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  1. #21
    Reason vs Being ragashree's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by heart View Post
    Maybe your mom was having a bad day herself, stressed to her limit (sounds like she is thinker so feeling would be very draining to her at that time) and she just didn't have the resources to deal with your needs at the time you needed her. So she made a snap comment she may already have forgotten and wasn't that serious about.
    Maybe, it's quite possible. But you are giving the impression that you are actually justifying her behaviour here *maybe identifying with her as a mother yourself?*. I really don't think that a feasible explanation of WHY her mother might speak to her like this should be allowed to distract from the very real hurt and undermining of self-belief it can actually cause. There's a good discussion here http://www.typologycentral.com/forum...ehaviours.html on the problems with justifying someone else's poor behaviour, so I won't repeat it too far in this thread. Forgiving them for it is another matter: but when someone is on the recieving end of this kind of devaluing treatment, their first responsibility is to take steps to protect themselves. Feeling sorry for someone who is treating you poorly is not the way to bolster your own self esteem, or to push them into giving you better treatment, regardless of whether they are actually intending to hurt you or not. This is the sort of reasoning that can lead to someone turning themselves into a victim, and I really wouldn't recommend it.

    Superkumquat would know better than anyone else how much her mother makes a habit of this sort of thing, and having underlined the issues which her mother may be bringing to the table in this instance, I would hope that she is able to decide for herself how much of a problem it is at other times.
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  2. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by superkumquat View Post
    Things affect me really deeply, but that's just how I am. Ugh. Any thoughts?
    I'm not trying to be humourous here, but if things affect you really deeply, & she thinks you need medication, then I wonder how much that says about her mental status XD

    "OMG YOU'RE SAD SAD SAD WE CAN'T HAVE THAT! HAAAPPY PILL! HAAAAPPPPPYY!"

    I myself suffer(ed) from the same type've thing, only..I think I shared compassion too much with some of the folks I talked to/related with the hobos on the street sleeping in our bowel-matters & freezing to death nearly every night, along with the people who would KILL to have the non-stressful unlived unexciting life I do..that I just went numb, because it was too overbearing to care about THE UNIVERSE (not saying I did, but tis what the image appeared as).

    You don't seem that very different from the deep-down INFP cores; we ARE the Idealists & Healers, afterall. Seeing someone trembling & horribly beaten offends something in us greatly where it destroys our visions of reality & the way things are meant to be (in our perception; seriously, does it ever seem like "the way" things should be are THERE in full-view yet you know it'd be difficult to convince anyone of a different type/zodiac sign to see your views completely?), & the Healing, well, it's Healing.

    I'd ask your mom if she could be more supportive & encouraging of your sensitive urge to people's relations & emotions. Tis a rare gift, especially concerning strangers. Maybe the girl in the class deserved being yelled at? Maybe the teacher asked her repeatedly to do some assignment & she hadn't? What exactly happened that she'd be yelled at for?

    Also take into consideration of your zodiac sign, if you're an Aquarius or a Water sign IN ADDITION to being an INFP, well then; you're extremely sensitive by default as a person.


    *wonders if that was an adequate insight for a first post on a new forum*

  3. #23
    almost nekkid scantilyclad's Avatar
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    It sounds to me like you are just passionate. That is not depression and I'm fairly sure it is mostly normal.
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  4. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by ragashree View Post
    Maybe, it's quite possible. But you are giving the impression that you are actually justifying her behaviour here
    No, you're assuming. I had a thinker father and have a thinker sister. I know how they act when they are at low ebb, they overreact to feeling. It overloads them, short circuits them. They make snappish, quick statements without thinking it through.

    Did I say in my response that this was absolutely what was going on with the mother in the OP? I don't recall that I did.

    Explainations aren't justifcations except for bleeding hearts.

    really don't think that a feasible explanation of WHY her mother might speak to her like this should be allowed to distract from the very real hurt and undermining of self-belief it can actually cause. There's a good discussion here http://www.typologycentral.com/forum...ehaviours.html on the problems with justifying someone else's poor behaviour, so I won't repeat it too far in this thread. Forgiving them for it is another matter: but when someone is on the recieving end of this kind of devaluing treatment, their first responsibility is to take steps to protect themselves. Feeling sorry for someone who is treating you poorly is not the way to bolster your own self esteem, or to push them into giving you better treatment, regardless of whether they are actually intending to hurt you or not. This is the sort of reasoning that can lead to someone turning themselves into a victim, and I really wouldn't recommend it.

    Superkumquat would know better than anyone else how much her mother makes a habit of this sort of thing, and having underlined the issues which her mother may be bringing to the table in this instance, I would hope that she is able to decide for herself how much of a problem it is at other times
    Good grief you really, really don't know me as a poster if you think I was justifying the woman's behavior or suggesting that the OP feel sorry for the other person. I am not a freaking bleeding heart who has to either bleed for someone else or totally demonize them to escape bleeding for them.

    For my own sanity I had to recognize the limits of thinkers in my life and one of those limits was that when they were at low ebb they reacted badly to emotion and feeling. How the hell is that making an excuse or justification for their behavior? It isn't. All it is doing is like when the UV is at full bore outside, wear sunscreen. It's wasn't meant to be about who is right or wrong, it is just about what is. (or could be)

  5. #25
    Reason vs Being ragashree's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by heart View Post

    Did I say in my response that this was absolutely what was going on with the mother in the OP? I don't recall that I did.

    Explainations aren't justifcations except for bleeding hearts.

    Good grief you really, really don't know me as a poster if you think I was justifying the woman's behavior or suggesting that the OP feel sorry for the other person. I am not a freaking bleeding heart who has to either bleed for someone else or totally demonize them tio escape bleeding for them.
    Sometimes INFPs can get a bit defensive too, Heart. And miss the facts a bit when they're being so! I made no absolute statements; I was working from what I actually saw, however, and trying to make sense of it. If you don't mind me being pedantic I will happily rephrase my original statement to say that I was getting that impression from what you said, and I don't think it would be a difficult one for someone else to get either, which is why I responded as I did. Unless you say why you actually made that post *which you still haven't* I honestly have no better ideas on why you posted what you did. I didn't call you a "freaking bleeding heart either", even if your screenname suggests that you're some sort of heart, so I'm not quite sure why you feel the need to tell me twice that you're NOT one!

    No, I haven't seen enough of your posts to know you as a poster. But I wouldn't want that to affect my judgement too far even if I did. I am not in a position to analyse your intent. But given that your post came across in that way to me, and that there are likely to be a lot of people with less life experience than either of us reading the thread, including I would guess the opening poster, I felt that my response was very necessary at that stage.

    I had a thinker father and have a thinker sister. I know how they act when they are at low ebb, they overreact to feeling. It overloads them, short circuits them. They make snappish, quick statements without thinking it through.
    I have five "thinker" older siblings, so I am well aware of this tendency! But what's your point in making it? Any more than the previous post? It seems pointless to argue about this unless there is some solid reason for disagreement, which I really don't think going by what you've said that there needs to be It might help me to know where you are actually coming from here...
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  6. #26
    Was E.laur Laurie's Avatar
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    What's up with the whole pulling apart one short encouraging post? I don't think you are helping anyone ragashree.

    It's not bad to give an alternate idea for something.

  7. #27
    Reason vs Being ragashree's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Elaur View Post
    What's up with the whole pulling apart one short encouraging post? I don't think you are helping anyone ragashree.

    It's not bad to give an alternate idea for something.
    Seriously, was that purely rhetorical or did you really want an answer? Or did you just not bother to read my last post?
    Look into my avatar. Look deep into my avatar...

  8. #28
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    Quote Originally Posted by ragashree View Post
    I felt that my response was very necessary at that stage.
    Oh my, savior to the world. Thank goodness you've arrived here.

  9. #29
    half-nut member briochick's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by superkumquat View Post
    So I was talking to my mom about this terrible teacher I have, and how he was yelling at this girl and it really upset me. And after I get done explaining how terrible the teacher was, thinking that my mom is actually interested, she tells me that she was thinking about getting some depression medication for me, and told me that it's not normal to get so upset over things. And I was wondering, is this extreme empathy a personality thing, or is really abnormal? Do any other INFPs have problems with depression?
    Honestly, I have no clue. They say that INFPs feel deeply. I do and I usually empathise to the point that it feels like I'm feeling the other's emotions. I can be very happy or devistated. All I feel is almost overwhelming in its intensity. It's always been that way. That being said, I do have anxiety and depression appart from that. *That* being said I might not have those if I hadn't grown up hearing that all intense emotions were bad and there was something wrong with me and the best I could do was try and keep people from finding out. I went to a therapist who thought I had ERD, but I'm beginning to wonder if all along I've been a lot more Ok for who I am than I thought. Still, I do take a depression med, not because it actually makes me not depressed but it dulls all my emotions down to a level that's not usually overwhelming, because the world isn't tollerant of people who get overwhelmed.

    That's on infps opinion.
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  10. #30
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    "They dislike to see mistakes repeated. Consequently, ESTJ parents may have a difficult time with their children who have Intuitive or Perceiving preferences. They are extremely practical, and have no understanding or value for the creative imaginations of highly Intuitive children. They will also have little patience with the unstructured, "go with the flow" attitude of their Perceiving children. This impatience with other types is a potential downfall for the ESTJ which may manifest itself in an ugly way if the rift occurs with their own children. The ESTJ should remember that what is right for them is not necessarily right for their children."

    ESTJ Relationships

    I thought this was appropriate

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