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  1. #21
    Senior Member SuperServal's Avatar
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    I love my INFP friends. I feel liberated when I am around them. It is almost like they act out my inner feelings. My inner self feels projected through them while they see their antics and their thoughts being appreciated. So we can have a lot of fun together. I think they are looking for someone that understands them and I am looking for someone to allow me to relax a bit and stop caring so much what other people think about me.
    9 wing 1

  2. #22
    jump sleuthiness's Avatar
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    I met a guy at a friend's house about a month ago. Quiet guy. Teaches guitar at school.

    I found out while driving up to this friend's house that he thought I was trying to get into his head the first time we'd met, and just our luck, he was inside going over a recording with my friend's boyfriend inside tonight. Paranoid guy, ha ha ha. Chuckle... anyway, I now know that he's infj, so I look forward to asking him more questions, and maybe discussing socionics. Maybe he feels weird about me because I don't lay myself out in the open for him to analyze. Who knows? Hopefully I can help expose him to some useful ideas this afternoon.

  3. #23
    Senior Member the state i am in's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Udog View Post
    Interesting. What don't you like about the way the friendship feels?
    they feel so self-contained. i don't feel valued in a particular enough way. difference is unimportant. they have no interest in getting to the core of me like i do them. their feelings ARE reality and nothing else matters. they are either tragic or healing, but they are 100% on their path and it seems like nothing will change that no matter what.

  4. #24
    Seriously Delirious Udog's Avatar
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    Wow, sorry to hear that State. It sounds like your experience with INFPs has been very stressful and very invalidating to your feelings and who you are.

    I'd venture to say those INFPs are not your friends, and you would be better off without them. S/he will only do you harm. Stressed out INFPs can do horrible things and think they are 100% justified. Afterall, we don't even need to pretend to be logical to justify our actions - our feelings and values are enough.

    they are either tragic or healing, but they are 100% on their path and it seems like nothing will change that no matter what.
    What path would you prefer them to take - especially the healing ones?

  5. #25
    Occasional Member Evan's Avatar
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    I have a very close INFP friend. We used to hook up a bunch 4 years ago, and the Fe vs. Fi thing was a huge source of drama/conflict -- but we were both super depressed, so it wasn't gonna be smooth regardless.

    But yeah, she lives across the country (in Maryland). We talk every few months, and it's actually really amazing -- we get right into the depth of our lives right away, no awkwardness or small talk or anything. I really love the girl; I think we'll be friends for our entire lives. She's really amazing; one of the top 5 smartest people I've ever met for sure, and such a great person -- she works with schizophrenics.

  6. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by the state i am in View Post
    they feel so self-contained. i don't feel valued in a particular enough way. difference is unimportant. they have no interest in getting to the core of me like i do them. their feelings ARE reality and nothing else matters. they are either tragic or healing, but they are 100% on their path and it seems like nothing will change that no matter what.
    How can we get to the INFJ core? I do agree with you. I often feel the INFJ will help the INFP to focus more on the INFP's needs, but the INFP can't really return the favor because they're already so all over the place that it's more difficult to stop for a second and focus on the INFJ.

    I think the INFJ can see very clearly all of the disastrous traffic in my head and freeze it instantly. But when I look towards the INFJ, I see a wall. Not in the sense that the INFJ puts up a wall against me, it's just that I lack the ability to truly see the thoughts going through the INFJ. I can only scratch the surface. They can tell me how they feel about something, what they're thinking, but I feel unable to help in someway beyond listening. I feel like I cannot share in those thoughts or feelings as much as I really want to do so, that I lack so much in that INFJ ability to connect to others.

    But I do really wish I could reach the INFJ "core" and better understand my friend, for she is truly one of the most honest and wonderful people I know.
    4w3 sx/sp? INFP, INFp

  7. #27
    Seriously Delirious Udog's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mystical_Spaghetti View Post
    How can we get to the INFJ core?
    Time. Patience. Acceptance. Time. Caring. Understanding. Humor. Time. Being able to solve a Rubik's cube in under 30 seconds.

  8. #28
    Shaman BlackCat's Avatar
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    What Udog said. I've gotten to the center and it's fine and dandy.
    () 9w8-3w4-7w6 tritype.

    sCueI (primary Inquisition)

  9. #29
    Member Split_Infinitive's Avatar
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    I have a wonderful INFP friend. We're very close and after several years still constantly surprised at what a great mix of similarities and differences we are. I find that with her I find a lot of understanding for a lot of things, but she also offers me a lot of fresh, novel insights for things that I have "thought myself into a corner about" for many years. She came into my life at a time of great change for me and helped me embrace my "F" after a lifetime of making myself believe I was an NT (Lots of NT pressure from my environment when I was growing up - be logical, be rational, don't be impulsive, think, think, THINK!), and I couldn't have done it without her. Her carefree, open minded, spiritual attitude gave me the confidence to become the F that I am and love it! She is a borderline INFP/INFJ, though, which I'm sure helps.

    I do have another INFP friend, but she isn't as solid and comfortable in her own self yet, and does take a lot from me emotionally without even realising it. The first friend I mentioned does that too in a way, but I don't mind it so much from her as I'm getting so much back!

    Most of my friends are INFP, ENFP, INTJ or ENTJ (with a stray ISTP in there too)... I've yet to meet a fellow INFJ!

    ETA: Oh, and hear hear to Udog about the acceptance and understanding thing. It is so important to not have to feel guilty for who you are, and just be allowed to be all of your oddball, woo-woo self without someone thinking you're an oddball, or actually loving that about you!

  10. #30
    Member LavaLucy's Avatar
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    This thread is making me feel all warm inside

    My best friend is INFP and I can relate to a lot of what is being said. She lightens me up when I get to serious or worried over something or shows me another angle that I couldn't find on my own. I like listening to her come to me with her with her worries and I like how she listens when I come to her.
    And where would I be without her craziness and imagination that leads to us writing stupid stories and making up silly things.

    I do think I get too much for her but she has an ENFJ who is crazy bossy and insistent so hopefully I'm not too bad. And sometimes she gets to me with lack of communication.

    (Love your Bret avatar Split_Infinitive!! Me and my INFP were totally trying to learn the Stay Cool dance that the Tough Brets do.)

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