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  1. #1
    half-nut member briochick's Avatar
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    Default INFPs and flirting

    I don't know if there's another post specificaly like this but I looked and couldn't find one.

    Anway, I don't know about other infps but to say I have difficulty flirting would be a bit of an understatement. If I actually figure out that someone is flirting with me I get this great deer in the headlights look and I blush. The best I can usualy manage is a smile and a choked response. If someone touches me I'm frozen. Not out of fear or anything, just an inablity to really figure out what is happening and what to do about it. If they're not completely put out by this it may make my whole week. If they are I feel like a complete failure.

    When I like someone I listen, affirm, and drill them like an FBI job interview.

    How do other INFPs respond to flirting and how do they show their interest?
    Is it similar to mine? is it different? I'd love to know.
    -Brio

    "I have never in my life envied a human being who led an easy life; I have envied a great many people who led difficult lives and led them well."
    -Teddy Roosevelt
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  2. #2
    12 and a half weeks BerberElla's Avatar
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    I find it super easy to flirt online, but in real life I do sort of panic and hide away more often than not lol.

    Most of the time I'm not even aware a guy is interested because I don't expect it, and then when they start trying to flirt with me, heck even offer to buy me a drink I just walk away.

    If you're a guy and I know you, and we've hung out in a platonic capacity for 2 or 3 times then I find it as easy as I do online.
    Echo - "So are you trying to say she is Evil"

    DeWitt - "Something far worse, she's an Idealist"

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  3. #3
    Shaman BlackCat's Avatar
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    I think this may be different for the guys.

    I have trouble flirting period. I don't want someone to hate me or anything, so I'll try to be as non flirty as possible until I'm comfortable with the person. If I know that they like flirting and don't mind it... I am reaaally naughty then. Sometimes overboard. Once I am comfortable with someone I go in this cycle of being comfortable and then when I say something that I think was a bit overboard (even when they didn't think so) I will apologize profusely. It's funny, they NEVER think I go overboard on the flirting but I always think I do.

    I feel 100x more comfortable flirting online. I can decide what I want to say and hit the backspace button, in the real world sometimes things just kinda... come out of my mouth and I'm like "GOD why did I just say that" and feel embarrassed. Like telling someone I think they are pretty (after them having accepted me... not just random people lol), flirting just doesn't feel right to do unless I want to get serious with them or I am seriously attracted to them (which is very rare, the both of them).

    If you want to know my flirting methods I usually am honest about how I think the person is, I like to flatter people. Like "You are so beautiful" or *insert complement about a physical feature here* or I'll even complement how I think they are really smart and how I generally love their personality. What people sometimes don't realize is I whole heartedly mean everything I say, unless the sarcasm is obvious.

    It's a different story though when someone flirts with me. Like biochick said I get that "deer in the headlights" look. In my mind I'm thinking "WHAT?! This person actually... LIKES me?!" Flirting is the best way to mentally disarm me, I'm usually speechless for a little while while being absolutely amazed at the person. I'm used to being a doormat for people's problems and their relationship issues, I'm not used to getting any of the love back. I must say that feeling of being appreciated I get when someone does that is rare, but it's really good.
    () 9w8-3w4-7w6 tritype.

    sCueI (primary Inquisition)

  4. #4
    half-nut member briochick's Avatar
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    Lol, I think I can honestly say that I didn't mean to include online flirting in that question. I think nearly everyone (lol, minus a few intps, poor guys) are pretty good at flirting online. It's like doing it in a dream or a daydream and it lacks the reality that is the cogs in your mind trying to grind backwards and your heart pounding so loud hard you feel lightheaded. Online you can back space and you can hide that awkward laugh thing you do or any flinches or the gawking. No one sees.

    Right, that being said, thanks for your answers (I hope to get a few more).
    Black cat: feeling appreciated does feel really good, doesn't it?
    barberella: I wish I could find flirting easy in any capacity. I think you're lucky.
    Last edited by briochick; 02-05-2009 at 10:39 AM. Reason: bad spelling
    -Brio

    "I have never in my life envied a human being who led an easy life; I have envied a great many people who led difficult lives and led them well."
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  5. #5
    Shaman BlackCat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by briochick View Post
    Lol, I think I can honestly say that I didn't mean to include online flirting in that question. I think nearly everyone (lol, minus a few intps, poor guys) are pretty good at flirting online.
    Agreed... Online is where I get my flirting practice in. I feel pathetic at romantic stuff in the real world though... It's kinda sad lol. It's just this feeling I get that they will hate me for whatever reason if I say something out of line (I do this with friends too, I'm overly cautious).
    () 9w8-3w4-7w6 tritype.

    sCueI (primary Inquisition)

  6. #6
    Senior Member tibby's Avatar
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    When I like someone I listen, affirm, and drill them like an FBI job interview.
    sounds familiar...

  7. #7
    78% me Eruca's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by briochick View Post
    Lol, I think I can honestly say that I didn't mean to include online flirting in that question. I think nearly everyone (lol, minus a few intps, poor guys) are pretty good at flirting online. It's like doing it in a dream or a daydream and it lacks the reality that is the cogs in your mind trying to grind backwards and your heart pounding so loud hard you feel lightheaded. Online you can back space and you can hide that awkward laugh thing you do or any flinches or the gawking. No one sees.

    Right, that being said, thanks for your answers (I hope to get a few more).
    Black cat: feeling appreciated does feel really good, doesn't it?
    barberella: I wish I could find flirting easy in any capacity. I think you're lucky.
    INTPs can flirt online!

    I'd love to show you.
    I hope I'm wrong, but I believe that he is a fraud, and I think despite all of his rhetoric about being a champion of the working class, it will turn out to be hollow -- Bernie Sanders on Trump

  8. #8
    Senior Member The Outsider's Avatar
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    I can relate to what has been said on this thread. At times I really want to compliment someone I like, but don't have the guts for it. This problem doesn't really exist with friends though.
    When someone is trying to flirt with me, I'm just utterly thunderstruck.

  9. #9
    half-nut member briochick's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nancynobullets View Post
    INTPs can flirt online!

    I'd love to show you.
    Lol, I'm glad some of you can. Yay, good for you!
    hehe, and I'm up for flirting online. Just don't try it on me in rl or you'll get that deer-in-the-headlights look I was talking about.
    -Brio

    "I have never in my life envied a human being who led an easy life; I have envied a great many people who led difficult lives and led them well."
    -Teddy Roosevelt
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  10. #10
    it's a nuclear device antireconciler's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BlackCat View Post
    Online is where I get my flirting practice in.
    Ya ... that's kind of where I see how much I enjoy flirting. Irl, I feel like I have to look pretty much every girl in the eyes, and feel compelled to compliment them if I like them ... not because I would know what to do next 'cause I'm a dork like that, but it's kind of like I have to just because it's scary. If I don't do scary things life gets kind of boring ...

    Sometimes it has a really positive effect though!

    I might be too dense to recognize flirting. I had a dream once someone was flirting with me though and I was at a fast food restaurant and it was kind overwhelming like sticking your head out of the window of a car on the highway and facing the wind. All I could think to do was stuff my face with whatever I was eating. That's when it hit me that I like to have things in front of my face sometimes if I'm anxious because it makes me feel more protected ... kind of like someone who hides behind mom's dress and only peeks out from behind it when introduced to a stranger.

    I have had THOUGHTS that people have been trying to get my attention, but since it's hard for me to flirt, I assume it is for them to (wrongly), so I try to confront them (not smooth at all) to save them the difficulty. But I can remember things, so I remember that idealistic crusading means "WARNING! what you are about to do is stupid and unnecessary!!! Don't do it o my gosh1!!
    ~ a n t i r e c o n c i l e r
    What is death, dies.
    What is life, lives.

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