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  1. #21
    Badoom~ Skyward's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LadyJaye View Post
    My INFJ ex was this way - when I first met him, I took his detached demeanor as disinterest or boredom with others, but as we were around each other every day for months, I came to understand that he only seemed removed. Truthfully, he seemed to feel things very intensely, it was just hard to see sometimes. He appreciated the fact that I gave him his space and didn't get all up in his business all the time. I knew he would come to me when he wanted me. It was funny though, we could be standing around, talking about whatever, and suddenly, he would seize me and kiss me like he hadn't seen me in years. lol Never failed to surprise me.
    'Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and its better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.' - Marilyn Monroe

    This is who I am, escapist, paradise-seeker.
    -Nightwish

    Anthropology Major out of Hamline University. St. Paul, Minnesota.

  2. #22
    nevermore lane777's Avatar
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    The biggest compliment you can receive from INFJ's is our time.
    To die would be an awfully big adventure - Peter Pan

    INFJ ~ 4w5 sp/sx ~ RLOAI ~ Inclusion e/w=1/0 (Melancholy Compulsive) Control: e/w=0/6 (Supine) Affection: e/w=4/0 (Phlegmatic Melancholy)

  3. #23
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    Regarding her being sweet all the time - be very careful not to idealize. She will be sweet for a long time, but if you get closer to her, there will be a time when another side of her emerges and it will probably surprise you. Most INFJs like to be in control of their emotions and can reason themselves out of feeling upset a lot of the time. They also prefer to be happy and to be at peace with other people. They often appear to be quite strong and capable. However, if there are repeated frustrations, or a lot of stress in some other area, it's like that dike they have built up to deal with those things suddenly springs a leak and things may come gushing out. This only happens if they feel safe enough with you, so in a strange sort of way, it is a compliment. The appropriate response is generally listening receptively and giving a hug or some equivalent and it will pass fairly quickly. Ignoring it will prolong their frustration and increase it. You pass a huge test with them if you can come out the other side okay and talk about it.

    Also, if you ever run into troubles with an NF it is essential that you let them talk and listen to what they have to say. They need to talk to process things and talking gets rid of the majority of frustration they are feeling, as long as it is received without being dismissive or cutting them off. Sometimes too, there is a delay in processing things, so they may need to have more than one chance to talk, or to revisit something.

    What the others said about not cutting her off is important. Because INFJs are good listeners, are interested in people, and also are afraid of imposing themselves, you will not hear from them unless you listen and ask questions. While they may tolerate one-sided conversation for quite awhile, they do notice and it is seen as a slight rejection of them, which means you won't get to the next layer of their heart as quickly.

  4. #24
    nevermore lane777's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    What the others said about not cutting her off is important. Because INFJs are good listeners, are interested in people, and also are afraid of imposing themselves, you will not hear from them unless you listen and ask questions. While they may tolerate one-sided conversation for quite awhile, they do notice and it is seen as a slight rejection of them, which means you won't get to the next layer of their heart as quickly.
    +1
    To die would be an awfully big adventure - Peter Pan

    INFJ ~ 4w5 sp/sx ~ RLOAI ~ Inclusion e/w=1/0 (Melancholy Compulsive) Control: e/w=0/6 (Supine) Affection: e/w=4/0 (Phlegmatic Melancholy)

  5. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by Skyward View Post
    Yeah, the type that HAS to be doing something or feels stifled. I think she gets it from her parents because Ive talked to her sister (Who, I think, is an NFP o some kind) who is the opposite of a busybody, and her parents constantly bug her to quit being lazy. Their whole family is a bunch of great people, though it's hard to get a date with either of the girls when you have to be approved by the parents who one is rarely are able see. I'll be in Finland in a month and a half anyways, I guess.
    I thought you meant this definition

    busybody:a person who pries into or meddles in the affairs of others.

  6. #26
    Senior Member the state i am in's Avatar
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    if an infj wants to spend time privately with just you, he/she likes you. in the love languages it's all about quality time with us, it's either quality time or we would like to be alone having it with ourselves. we like to communicate and push and probe for deeper levels, new layers, different angles. trust takes a lot of effort, it helps slowly but surely pry us open for not just you but for all the world, and we appreciate it more than anything else.

    we love mindmates and people who we can converse with about our myriad of ideas. a random walk thru the mind. or a focused seminar or topics we care about. or a piece of art exploring a creative space. but for me personally, what i lack and require most socially and in relationships is just warmth. knowing, accepting, loving warmth. t-based infj relations are expressed more intermittently, more sparsely, the F flare-ups are less in frequency but still very strong and very loyal, committed, caring, compassionate, etc. T is stabilizing for us in a way that makes us more dutiful, logical, practical, and directive, whereas F is more inspiring and enthusizing and intensifying and romantic. we feed off of what others provide us with, what we are given, the languages of expression used by those closest to us. and the more our attention is directly focused on you, the more we are into you, care about you, want to know you better, commune with you, etc.

  7. #27
    "Everything in its place" fill's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by lane777 View Post
    The biggest compliment you can receive from INFJ's is our time.
    The biggest compliment you can give to an INFJ is your time.

    It's a happy two-way street.

  8. #28
    Senior Member Scarfism's Avatar
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    When I truly enjoy someone's company, I reach out to them. As well, I will have a lot to say and be very focused. A huge sign for me that I am not interested in someone's company is if I respond to their comments with "oh yeah?". It's as if I am trying to end the interaction. "Oh yeah?" means something along the lines of "Enough. Leave me alone."

  9. #29
    Senior Member Clonester's Avatar
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    I work very closely with an INFJ. He says outright that he enjoys talking to me and compliments my viewpoint on life. We can talk for a long time about hockey and politics. Conspiracy theories. He reads for fun. He probably reads several books per week on top of what he finds on the Internet. And not novels, but reference books and informative material.

  10. #30
    Junior Member lumikuu's Avatar
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    hm, i wish i was better at communicating interest. i stalk but silently. if they have a blog i'll comment them, or i might say something random to them on msn to spark convo, but i never directly make the first move. if i want someone to be generous with their time i want to be really sure they think i'm worth it. telling them outright would be putting too much pressure on myself to impress them and sustain the interest i'm demanding (ick, chores!). if it's a mutual interest which develops gradually and naturally, it'd be obvious enough for both of us and therefore easier to bring up. i never call or organise outings with friends either even though i'd be happy to come along or talk for hours if invited. sorry *hates everyone until loved/pursued*
    "attic in a basement with a knife serrated, i'll protect you!"
    ~architecture in helsinki

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