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  1. #21
    Senior Member Chris_in_Orbit's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by A Schnitzel View Post
    Some guys actually listen.

    It sounds like it's just a bad combo or the guy's an ass or both. I don't really know.
    I don't think the guy is a total ass. I mean I like him well enough. Though I have to say ESFJs really get on my last nerves with their doting-on-you-making-sure-everything-is-ok attitude. I apppreciate it every once and a while but I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself. ENFJs seem to have a watered down version of that...I realize I'm no longer even addressing Schnitzel particularly so I'll just end that here.

    Quote Originally Posted by erinavery View Post
    hey...what's this obsession with blame? i don't know i just don't care...there's compatible and non compatible...i don't think anyone is doing anything "wrong" by being who they are....not to say that striving for growth and balance isn't important but there's no "better" way to approach the relationship...it's not a competition.

    i happen to like that i see the good in people and feel i'd be a lot less happy if all i saw were everyone's faults.
    Its not about competition. If you're in a relationship, there is definitely a "right" way to go about it. I don't even know if you will agree with that, but thats ok. I don't think you should be looking at people's faults either. Just see them for who they are, faults included. You might be way more happy if those things don't nip you in the bud later. (what does "nip in the bud" even mean? Seriously.)

    Quote Originally Posted by Tiltyred View Post
    I think we just value relationship above all else. It's important not to trash something if there is any possibility of it being redeemable, because maintaining relationships is important in and of itself, an idea that overrides the particular relationship we happen to be in at the moment.
    True. If you trash something without taking it as far as it can go, you don't get your money's worth.

    Quote Originally Posted by Kalach View Post
    That's the theory, but I'm pretty sure there's another part of it too, namely people moving themselves to a suitable balance. Is there any type that doesn't have both thinking and feeling in the top four functions?

    If the deal with relationships is each partner is forever dragging the other partner back from their dominant+auxiliary ledge, that seems kinda... confining, at least.


    I also think--for the particular problem that originated this thread--J's together have a hard time communicating naturally, especially if their directive functions can't say things the other type can understand. Or if their directive function is pushing for something the other person's directive function doesn't accept. Si informed Fe and Ni informed Fe... you gotta hope there's grounds for understanding.


    And altruism? That's another thread, but I really don't want to rule out the possibility that it can be real. Sure, people are involved in their own decision-making--because if they weren't, they'd make no decisions at all--but, at the risk of being selfish, I believe there can be good decisions about good action.
    Js having a hard time communicating.. I can see that. Both of my friends have opinions about the way things should be. Its pretty obvious that neither of them are willing to budge without something exploding in their face.

  2. #22
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chris_in_Orbit View Post
    So it really does come down to temperament. I suspected it was all F's but SFs don't seem nearly as romantic.
    You're wrong.

  3. #23
    Senior Member Tiltyred's Avatar
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    "Nip in the bud" refers to gardening, when you nip (cut) the bud off of a plant to keep it from reproducing.

  4. #24
    Senior Member Chris_in_Orbit's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hmm View Post
    You're wrong.
    Don't just say it, show me.

  5. #25
    Senior Member Chris_in_Orbit's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tiltyred View Post
    "Nip in the bud" refers to gardening, when you nip (cut) the bud off of a plant to keep it from reproducing.
    Thanks.

  6. #26
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chris_in_Orbit View Post
    Don't just say it, show me.
    Show you? What do you mean?

    I'm not sure if you're suggesting that SFs don't ever love anyone or if SFs have a hard time letting go.

  7. #27
    Senior Member Chris_in_Orbit's Avatar
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    Well, it would probably be relevant to say I was going to say "naive" in place of romantic but assumed that would be offensive. I was saying SFs don't idealize relationships and people as much as NFs. If you disagree with that I need to know why. "Show me" meant: tell me why you disagree.

  8. #28
    WTF is this dude saying? A Schnitzel's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chris_in_Orbit View Post
    Don't just say it, show me.
    Quote Originally Posted by Hmm View Post
    Show you? What do you mean?

    I'm not sure if you're suggesting that SFs don't ever love anyone or if SFs have a hard time letting go.
    I think he was just trying to flirt with you.

  9. #29
    Minister of Propagandhi ajblaise's Avatar
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    SFs can be romantic, I'm not sure why someone would think they are less so than NFs.

  10. #30
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    well sure there's a right way...meaning come as you are and accept the other person as they are but...i meant that it's not a distinction made by the way a feeler approaches it verses the way a thinker does, which kind of seemed like what you were saying.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

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