly when that person is someone they care about. You can't help the way you feel about things, but you can choose how you deal with them, and on this evidence your mother is probably not a particularly good person to turn to to look for emotional support when something is bothering you. Her qualification in psychology is not something that gives her understanding of your emotional state any more credence when she is already demonstrating a lack of empathy and insight into the human condition. I would personally recommend:

1) Trying to find someone else who can provide the non-judgemental listening and empathy that you appear to be craving. If this is her typical reaction I don't think you will get it from her.
2) Developing your own confidence and assertiveness skills, especially when dealing with her. It sounds like if you come across as vulnerable or weak she will take a highly parental role and try to impose herself on you in the belief that she knows better.
3) Try to spend more time talking with people who are more open minded, less judgemental, and have greater insight into the human condition. Perhaps you might find some on here!
 
G

Glycerine

Guest
So I was talking to my mom about this terrible teacher I have, and how he was yelling at this girl and it really upset me. And after I get done explaining how terrible the teacher was, thinking that my mom is actually interested, she tells me that she was thinking about getting some depression medication for me, and told me that it's not normal to get so upset over things. And I was wondering, is this extreme empathy a personality thing, or is really abnormal? Do any other INFPs have problems with depression? I don't really think of myself as depressed... I do get depressed every now and then, but I'm generally a pretty happy person. It just seems like it's who I am. Things affect me really deeply, but that's just how I am. Ugh. Any thoughts?

There seriously is nothing wrong with you based on that one instance. You just sound like you are an extremely empathetic person. What your mom said sounded a bit insensitive and it was a clash between how different. I believe that NF probably are more prone to having depression.
 

Mondo

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I don't think this is a sign of depression and I don't think it's even necessarily an INFP thing- especially if the girl who was yelled at by the teacher didn't deserve any form of punishment.
 

GinKuusouka

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Oct 26, 2008
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You know what? This is my own opinion and you don't have to take it if you don't want to. I don't know you that well. However, I would suggest staying away from the medication. From the little I saw there, I wouldn't think you would need it. But that's for a doctor to decide. If you don't want the medicine, don't go on it. You feel what you feel. And, unless you have extreme difficulty with those emotions such as lashing out at anybody or hurting yourself, I would say you're fine as you are. Too many people depend on medication to keep themselves serene. A part of life is being able to feel. If you drug yourself up so you can't, then you're missing out on some great and powerful parts of life. Personally, I wouldn't want to be a zombie. I'm sorry that you're mother seemed so insensitive towards your feelings. Just be who you are, know where you stand, and go from there. That's about all anyone can do.
 
Joined
Jul 3, 2008
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Yes, whatever you do, don't take medication. It will turn your head into a 24/7 micr0wave oven. Beep you beep are beep normal beep!
 

heart

heart on fire
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May 19, 2007
Messages
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Maybe your mom was having a bad day herself, stressed to her limit (sounds like she is thinker so feeling would be very draining to her at that time) and she just didn't have the resources to deal with your needs at the time you needed her. So she made a snap comment she may already have forgotten and wasn't that serious about.

EDIT: This in no way is meant to deny your valid feelings or make excuses for other's behaviors. My only intent is to say that maybe it was just a snap remark based on her own mood and that she isn't all that serious about the whole issue of you having depression or needing meds. I've had to deal with thinkers in my life who made odd comments in response to me too. :hug:
 
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