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[INFP] So is there an INFP DoorSlam?

heart

heart on fire
Joined
May 19, 2007
Messages
8,456
Is there? Discuss. :D

I have doorslammed after a lot of pain and trying to keep up boundaries with some people who just refused to listen to what I was trying to say.

One told me "I do what I want, when I want, that's just who I am. Why can't you just accept this about me?"

But most of the time, people like this pretend to not understand it becomes too draining to maintain the contact and I'll go.

So yeah, I've doorslammed.
 
Joined
Jul 3, 2008
Messages
1,858
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
54
Instinctual Variant
so/sp
Yeah. On several occasions last summer some kid kept calling me up just to buy him beer. We got along at work, so I didn't see any problem breaking the law a few times to save him from weekend boredom. The problem was that it became a one-way habit for him, so I stopped answering his calls. A few months after I stopped answering, I bumped into him at a drugstore, where he had just been hired as manager. Friendly nice-talk bs. "Give me a call sometime. We should hang out." Yeah, sure. See you in the next life, alligator.

He's an estj.

Wouldn't any logical person keep away?
 

MoneyJungle

New member
Joined
Feb 3, 2009
Messages
41
MBTI Type
INFP
I was on the receiving end of an INFP doorslam a couple of months ago (the door remains firmly shut). Not that it wasn't well deserved...
 

speculative

Feelin' FiNe
Joined
Jul 15, 2008
Messages
927
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4w5
"No soup for you!" :D

The INFP door-slam is officially sponsored and endorsed...
 

Anja

New member
Joined
May 2, 2008
Messages
2,967
MBTI Type
INFP
Yikes. I was notorious for the dramatic exit in the day.

I once quit a waitressing job at dinner time, in the middle of the restaurant. A customer wanted a double serving but only wanted to be charged for one. I told him I'd serve him a double and charge him for a double. He made a big fuss and the manager came out, asked him what the problem was and the guy said, "She wont serve me what I asked for."

My boss turned to me and, with the whole place watching, ordered, "Serve him what he wants."

I did my best prima donna, whipped off my apron, raised it above my head with a grand flourish and dashed it to the floor at the feet of my manager and announced in my best haughty voice, "No. YOU serve him what he wants." and sashayed out the door. To a roomful of applause, by the way! Heh.

I sucked as a waitress. Too high a moral standard. Everybody else always slipped him his freebie and got a generous tip.

But, man! You don't mess with my standards. Hee. Still think it was a banner moment for me. But I finally figured out that it probably was a better idea to learn how to be assertive. ;)
 

heart

heart on fire
Joined
May 19, 2007
Messages
8,456
I admit, I've never done a dramatic exit. Just tend to let the answering machine speak for me. :)
 

BlackCat

Shaman
Joined
Nov 19, 2008
Messages
7,038
MBTI Type
ESFP
Enneagram
9w8
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
I've doorslammed someone. I kinda feel bad about it.

My best friend is an INFJ. He is currently in a relationship with an ISTJ. They are very happy together. I am (or was) friends with the ISTJ.

I cannot tolerate emotional cheating. Saying you love someone else... That just doesn't work. I found out that she had been cheating on him for about a year... Boy I was steaming. I went on a rant about how we trusted her and about how pathetic it was. She somehow thought it would be good to ignore my friend and change gears to someone across the country. I said a lot of things I shouldn't have, but I don't regret it at all. I asked her how she could be so dumb and have the audacity to ignore my friend, who loved her and provided for her, compared to some failure across the country. She could never answer what the purpose was for her, it seemed to make her have a worse time. I pretty much said anyone who cheated was a despicable human being.

After I did all that (I said a lot more than that though) I blocked all communication. Removed her phone number from my phone, blocked all IM screen names, blocked her and removed her on myspace, removed her as a contact from email and blocked her. This was 5 months ago. It's sort of awkward when she is brought up around my friend, but thankfully he is one of the few human beings that fully understands me, so he is ok with it.
 

Thursday

Earth Exalted
Joined
Mar 14, 2008
Messages
3,960
MBTI Type
ENTJ
Enneagram
8w9
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx

Jeremy

New member
Joined
Dec 24, 2008
Messages
426
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
9w1
I'm very cautious in opening the door in the first place... if someone usually makes it in, I don't have to push them out. But I have had to do it before. I had someone get obsessed with me, and there was no way for me to tell her how I felt about the situation. I had to drop contact with her, because I could not say what I needed to say.
 

BerberElla

12 and a half weeks
Joined
Sep 25, 2008
Messages
2,725
MBTI Type
infp
There is a temporary doorslam with me, can last for years but the truth is I am very forgiving and can eventually (so far) forgive anything that made me doorslam you in the first place.

As long as the person is truly repentent and appears to have grown, changed and learnt from their past mistakes.

There are some who I doubt I could ever truly forgive, and they get the welded shut doorslam, but it's very rare that happens.
 

briochick

half-nut member
Joined
Dec 14, 2008
Messages
633
MBTI Type
eNFP
Enneagram
;)
Instinctual Variant
sx
There is a temporary doorslam with me, can last for years but the truth is I am very forgiving and can eventually (so far) forgive anything that made me doorslam you in the first place.

As long as the person is truly repentent and appears to have grown, changed and learnt from their past mistakes.

There are some who I doubt I could ever truly forgive, and they get the welded shut doorslam, but it's very rare that happens.

Just...ditto. Exactly. I'm usually a really forgiving person. I'll slam a door if it's really clear to me that the relationship is unhealthy (and sadly not even then if it's with my family). I can only think of two people who I was once close to but did a "welded" door slam with. The first I was willing to let into my life again after about 5 years but she wanted to pick up where we left off and obviously hadn't matured much so I closed the door again. The other, blocked him on everything, forgot his number, wouldn't answer calls from him. Yeah, that door is never gonna open again as long as I'm sane.

Usually what happens is that I'll close the door on someone for a while. Like, if the relationship is becoming unhealthy or if they're unbending in something that goes against my moral standard. It can last from a week to around a year, but I almost always come around again eventually. Bitterness takes a lot of effort to keep up!
 

Biaxident

Charting a course
Joined
Jan 10, 2009
Messages
3,617
MBTI Type
INFP
You bet your ass. I haven't talked to this relative in 10 years, and I don't really give a damn if they burst into flames, or are dying of cancer. I won't ever see or talk to them again if I have any say in it.
 

heart

heart on fire
Joined
May 19, 2007
Messages
8,456
I've let people back in years after the slam and had to go through the same stuff all over...even though at the begining we talked over the issues and agreed on changes.
 

scantilyclad

almost nekkid
Joined
Jul 31, 2007
Messages
2,106
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4w5
Instinctual Variant
so/sp
Yeah i've door slammed several times, but after awhile i tend to cautiously open the door back up.
 

Udog

Seriously Delirious
Joined
Aug 2, 2008
Messages
5,290
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INfp
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9w1
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sp/sx
Most definitely yes. It's extremely rare, and someone has to have wronged me consistently and deliberately several times... but once I shut someone out, they might as well be dead to me.
 

CrystalViolet

lab rat extraordinaire
Joined
Oct 24, 2008
Messages
2,152
MBTI Type
XNFP
Enneagram
5w4
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
Yes. A major door slam and the door has been concreted over too. Makes me a little heart sore though.
 

pure_sterling

New member
Joined
Nov 4, 2008
Messages
27
MBTI Type
INFP
One told me "I do what I want, when I want, that's just who I am. Why can't you just accept this about me?"

But most of the time, people like this pretend to not understand it becomes too draining to maintain the contact and I'll go
.

Yep, this happened to me just recently...as much as you want to communicate with them and sort out the problem if you feel you have to continue explaining the situation and their still not getting it you just have to cut your losses. The truth is that people don't have to accept others who are blatantly disregarding of the values, opinions and emotions of the people they say they care about.

Usually what happens is that I'll close the door on someone for a while. Like, if the relationship is becoming unhealthy or if they're unbending in something that goes against my moral standard.

I’m usually open to revaluating a relationship after a significant amount of time has past. Sometimes I have let them back in and the relationship was more strengthened than before, other times I realize that they are still exactly the same person they were and are capable of the same things as before and I keep them as acquaintances, friendly but at arms length.
 

kiddykat

movin melodies
Joined
Jul 27, 2008
Messages
1,111
MBTI Type
ENFP
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4, 7
Is there? Discuss. :D

I have doorslammed after a lot of pain and trying to keep up boundaries with some people who just refused to listen to what I was trying to say.

One told me "I do what I want, when I want, that's just who I am. Why can't you just accept this about me?"

But most of the time, people like this pretend to not understand it becomes too draining to maintain the contact and I'll go.

So yeah, I've doorslammed.
Hmm.. I get this way too. Maybe it's common for some of us?

When my boundaries get crossed, I door slam out of love, in hopes that the 'other' person starts to realize that in the moment that they acted out in such an abrasive way, they deserve their own treatment, so that they can learn, vice versa, which applies to ourselves?

As much as I want to sit there and 'talk it out.' Sometimes, 'talking it out,' doesn't resolve the issue, when the other person is out of the communication loop, and doesn't quite have time to realize their intentions aren't in alignment with ours. Even though we want what's best for both, they seem to be in a head space elsewhere? Perhaps, it helps us to re-examine if the people we did/do care for didn't/did at one point in time care for us? Depends on where we are at our lives, if we share similar values or not? If the basis of the relationship was on something superficial, then I would understand that *that* caring was probably reflective of the bond? If that is the case, then it helps me to put things into perspective a bit, and question both parties intentions.

For me, best solution is for us to go our own separate ways figure it out for ourselves in hopes that both of us are safe, and that everything will work out ok. Sometimes, tough love is the best kind of love, when done non-verbally.

I also forgive. I think people have their own ways of figuring out their own lives, hopefully, for the better? No matter what, I still think of the good times, so I don't forget that times we shared happened for a reason.
 
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