User Tag List

123 Last

Results 1 to 10 of 49

  1. #1
    Senior Member Chris_in_Orbit's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    MBTI
    ESTJ
    Posts
    504

    Default Idealist relationships are disheartening

    I have a friend who I've become pretty close to lately. She tests as an ENFP (but I know for a fact that she is ENFJ.) She's been dating an ESFJ though I don't think his type is too important.

    Lately they've been having all sorts of problems... Since I hang out with them alot I, unfortunately, see alot of their ups and downs. I have to say that they were pretty good together at first. Now she is constantly getting frustrated with him for just about everything. She talks to him about all the problems their having, he'll act sorry for a while but really doesn't hear a word of it.

    I find it so interesting and sad that she goes through this. She loves him; it seems so pure from her end. Still, I can't help but notice that she is constantly getting her feelings hurt and nothing ever changes. I've seen this with NFs so often I almost think its a fatal flaw that comes with the temperament. Some people will do just about anything for love. Is this common in all NFs? Do you think it extends past significant others to your friends as well? Why the heck do you put yourselves in these situations?

  2. #2
    Te > Fi > Ni Shaula's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Enneagram
    4w5
    Posts
    608

    Default

    Good question.

    I have this ENFP friend who believes she can't fall out of love with anyone she's ever loved. She says she'll always have a peice of her heart for them even when they are long gone and have move on (which obviously hurts her emotionally). She dwells on her exs but fortunately after having many bad ones she has learned that it's not practical to stay in abusive relationships. I don't understand why she just can't move on emotionally. It seems unproductive and self-destructive.
    Is not to be held accuntable for peeling errors.

  3. #3
    Senior Member Alpha Prime's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    MBTI
    XXXX
    Enneagram
    XXXX
    Socionics
    XXXX
    Posts
    250

    Default

    NF's are known to put up with stuff that isn't worth two shit for them, for way too long.
    Hit like a heavyweight, breathe deep, meditate
    Make the whole crowd get loud, make 'em levitate
    I ride through my city like a presidential candidate
    L-A-X, Phantom double-R, and accelerate

  4. #4
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Enneagram
    9w1 sx/so
    Posts
    18,086

    Default

    it's hard for me to let go too. i pretty much want everyone i care about always in my life in some way...even if i almost never see them. i still want to feel close enough that i can call them and catch up sometimes. i just really care about people.

    and as far as staying in relationships too long. it comes from seeing hidden potential and understanding how they came to be the way they are and hoping they can live up to their potential...and wearing rose colored shades and being happy all the time, letting go of negative feelings easily, being good enough communicators for the both of you usually...but i find once i no longer love someone, i can let go easy...and if i've been hurt it's really easy...and i can be somewhat uncharacteristically cold about it.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  5. #5
    Member MoneyJungle's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    MBTI
    INFP
    Posts
    41

    Default

    I do this in pretty much every relationship. I commit too early and feel an obligation to make things work in spite of any circumstances that are difficult. I take the blame for everything that is wrong in a relationship.

    In regard to constantly hurt feelings, my feelings are constantly hurt on trips to the grocery store and walks in the park. I assume it is part of the territory in life and love and put up with too much heartbreak, as it is still better than the regret and failure of a broken romance (until its actually over for a while and I wonder what the Hell I was doing in hindsight).

    Why do I put myself in these situations? I see sad, lonely and broken people and want to bring happiness into their lives, thus making me feel good about myself.


    Quote Originally Posted by erinavery View Post
    it's hard for me to let go too. i pretty much want everyone i care about always in my life in some way...even if i almost never see them. i still want to feel close enough that i can call them and catch up sometimes. i just really care about people.
    I am the same way. Unresolved ugliness is something I will just dwell on.

  6. #6
    Senior Member Tiltyred's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    468 sx/sp
    Socionics
    EII None
    Posts
    4,383

    Default

    It feels like betrayal to "move on." I don't want to move on. I want eternal.

  7. #7
    Senior Member Chris_in_Orbit's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    MBTI
    ESTJ
    Posts
    504

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Shaula View Post
    Good question.

    I have this ENFP friend who believes she can't fall out of love with anyone she's ever loved. She says she'll always have a peice of her heart for them even when they are long gone and have move on (which obviously hurts her emotionally). She dwells on her exs but fortunately after having many bad ones she has learned that it's not practical to stay in abusive relationships. I don't understand why she just can't move on emotionally. It seems unproductive and self-destructive.
    I think you share my confusion when they stuff like that. "I'll always have a piece of my heart for them." That seems like a negative slope towards depression. Lets just hope your friend doesn't date so many people that she doesn't have anything left to give Shaula.

    Quote Originally Posted by Alpha Prime View Post
    NF's are known to put up with stuff that isn't worth two shit for them, for way too long.
    So it really does come down to temperament. I suspected it was all F's but SFs don't seem nearly as romantic.

    Quote Originally Posted by erinavery View Post
    it's hard for me to let go too. i pretty much want everyone i care about always in my life in some way...even if i almost never see them. i still want to feel close enough that i can call them and catch up sometimes. i just really care about people.

    and as far as staying in relationships too long. it comes from seeing hidden potential and understanding how they came to be the way they are and hoping they can live up to their potential...and wearing rose colored shades and being happy all the time, letting go of negative feelings easily, being good enough communicators for the both of you usually...but i find once i no longer love someone, i can let go easy...and if i've been hurt it's really easy...and i can be somewhat uncharacteristically cold about it.
    You sound just like my friend. Its like she can love so much more intensely than most people but ends up getting hurt much more easily and much more deeply. I've seen that strange coldness as well. I don't like it when I see it.

    Quote Originally Posted by MoneyJungle View Post
    I do this in pretty much every relationship. I commit too early and feel an obligation to make things work in spite of any circumstances that are difficult. I take the blame for everything that is wrong in a relationship.

    In regard to constantly hurt feelings, my feelings are constantly hurt on trips to the grocery store and walks in the park. I assume it is part of the territory in life and love and put up with too much heartbreak, as it is still better than the regret and failure of a broken romance (until its actually over for a while and I wonder what the Hell I was doing in hindsight).

    Why do I put myself in these situations? I see sad, lonely and broken people and want to bring happiness into their lives, thus making me feel good about myself.




    I am the same way. Unresolved ugliness is something I will just dwell on.
    I don't understand why you do that! A relationship isn't about always taking the blame. The only way that works is if both people in the relationship have that mindset (and I'm pretty sure that rarely happens.) Its like you're setting yourself up to get drained and shriveled up.

    Quote Originally Posted by Tiltyred View Post
    It feels like betrayal to "move on." I don't want to move on. I want eternal.
    Thats a little selfish.

  8. #8
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Enneagram
    9w1 sx/so
    Posts
    18,086

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Chris_in_Orbit View Post
    You sound just like my friend. Its like she can love so much more intensely than most people but ends up getting hurt much more easily and much more deeply. I've seen that strange coldness as well. I don't like it when I see it.

    yep...it feels that way, although of course i have no idea and that coldness is only after someone has shown you they don't deserve it from you anymore. it comes from being hurt and i guess it's a defense mechanism.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  9. #9
    Senior Member Chris_in_Orbit's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    MBTI
    ESTJ
    Posts
    504

    Default

    Why allow a person to get to that point? What does it take for them to get there?

  10. #10
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Enneagram
    9w1 sx/so
    Posts
    18,086

    Default

    what do you mean why allow them?

    i'm not going to get into actual personal experiences but basically anything that shows you they are not the person you thought they were so..you detach effortlessly once you realize the person you loved was an illusion.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

Similar Threads

  1. Replies: 8
    Last Post: 08-30-2015, 12:18 AM
  2. [Ne] Relationships are limits. Do you relate?
    By iris.moon in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 35
    Last Post: 11-26-2011, 02:09 AM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO