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  1. #31
    Senior Member alcea rosea's Avatar
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    How do you stay angry as an ENFP?

    I don't stay angry for long.
    I replace anger with evasive behavior, sometimes.

  2. #32
    Allergic to Mornings ergophobe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CzeCze View Post
    I've naturally started letting things go. It's the damnedest thing, after a while, it just doesn't worry or bother me as much. Or make me as angry.

    I don't even have to will myself to not be angry or tell myself to let it go - intellectually and ethically I may still know I have a right or that I was wronged - I just don't feel emotionally charged up about the issue/matter.
    This is true for me as well. It seems a natural process of prioritizing - whatever it is that we can let go just isn't that important in the large scheme of things. I value being able to get to that place of perspective. I'm taking it as a sign of emotional maturity - being more discerning about where to invest emotional energy. Also, I know I work really hard at getting closure or reaching a resolution first before getting to the point where letting go seems right. If most efforts fail, it's really quite wonderful to be able to let things go. It is more organic now than it used to be.

    OP -- I think the key is taking action against the object of your anger/hurt but not keeping the anger/hurt with you forever. The how needs more thought. I'll come back with thoughts on how when I can articulate them better.

  3. #33
    Senior Member Scott N Denver's Avatar
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    As an INFP I have a hard time staying angry with people, even when they 250% deserve it!!!

    I'll make up all sorts of thoughts like "I'm sure they didn't REALLY mean that" or "I'm sure they didn't mean it in THAT way" or "they were just in a bad mood, people get nasty sometimts when they are in bad moods, I can't hold that against them" or "well, MAYBE, if I just did ___ the whole situation would repair itself", and......

    I think its the Fi in overdrive trying to see good and noble intentions in others, even when those are totally not present

  4. #34
    Senior Member sculpting's Avatar
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    I forgive-and worse-FORGET far too quickly.

    I can forgive anybody of anything as long as they apologize and really mean it.
    We are endless optimists it seems and being able to see anything from any angle makes it hard not to see why someone may have screwed up.

    Until you step on the tertiary Te...
    For me I use Fi like a net over large groups of people. If you do something that threatens that large group, then I become ENTJ like in my willingness to go to battle and I will destroy you.

    Then I will forgive your ashes and put them in a pretty pot up on the mantle and think about all the good things you did.

    To maintain distance logic may be the best bet. Write down the reasons why you need to avoid the person, things you are angry about, and hang it on the fridge. Remind yourself of why the distance is important.

  5. #35
    Was E.laur Laurie's Avatar
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    I don't even remember who I was angry with when I started this thread.

  6. #36
    Diabolical Kasper's Avatar
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    Why would you want to stay angry at someone or hate them? Sounds like such a waste of energy. As long as you don't let people walk all over your boundaries being unable to stay angry is a good thing.

    If you allow people to treat you badly or like a doormat as others have suggested then get assertive, not emotionally reactive.

    Anger is such a wasted emotion, it often results in returned anger or at least lost trust and the other person is rarely as put out or anywhere near as affected as you are, the one whos angry is usually the one who suffers the most.

  7. #37
    Senior Member Moiety's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Trinity View Post
    Why would you want to stay angry at someone or hate them? Sounds like such a waste of energy. As long as you don't let people walk all over your boundaries being unable to stay angry is a good thing.

    If you allow people to treat you badly or like a doormat as others have suggested then get assertive, not emotionally reactive.

    Anger is such a wasted emotion, it often results in returned anger or at least lost trust and the other person is rarely as put out or anywhere near as affected as you are, the one whos angry is usually the one who suffers the most.
    Well agree. Words of wisdom.

  8. #38
    Senior Member Rachelinpa's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lady X View Post
    it's just like i'm constantly adjusting my perception of people...almost always accepting but adapt to new information..like to use kyuuei's example say someone steals something...i'll confront them...resolve it understand it and then redefine them as a person with x problem that can't be trusted with x...and so we'll never be close on any deep level but...i can accept them for who they are and relate to them in this new way...just more guarded i guess.

    Yeah, this makes sense to me. I think this is why I don't stay angry... cause while I adjust how I see them, I am able to accept them in a different way.

  9. #39
    Senior Member Nonsensical's Avatar
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    When I get angry with somone, I get pretty cold. I'll usually try to isolate myself from them, though..time seems to heal the fustration.

    It's funny, I kind of like being mad at someone, and I think to myself that I want to stay mad at this person for a while and not talk to them, but the next day I'll want to make up, and all of the anger will have deteriorated.

    I guess it's a good thing, I don't really hold grudges that way.
    Is it that by its indefiniteness it shadows forth the heartless voids and immensities of the universe, and thus stabs us from behind with the thought of annihilation, when beholding the white depths of the milky way?

  10. #40
    Senior Member seeker22's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BerberElla View Post
    Me too, but it's with 50% admiration and 50% disgust at how overly forgiving I am
    +1

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