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  1. #31
    nevermore lane777's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fill View Post
    The biggest compliment you can give to an INFJ is your time.

    It's a happy two-way street.
    To die would be an awfully big adventure - Peter Pan

    INFJ ~ 4w5 sp/sx ~ RLOAI ~ Inclusion e/w=1/0 (Melancholy Compulsive) Control: e/w=0/6 (Supine) Affection: e/w=4/0 (Phlegmatic Melancholy)

  2. #32
    half-nut member briochick's Avatar
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    Wow! This thread got long. Thank you all for your comments and stories and advice. I'm loving reading them. I'm actually out of contact with the INFJ now. She was a sweetheart and a good friend, even going so far as to insult someone who had insulted me but who I didn't feel I had the right to return the 'favor' to. That is, until I moved. Now nothing. If she is anything like my isfj mother she probably didn't take my leaving well (any comments on that theory are welcome). I'll try and contact her a few more times but if nothing comes of it I'll take it as a good experience and proof that INFJs can be lovely and go on. :p tis life I suppose.
    -Brio

    "I have never in my life envied a human being who led an easy life; I have envied a great many people who led difficult lives and led them well."
    -Teddy Roosevelt
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  3. #33

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    If she is anything like my isfj mother she probably didn't take my leaving well (any comments on that theory are welcome). I'll try and contact her a few more times but if nothing comes of it I'll take it as a good experience and proof that INFJs can be lovely and go on.
    Hmmm...interesting. Well I can think of three reasons for why she will have just dropped out of your life because of the move (which are all based on personal experience, so it could be none of them, too):

    1. She wasn't really that into being friends with you to begin with. I know this is a painful one, but it's certainly a possibility (given that I don't know the nature and strength of your relationship). In my life, it feels as if many people think we're better friends than I think that we are. It's not that we're NOT friends (or that I don't have warm feelings towards the person), but my definition of "good friends" is much, MUCH more complex/deep than other people's.

    2. She hasn't realised yet how much she likes you. Just recently, I realised just how much I liked a friend of mine. It was right before I moved away, which made this realisation very sad. I'm normally quite in touch with my feelings, but not necessarily aware of them (does that make ANY sense? haha). She might not be completely aware of how much she likes you...and she might never become aware of this, as sad as that sounds.

    3. She's moved on. It's pretty easy for an INFJ to move on. At least, that's been my experience. I've had some very good friendships over the years, but things like moving and our lives going different ways has separated us. I don't tend to dwell on the nostalgia so much (always looking towards the future! haha) so I don't tend to make an effort to keep up communication. If life has separated me from a friend, then that's what's meant to be. In fact, I usually don't like to keep old friendships (if we're in two totally different places now) because it just feels like holding on to something that's not there anymore. I don't like that. It isn't efficient or conducive to happiness (perhaps that's Ti talking, though). I will, however, keep the friendship if the other person always makes the initiative to call, keep in touch, etc. I do this more for the other person than myself. That is, unless I really like the other person and feel like the friendship could survive the test of time and distance.

    That's key: if I feel like the relationship CAN survive those things, I will be VERY loyal in maintaining it. However, that bring me to #4:

    4. When I feel that it's a relationship that can survive, it'll be hard for me to initially reach out. I guess I don't want the inconvenience the other person if they feel like they've moved on (physically and emotionally). If they take the time to send me the first communication, I will be reassured and will communicate back. If I get the "you need to move on" vibe at any time, though, I will shut it down. I don't want to assert myself on the other person if they aren't in the frame of mind to be asserted on. This is even more acutely true if it's a person who is far away from me in distance and time.

    Anyway, I hope this helps! My suggestion is initiate contact and see where it goes from there. Use your intuition to see if her response (if you get any) is of the #3 ("I'm continuing communication to make you feel good") or #4 ("I'm very loyal to making this work if you are") variety. Good luck!

    If not, you're right, that's life

  4. #34
    half-nut member briochick's Avatar
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    Thank you so much for such a thurough reply! I agree that it could be any of those three things. I certainly know that there are times where other people thought I was closer than I am, and INFJs are rather hard to read so I certainly *could* have misread. She gave me a card when I left that asked that I write, but perhaps it was just being nice. Moving on is rarely difficult for me. I tend to take the mind set that if it works than it was meant and if we grow apart than it wasn't meant to be, and I, too, tend not to hold onto many old friendships. Anyway, thank you again! Very insightful.
    -Brio

    "I have never in my life envied a human being who led an easy life; I have envied a great many people who led difficult lives and led them well."
    -Teddy Roosevelt
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  5. #35
    Senior Member LEGERdeMAIN's Avatar
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    2. She does not usually state directly what she likes or dislikes.


    I'm big on this. When people who I'm not very familiar with ask me how I feel about something I'll shrug my shoulders or say I don't know. I'll never offer an opinion on something that could possibly cause friction unless I believe that the person/people I'm speaking with will be willing to listen instead of debate with me or dismiss me.
    I normally don't offer an opinion or say anything that would cause "friction", either. At work, with extended family and complete strangers I tend to converse very indirectly and/or vaguely about any subject. The only time I do express my true opinion(which are usually highly controversial) is when I'm with people who are, what I would describe as, intellectual equals.......Or when I'm extremely intoxicated I'll regress to an ape-like state, arguing with anyone and often inciting the other party to mob violence. I have scars to prove it.

  6. #36
    Junior Member boughtmeawalkman's Avatar
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    I'm a hot mess. But basically, if I start talking to you, it probably means I like your company. And it doesn't take much to get me to start talking more, depending on who you are; by that I mean, if you start speaking on something philosophical, I'll probably instantly chime in as long as I feel like my opinion is welcome.

  7. #37
    Member NKC's Avatar
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    If an infj talks to you. They like you enough. If an infj goes out of their way to SEEK your company out. Then you know they must really like you. After 'like' is established, don't confuse aloof with them not liking you. They're thinking(recharging) etc. :p
    There'd be no method if there were no madness ...

  8. #38
    darkened dreams labyrinthine's Avatar
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    If I confide something personal, private, and vulnerable then I like the person. This is especially true if I confess something I don't like about myself, or even more private are problems I am having with a relationship with someone. The latter means I trust the person.

    My outward cues and body language can be more difficult to measure because if I really like someone alot I can act like a real stick in the mud.
    Step into my metaphysical room of mirrors.
    Fear of reality creates myopic morality
    So I guess it means there is trouble until the robins come
    (from Blue Velvet)

  9. #39
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
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    When I read the thread title just now I thought, well first off, we won't boycott it!
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

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