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  1. #11
    lab rat extraordinaire CrystalViolet's Avatar
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    I'm broken, no-one comes to me for comfort. Oh wait sorry, that's dirty lie. I don't like comforting people, I do it badly, but people still like me to try.
    Do you guys have strangers come up to you and tell you their life story?
    Currently submerged under an avalanche of books and paper work. I may come back up for air from time to time.
    Real life awaits and she is a demanding mistress.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  2. #12
    Blah Orangey's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by FireyPheonix View Post
    I'm broken, no-one comes to me for comfort. Oh wait sorry, that's dirty lie. I don't like comforting people, I do it badly, but people still like me to try.
    Do you guys have strangers come up to you and tell you their life story?
    Hmmm...that's interesting. Why do you think that you're bad at comforting? Is it just because you feel awkward when you're doing it?

    I think I've seen this before. Some INFPs that I've known (only a couple) are outwardly very good at comforting...they just have this effortless tenderness that soothes people, even if they don't intend to be doing it for that reason. Any other type (especially Ts) both feel awkward AND behave awkwardly while attempting to comfort. This leads people to never come to them (read: me) for comfort again, or at least not very often.
    Artes, Scientia, Veritasiness

  3. #13
    heart on fire
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    Quote Originally Posted by FireyPheonix View Post
    Do you guys have strangers come up to you and tell you their life story?
    Yes, everyone tells me everything and there's a place in my brain that stores it all long term. I can remember the things I want and NEED to remember but I remember about someone I once worked with's cousin who grew up in a barn with five other kids etc.

  4. #14
    lab rat extraordinaire CrystalViolet's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Orangey View Post
    Hmmm...that's interesting. Why do you think that you're bad at comforting? Is it just because you feel awkward when you're doing it?

    I think I've seen this before. Some INFPs that I've known (only a couple) are outwardly very good at comforting...they just have this effortless tenderness that soothes people, even if they don't intend to be doing it for that reason. Any other type (especially Ts) both feel awkward AND behave awkwardly while attempting to comfort. This leads people to never come to them (read: me) for comfort again, or at least not very often.
    Orangey, I think that the above describes the process very well. I also tend not to like doing it because it sort of casts me in a mother-type role. Some thing I rather painfully aware of, having no kids.
    Currently submerged under an avalanche of books and paper work. I may come back up for air from time to time.
    Real life awaits and she is a demanding mistress.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  5. #15
    Senior Member Anja's Avatar
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    There truly is no "comfort" for deep emotional pain. It needs to be recognized and expressed for a person to grow/heal. I've become able to separate my emotions from those of others and so I can sit with people in pain without my own personal discomfort.

    I really believe that that is a gift. To bear witness to someone else's pain. And that's what I do. My gift to them.

    I now volunteer at a care center for the ailing, elderly and dying and have sat with many of those for whom sorrow has no end. They seem to appreciate it.

    But, in the day, when I was raising my own children, I had no idea where their feelings ended and mine begain. When they'd come to me for comfort I always felt that my efforts were so meager, feeble. And their pain was my pain. It never felt like I had done enough.

    Enough is being there and paying attention.

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    Yes, I don't know what it is, but people seem to sense something about me and zero right in. Everywhere. In the mall. In restaurants. Nearly anywhere. They open up and start telling me the most amazing things. And I listen.

    Oddest thing. Guess it's what I'm supposed to be doing.
    "No ray of sunshine is ever lost, but the green which it awakes into existence needs time to sprout, and it is not always granted to the sower to see the harvest. All work that is worth anything is done in faith." - Albert Schweitzer

  6. #16
    Senior Member r0wo1's Avatar
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    Loyal? Very. Fiercely so. But I tend to be loyal to a body, not a relationship. I might not speak to my sister but I'm still gonna want to rip out the throat of the guy that hurts her. Does that make sense?
    Perfectly, I think I attach myself in both ways, although Im sure that is different for everybody. Sometimes I will misjudge a situation and attempt to tear out somebody's throat for an unkind word to one of my "people" (or so I will call them ;P) even when their intent was not malicious. (Call it a poor J function I suppose :P)

    However I often find myself wondering if I should be understanding of how they do things, or if they should be understanding of how I do things? do I accept the lesser committment they are offering just because I better understand why they are different, or am I selling myself short and settling for something unsatisfying?
    Yes! Thats my question exactly! Or I wonder if "sincere" words are truely sincere. Its a very american thing to throw big words/phrases like "I love you", "You're the best!" around when they don't really mean a thing (something I've noticed during my time in Germany). I often wonder if there is real depth behind such words or if it is all superficial. And then I wonder if they are truely committing at all. tsk tsk, that sucks.

    Do you guys have strangers come up to you and tell you their life story?
    I thought I was the only one! (What an idiotic assumption now that I think about it) I've always found it bizarre. And its not just strangers, I seem to leak a crazy person pheromone because they tend to approach me too (on the street even) and attempt to talk my ear off. (but that is not altogether common)

    There truly is no "comfort" for deep emotional pain. It needs to be recognized and expressed for a person to grow/heal. I've become able to separate my emotions from those of others and so I can sit with people in pain without my own personal discomfort.
    That wouldn't be a bad thing to work on. I feel the drive to comfort others outside my circle (not always but not seldom either) and if I could learn to forget myself, figuratively speaking, maybe I could be a better help to those that need me.

    Thanks you guys your answers were great! Goodness I feel a bit whiney now though.
    r0wo1 the destroyer of threads has struck again...

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