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  1. #1
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    Default INFP and INFJ Friendship

    I have a very close INFJ friend. I look at her as a very logical, clean person who has very specific interests. She is a rock in my life, and she is an independent person who I admire for her ability to stand up for what she believes to be true. She is open to talking about herself with others and very mature; while she won't force her opinion down your throat, she will never apologize for who she is. I admire these strengths in her greatly and being around her makes me feel free and empowered to be myself.


    As an INFP, I sometimes think I bulldoze her emotionally when I talk to her. I can be very open with her, but I wonder if I wear on her with my overly sensitive ways. I just wish I knew. I also feel like while she contributes greatly to helping me (by listening to and accepting me), I cannot really offer her much except similar humor and outlooks on life.




    Does the INFP contribute much to this friendship? What can I work on to be a better friend for her or show her I care?

  2. #2
    Sniffles
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    Yes the INFP sensitivity can get on my nerves alot. However if she really likes you and enjoys your company, she'll tolerate it. Does she know much about MBTI and specifically about the nature of INFPs?

  3. #3
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    I've tried explaining MBTI to her, but I think she sees it as too generalized and vague, as in anyone could fit under any Type based on the descriptions.

  4. #4
    Sniffles
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    Well just be a little persistent on the topic. Sooner or later, you may spark her interest in the topic.

  5. #5
    Shaman BlackCat's Avatar
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    My best friend is an INFJ. It's pretty much amazing. I know what you mean by "bulldozing" emotionally, since I do this all the time. He always takes the time to help me and never says anything about it, because he can usually set me straight in a matter of minutes. However, with him helping me with this I would pretty much do anything for him, I self sacrifice for him all the time and help him with his emotional problems too.

    It really feels like a win-win relationship. We both have a lot of emotional problems, and he helps me with the "INFP mood" plus other random problems like love and I help him with his love life and other random things on his psyche. I am like his emotional spine, and he's pretty much my emotional spine too. We also both have a similar sense of humor, we both have the same hobbies and we hang out all the time. We are both very intuitive, especially about people. We both seem to accomplish the same thing but we both go about it in a very different fashion.

    The troubles mostly lie with our feelings on a few things. Sometimes I will get emotionally hurt by something and he will have no idea why. He never offends me hardly, and when he does he immediately catches it and fixes it, so it's always about something/someone else. When I do get hurt (which is often) he will over react to it because he can't figure out anything and all of the things he intuits are wrong about my mood. The key to fixing this is to tell him exactly why. Even then he will have no idea why I feel the way I do, and I will say "it's just one of those things." That's what we call it when I get offended for no reason about something, I have a decent amount of pet peeves. Then when he knows why he can intuit a way to make me feel better and it usually works.

    I share your feelings, I sometimes feel like I don't contribute anything to the relationship, and I feel the need to so I will self sacrifice. I always feel the need to help him with something because he always has no regrets about helping me. This I think tightens the knot between us, since he feels grateful for me doing totally unnecessary things to make him feel good. I do typically feel needed though, because I'm the one with the car.

    I actually asked him about what I contribute. He said "What kind of question is that? You're a good person in a world of bad people, just you being you is your contribution."
    () 9w8-3w4-7w6 tritype.

    sCueI (primary Inquisition)

  6. #6
    Glycerine
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mystical_Spaghetti View Post
    I have a very close INFJ friend. I look at her as a very logical, clean person who has very specific interests. She is a rock in my life, and she is an independent person who I admire for her ability to stand up for what she believes to be true. She is open to talking about herself with others and very mature; while she won't force her opinion down your throat, she will never apologize for who she is. I admire these strengths in her greatly and being around her makes me feel free and empowered to be myself.


    As an INFP, I sometimes think I bulldoze her emotionally when I talk to her. I can be very open with her, but I wonder if I wear on her with my overly sensitive ways. I just wish I knew. I also feel like while she contributes greatly to helping me (by listening to and accepting me), I cannot really offer her much except similar humor and outlooks on life.




    Does the INFP contribute much to this friendship? What can I work on to be a better friend for her or show her I care?
    Loyalty and trust are the only things needed.

  7. #7
    heart on fire
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    You give her tolerance and patience very likely. That's my guess. You may not see this however, but the world often gives Ni little patience or willingness to listen. INFP may be oversensitive or challegne Ni but it is willing to listen and accept the Ni, to give it time.

    With my INFJ one of the most stressful things is when under stress I need to be quiet and reserve my eneries to deal with things and he seems to need to chatter out every anxiety and worry nettling him and being Introverted he tends to only want to do this with me, so it can be a real overload for me and a disappoinment to him.

    He likes the Ne very much, makes him laugh etc. But it also gets too vague for him at times.

    But between us one of the best things is the sense of shared values. Your friend's comment about a good person in a world of bad people really rings true I think. This is the real glue in the INFP-INFJ relationship and allows them to overlook minor things. When the world feels hostile or alien, having someone to turn to who has a similar value system is simply priceless.

    INFP has to learn to be very open and frank about what upsets them because even then, it's no guarntee that the INFJ can understand. Making them read minds just makes it impossible.

  8. #8
    Glycerine
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    Quote Originally Posted by heart View Post
    You give her tolerance and patience very likely. That's my guess. You may not see this however, but the world often gives Ni little patience or willingness to listen. INFP may be oversensitive or challegne Ni but it is willing to listen and accept the Ni, to give it time.

    With my INFJ one of the most stressful things is when under stress I need to be quiet and reserve my eneries to deal with things and he seems to need to chatter out every anxiety and worry nettling him and being Introverted he tends to only want to do this with me, so it can be a real overload for me and a disappoinment to him.

    He likes the Ne very much, makes him laugh etc. But it also gets too vague for him at times.

    But between us one of the best things is the sense of shared values. Your friend's comment about a good person in a world of bad people really rings true I think. This is the real glue in the INFP-INFJ relationship and allows them to overlook minor things. When the world feels hostile or alien, having someone to turn to who has a similar value system is simply priceless.

    INFP has to learn to be very open and frank about what upsets them because even then, it's no guarntee that the INFJ can understand. Making them read minds just makes it impossible.
    Your answer takes the cake. I love to chat about my ideas produced by my Ni with INFPs and help them to solve problems.

  9. #9
    heart on fire
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    Every Ni should have its own Roman Calvary Choir.

  10. #10
    Shaman BlackCat's Avatar
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    INFJ-INFP is like the ultimate duo for problem solving. They shadow each other, giving the other much to learn.

    INFP: Fi Ne Si Te
    INFJ: Ni Fe Ti Se

    Me and my friend can come up with a solution for any problem usually. Our differences make every conversation interesting, I'm apparently the most random thinker he's ever encountered lol. When you are in one of those moments where two introverts hang out and there is silence so they can gather their thoughts this happens:

    I will randomly pipe in with the most random thing seemingly even though I was just thinking of it while he was busy examining the last conversation in his mind. It disarms him usually, but it makes him laugh always when I try to be funny about it and it kinda makes him go like "Huh?" when it isn't funny since it's random (Ne in use right there).

    Other times he will pipe in with some sort of observation or insight on the last thing we were talking about and I'll be amazed at how I would have never thought of that (Ni in use), then after that I'll say how it links to other things. It's like a never ending conversation usually with the two different intuition types at work, which is really cool. I never feel distant from my INFJ friend, with all my others I always run out of things to talk about but never with this guy.
    () 9w8-3w4-7w6 tritype.

    sCueI (primary Inquisition)

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