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  1. #21
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    What did end up happening with this situation? I see the thread was started over a year ago and I'm curious how it turned out.

    I started busking when I was about 19 and didn't know what to do when I ran into people similar to the one you describe. They are not offensive enough to freak out at and be rude to, but they are strange enough that you regret having been as nice as you were. And then they realize they are skating on thin ice and apologize if you got the wrong idea and you feel like a chump, but then they keep pushing their luck. Sometimes they are just extremely socially awkward. More often than not though, they are more messed up than you would have thought and sometimes are even dangerous. Do not let it get to a point that you do not feel safe or comfortable!

    I have learned:

    1) Trust your what your gut is telling you whether or not you feel you have evidence to back it up.

    2) Make sure that other people in your life know who this person is and don't give out any more personal information. Think out ahead of time what you'll say if you are asked for more information than you wish to give.

    3) You can be pleasantly assertive. Something like when he says "I'll bet you you're the type of girl that..." etc you can just say, "I'm sorry, I don't give out personal details to people who are not close to me." When he ventures into any sexual harassment at work territory, say matter-of-factly that you don't expect to deal with any of that and should it be an issue, you are well equipped to take care of it. There should be a very clear message to him that those "testing the waters" topics are completely off limits. On the phone, you can arrange to be very busy and answer more shortly. Also make a point of explaining that he should not call you. If he protests that he didn't mean for you to get weirded out, you can pleasantly say, "I'm not, but I am very busy at work". Do not have time to chat after you get off the bus. Bring a book to read on the bus. Do the opposite of the things that make people feel welcome and listened to, and remain neutral and businesslike about it. People like that do not understand or accept f*** off even if you were to say it. Do not get drawn into a discussion of why you have backed off. Think ahead what you will say if asked.

  2. #22
    Senior Member chris1207's Avatar
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    I figured it out. He's trying to probe you (lol not literally) to find out if there's anything that's troubling you. If so, he wants to help. ENFJ's like being helpful. The reason he approached you in the first place is because you presented yourself as accessible. This guy basically doesn't get out enough and you should tell him that, I think it would help him. Tell him that you don't want his help and that it isn't his fault but that you value being independent (like an NT would.) That should remedy the situation. Unless of course he's gotten the message by now...

    I don't think he was trying to be an ass. Just wanted to drum up drama so he could fix it for you.

    I had to laugh at the comment that said that he had intentions of sleeping with you and he was probing you with information so he could swoop in like a hawk. I highly doubt that. I'm an ENFJ and know ENFJ's. So BBBBBBBLllllllllAAAAWWWWW!
    "... you think deeply about stuff [that] nobody cares about and hardly anybody can understand you." ~ Peguy talking about Ni users. So true.

  3. #23
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    Please tell me that you don't do this! It scares women, especially when you comment on looks, you are not in a date setting and we are not flirting. Immediate suspicion unless you manage to convince us you can see it only as an outside observer and not an interested party.

    While you are here, can you tell me why ENFJs seem so underrepresented in the Idyllic? Were they driven out, are they disinterested, is their E and J ness keeping them too busy in the big wide world? We want to probe you. (Well, not in [I]that[I] way either).

  4. #24
    Aspie Idealist TaylorS's Avatar
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    1. Could be a stalker

    2. Maybe he has a friend or relative that was a victim of sexual harassment or assault in the recent past. After my friend was raped I became worried about the safety of female friends and acquaintances, though my reserved nature kept me from looking creepy like this guy is, but, as Cris1207 said, he possibly "doesn't get out enough" and thus is acting creepy without meaning to.
    Autistic INFP


  5. #25
    Senior Member chris1207's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    Please tell me that you don't do this! It scares women, especially when you comment on looks, you are not in a date setting and we are not flirting. Immediate suspicion unless you manage to convince us you can see it only as an outside observer and not an interested party.

    While you are here, can you tell me why ENFJs seem so underrepresented in the Idyllic? Were they driven out, are they disinterested, is their E and J ness keeping them too busy in the big wide world? We want to probe you. (Well, not in [I]that[I] way either).
    I don't do anything. I would never comment on a woman's looks because I'm always worried they'll take it the wrong way. Women have enough body issues. Plus, I'm N meaning I don't really pay attention to that sort of thing. I flirt by acting like a jackass to entertain them a la Conan I'm just saying that I could tap into the whole thought process of an ENFJ. It took me a while (read the article 2 months ago or so) but Ni finally had an epiphany and I had to share.

    Also, that's kind of an asshole move to put my on the chopping block like that (had to read it again to let it sink in.) This isn't the inquisition lady. Like WTF! I'm only not erasing the rest of my post because I'm not like that.

    ENFJ's and ENTJ's don't care about an internet forum when they could get out and about and make a difference in the real world. I'm here because I've never really been all that social. I've always been afraid of being emotionally overbearing on others (my mom's an ESFJ and she's a monster.) So I pop in every once in a while between WoW and work and say hi.
    "... you think deeply about stuff [that] nobody cares about and hardly anybody can understand you." ~ Peguy talking about Ni users. So true.

  6. #26
    Senior Member stigmatica's Avatar
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    Hmm... I'm always getting into trouble along these lines. I truly am a "Nice" guy and all that, and often it gets taken as some kind of maneuver.. which annoys me to no end. I love to flirt (obviously), but it's all in fun, and I run like hell when someone starts to think otherwise... He isn't running. That's a bad sign.

    However.. based on the OP, this guy is not taking any hints, which indicates pure creepiness to me. Best to get away from this one, I think. And why does he want to talk about your relationships at work? That's not even flirting, IMO. That's getting too personal without invitation. I guess he could be a really slow nice guy, but I doubt it.

  7. #27
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    Dear chris1207 -

    I'm so sorry! I certainly never had the intention of making you look bad and I meant you as a collective group (ENFJ men), not you as in chris 1207. I found your post interesting and was wondering why there wasn't more that came from the ENFJ perspective. I didn't intend any offense, although rereading my post, I guess I can see how you may have felt that way. I hope there's no hard feelings,

    Fidelia

  8. #28
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    sounds like an nf to me, but not of my nature.

    He's hitting on you, just watch out.

    The Mind is in essence our soul.

  9. #29
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    Sounds like a weird, creepy stalker type gay guy..trying to force himself into..... your life.
    Break it off. Otherwise you'll wake up one morning with your ass hurting and a funny taste in your mouth.

  10. #30
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    This is bullshit. He's cracking on to you. He says he isn't so he's either lying to you or to himself. Either way, that doesn't give me a good feeling about your future together!

    Regardless of personality type, your desire not to offend him is your enemy.

    Even if you genuinely have something that he can genuinely hlep you with, the subtext is still "I will help you and then you will learn to value me and then you will show your appreciation by [insert sexual fantasy here]"

    If you're very lucky the sexual fantasy only involves other people seeing him on the bus with a hot girl (you).

    run away!

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