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  1. #11
    half-nut member briochick's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BerberElla View Post
    There is a temporary doorslam with me, can last for years but the truth is I am very forgiving and can eventually (so far) forgive anything that made me doorslam you in the first place.

    As long as the person is truly repentent and appears to have grown, changed and learnt from their past mistakes.

    There are some who I doubt I could ever truly forgive, and they get the welded shut doorslam, but it's very rare that happens.
    Just...ditto. Exactly. I'm usually a really forgiving person. I'll slam a door if it's really clear to me that the relationship is unhealthy (and sadly not even then if it's with my family). I can only think of two people who I was once close to but did a "welded" door slam with. The first I was willing to let into my life again after about 5 years but she wanted to pick up where we left off and obviously hadn't matured much so I closed the door again. The other, blocked him on everything, forgot his number, wouldn't answer calls from him. Yeah, that door is never gonna open again as long as I'm sane.

    Usually what happens is that I'll close the door on someone for a while. Like, if the relationship is becoming unhealthy or if they're unbending in something that goes against my moral standard. It can last from a week to around a year, but I almost always come around again eventually. Bitterness takes a lot of effort to keep up!
    -Brio

    "I have never in my life envied a human being who led an easy life; I have envied a great many people who led difficult lives and led them well."
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  2. #12
    Charting a course
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    You bet your ass. I haven't talked to this relative in 10 years, and I don't really give a damn if they burst into flames, or are dying of cancer. I won't ever see or talk to them again if I have any say in it.

  3. #13
    heart on fire
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    I've let people back in years after the slam and had to go through the same stuff all over...even though at the begining we talked over the issues and agreed on changes.

  4. #14
    almost nekkid scantilyclad's Avatar
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    Yeah i've door slammed several times, but after awhile i tend to cautiously open the door back up.
    INFP 4w5
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    The pain won't let me get away.

  5. #15
    Seriously Delirious Udog's Avatar
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    Most definitely yes. It's extremely rare, and someone has to have wronged me consistently and deliberately several times... but once I shut someone out, they might as well be dead to me.

  6. #16
    lab rat extraordinaire CrystalViolet's Avatar
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    Yes. A major door slam and the door has been concreted over too. Makes me a little heart sore though.
    Currently submerged under an avalanche of books and paper work. I may come back up for air from time to time.
    Real life awaits and she is a demanding mistress.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  7. #17
    heart on fire
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    Quote Originally Posted by FireyPheonix View Post
    Yes. A major door slam and the door has been concreted over too. Makes me a little heart sore though.
    Yes, that it does.

  8. #18
    Junior Member pure_sterling's Avatar
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    One told me "I do what I want, when I want, that's just who I am. Why can't you just accept this about me?"

    But most of the time, people like this pretend to not understand it becomes too draining to maintain the contact and I'll go
    .

    Yep, this happened to me just recently...as much as you want to communicate with them and sort out the problem if you feel you have to continue explaining the situation and their still not getting it you just have to cut your losses. The truth is that people don't have to accept others who are blatantly disregarding of the values, opinions and emotions of the people they say they care about.

    Usually what happens is that I'll close the door on someone for a while. Like, if the relationship is becoming unhealthy or if they're unbending in something that goes against my moral standard.

    Im usually open to revaluating a relationship after a significant amount of time has past. Sometimes I have let them back in and the relationship was more strengthened than before, other times I realize that they are still exactly the same person they were and are capable of the same things as before and I keep them as acquaintances, friendly but at arms length.

  9. #19
    Senior Member whimsical's Avatar
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    i think this is a major inf defense

  10. #20
    movin melodies kiddykat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by heart View Post
    Is there? Discuss.

    I have doorslammed after a lot of pain and trying to keep up boundaries with some people who just refused to listen to what I was trying to say.

    One told me "I do what I want, when I want, that's just who I am. Why can't you just accept this about me?"

    But most of the time, people like this pretend to not understand it becomes too draining to maintain the contact and I'll go.

    So yeah, I've doorslammed.
    Hmm.. I get this way too. Maybe it's common for some of us?

    When my boundaries get crossed, I door slam out of love, in hopes that the 'other' person starts to realize that in the moment that they acted out in such an abrasive way, they deserve their own treatment, so that they can learn, vice versa, which applies to ourselves?

    As much as I want to sit there and 'talk it out.' Sometimes, 'talking it out,' doesn't resolve the issue, when the other person is out of the communication loop, and doesn't quite have time to realize their intentions aren't in alignment with ours. Even though we want what's best for both, they seem to be in a head space elsewhere? Perhaps, it helps us to re-examine if the people we did/do care for didn't/did at one point in time care for us? Depends on where we are at our lives, if we share similar values or not? If the basis of the relationship was on something superficial, then I would understand that *that* caring was probably reflective of the bond? If that is the case, then it helps me to put things into perspective a bit, and question both parties intentions.

    For me, best solution is for us to go our own separate ways figure it out for ourselves in hopes that both of us are safe, and that everything will work out ok. Sometimes, tough love is the best kind of love, when done non-verbally.

    I also forgive. I think people have their own ways of figuring out their own lives, hopefully, for the better? No matter what, I still think of the good times, so I don't forget that times we shared happened for a reason.

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