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  1. #11
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    It would be awful for me to have to talk to someone about what I'm feeling all the time. In that respect I can see how it would be hard for an enfp if they didn't have anyone to talk to.

  2. #12
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    You don't have to do anything about it. If you have your other functions developed you can deal with these obstacles in your psyche just fine. Si and Te help a lot.
    () 9w8-3w4-7w6 tritype.

    sCueI (primary Inquisition)

  3. #13
    RETIRED CzeCze's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by superkumquat View Post
    So I was talking to my mom about this terrible teacher I have, and how he was yelling at this girl and it really upset me. And after I get done explaining how terrible the teacher was, thinking that my mom is actually interested, she tells me that she was thinking about getting some depression medication for me, and told me that it's not normal to get so upset over things. And I was wondering, is this extreme empathy a personality thing, or is really abnormal? Do any other INFPs have problems with depression? I don't really think of myself as depressed... I do get depressed every now and then, but I'm generally a pretty happy person. It just seems like it's who I am. Things affect me really deeply, but that's just how I am. Ugh. Any thoughts?
    That's not depression. If you were truly depressed you wouldn't have it in you to feel 'upset' -- you'd feel kinda dead inside and you wouldn't be very emotive unless it were to cry. Or stuck in a miasma of bad feelings. (Okay this is a very stereotypical description of 'depression' but just saying)

    OP, the example you gave by itself doesn't point to depression IMHO. Maybe your mom is just concerned in general?

    How old are you btw? 'Cause teenagers in general have hormones running wild through your bodies and it makes you all moody and stuff.

    I agree that INFPs have a tendency towards depressed 'symptoms' but it doesn't necessarily mean you are depressed in the conventional or clinical sense. It's a lot of 'processing', apparently regardless of how healthy or well developed all your functions are.

    Empathy is not a symptom of depression.
    “If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.” ― Oscar Wilde

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  4. #14
    Member hopeseed's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by superkumquat View Post
    So I was talking to my mom about this terrible teacher I have, and how he was yelling at this girl and it really upset me. And after I get done explaining how terrible the teacher was, thinking that my mom is actually interested, she tells me that she was thinking about getting some depression medication for me, and told me that it's not normal to get so upset over things. And I was wondering, is this extreme empathy a personality thing, or is really abnormal? Do any other INFPs have problems with depression? I don't really think of myself as depressed... I do get depressed every now and then, but I'm generally a pretty happy person. It just seems like it's who I am. Things affect me really deeply, but that's just how I am. Ugh. Any thoughts?
    I'm sorry to hear that. Your mom just does not understand you because she thinks differently. Yes I think a lot of it is personality. To you she may seem really distant or out of touch, but that's just how she is; and to her you may seem overly sensitive. But youre not. You feel things deeply and that is NOT a dysfunction. You do not need medication for your empathy, however many people may suggest it to you. I suggest you talk to as many different people as you can to get perspective, like you already are by posting here. I don't think it is uncommon for INFP's to be misunderstood in this way. You're a great person, good luck
    Out beyond idea's of rightdoing and wrongdoing, there is a field, I'll meet you there. ~Rumi

  5. #15
    Reason vs Being ragashree's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by superkumquat View Post
    And after I get done explaining how terrible the teacher was, thinking that my mom is actually interested 1, she tells me that she was thinking about getting some depression medication for me, 2, 3 and told me that it's not normal to get so upset over things 1,2,4
    I don't know about you, but your mother's reactions betray in her:

    1) A complete lack of empathy.
    2) Denial/repression of negative emotions in self.
    3) Controling of others, tries to deal with emotional challenges by taking direct practical action to eliminate them.
    4) A highly externalised valuing process, driven by superego/self-concept, call it what you will - references her mistaken perception of what is socially valid behaviour to an imaginary norm which more likely has its roots in what she expects/has been taught to expect of herself.

    She comes accross as being a not particularly rounded or well developed -STJ, certainly --TJ type on the basis of this conversation, and this is a type that INFPs may be expected to have difficulty relating to in general due to their very different cognitive styles. It also sounds as though she has the potential to be quite an overbearing personality, at least to you, and that this is affecting your confidence enough that you are questioning your own perceptions and the validity of your own judgements. I think having different personal values to those around you is indeed entirely normal for an INFP - it's a function of their dominant Fi process which is highly subjective and does not look to others for validation. Most INFPs will spend time during their lives being troubled by the conflict between what they feel and what those around them appear to be feeling.

    It does not help that denial or repression of difficult feelings is not really an option for INFPs who are constantly aware of them, or that their typically high degree of empathy and idealism *hey, they're not called "idealists" for nothing!* makes it diffcult for them to cope emotionally when they are in conflict with someone who does not share their personal values, particularly when that person is someone they care about. You can't help the way you feel about things, but you can choose how you deal with them, and on this evidence your mother is probably not a particularly good person to turn to to look for emotional support when something is bothering you. Her qualification in psychology is not something that gives her understanding of your emotional state any more credence when she is already demonstrating a lack of empathy and insight into the human condition. I would personally recommend:

    1) Trying to find someone else who can provide the non-judgemental listening and empathy that you appear to be craving. If this is her typical reaction I don't think you will get it from her.
    2) Developing your own confidence and assertiveness skills, especially when dealing with her. It sounds like if you come across as vulnerable or weak she will take a highly parental role and try to impose herself on you in the belief that she knows better.
    3) Try to spend more time talking with people who are more open minded, less judgemental, and have greater insight into the human condition. Perhaps you might find some on here!
    Look into my avatar. Look deep into my avatar...

  6. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by superkumquat View Post
    So I was talking to my mom about this terrible teacher I have, and how he was yelling at this girl and it really upset me. And after I get done explaining how terrible the teacher was, thinking that my mom is actually interested, she tells me that she was thinking about getting some depression medication for me, and told me that it's not normal to get so upset over things. And I was wondering, is this extreme empathy a personality thing, or is really abnormal? Do any other INFPs have problems with depression? I don't really think of myself as depressed... I do get depressed every now and then, but I'm generally a pretty happy person. It just seems like it's who I am. Things affect me really deeply, but that's just how I am. Ugh. Any thoughts?
    There seriously is nothing wrong with you based on that one instance. You just sound like you are an extremely empathetic person. What your mom said sounded a bit insensitive and it was a clash between how different. I believe that NF probably are more prone to having depression.

  7. #17
    Welcome to Sunnyside Mondo's Avatar
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    I don't think this is a sign of depression and I don't think it's even necessarily an INFP thing- especially if the girl who was yelled at by the teacher didn't deserve any form of punishment.
    MBTI Type: iNTj
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  8. #18
    Senior Member GinKuusouka's Avatar
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    You know what? This is my own opinion and you don't have to take it if you don't want to. I don't know you that well. However, I would suggest staying away from the medication. From the little I saw there, I wouldn't think you would need it. But that's for a doctor to decide. If you don't want the medicine, don't go on it. You feel what you feel. And, unless you have extreme difficulty with those emotions such as lashing out at anybody or hurting yourself, I would say you're fine as you are. Too many people depend on medication to keep themselves serene. A part of life is being able to feel. If you drug yourself up so you can't, then you're missing out on some great and powerful parts of life. Personally, I wouldn't want to be a zombie. I'm sorry that you're mother seemed so insensitive towards your feelings. Just be who you are, know where you stand, and go from there. That's about all anyone can do.
    I have no idea who I am. All I can say is let's rock hard.

  9. #19
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    Yes, whatever you do, don't take medication. It will turn your head into a 24/7 micr0wave oven. Beep you beep are beep normal beep!

  10. #20
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    Maybe your mom was having a bad day herself, stressed to her limit (sounds like she is thinker so feeling would be very draining to her at that time) and she just didn't have the resources to deal with your needs at the time you needed her. So she made a snap comment she may already have forgotten and wasn't that serious about.

    EDIT: This in no way is meant to deny your valid feelings or make excuses for other's behaviors. My only intent is to say that maybe it was just a snap remark based on her own mood and that she isn't all that serious about the whole issue of you having depression or needing meds. I've had to deal with thinkers in my life who made odd comments in response to me too.

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