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  1. #11
    Senior Member Tiltyred's Avatar
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    He's a creep. He's projecting all kinds of weird shit onto you. Look -- learn how to say no. I know it's hard, it's near impossible -- he's being nice, after all ... he seems to just want to be your friend, after all ... but after all, you're confused about his motivation and nothing he does is clear to you. Are you relaxed and happy? Do you look forward to talking to him? No. Do you see what I mean? I think you should start practicing trusting your feelings. Like, don't let yourself be drawn into some weird relationship with some weird guy because you feel obligated because he is being "nice." He's being weird.

    What Udog said.

  2. #12
    Senior Member Wild horses's Avatar
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    Sounds like a stalker in the making ot me... or am I being ot harsh LOL Can't tell as I am a little paranoid these days too!! Not sure I mean why keep steering the conversation in that direction if he's not got sexual stuff on his mind when he's around you?!
    ... couldn't drag me away

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  3. #13
    Feelin' FiNe speculative's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by dee View Post
    but no, you got the situation all wrong, he doesn't work with me, he just decides to talk to me about my work environment and asks me stuff like do the men at work hit on you, or does your boss hit on you,etc
    He is asking you if you fool around outside your marriage, because he is interested in fooling around with you.

    He's a guy that lives in my neighborhood , and we get back from work on certain days at the same time and meet at the bus stop...
    Did you notice that you always arrived at the bus stop at the same time for a period of time before he started chatting you up? If not, he is adjusting his schedule to match yours. Mention that your schedule is changing, and see if he adjusts his schedule to match. Also, have a male friend from work accompany you home on the bus for a week and see if this person still acts the same way toward you.

    I just don't want to do the wrong thing and hurt his feelings especially if he really did just mean to help me.
    People choose their friends (and should) based on their personal needs, and the other person's personal needs. You do not hurt someone's feelings by choosing to not be their friend, unless you are outright rude to them in the process of letting them know this. If you drop hints and they don't take them, then you may need some outside help to really ditch this guy, such as having your husband ride the bus with you for a period of time, etc. (As a side note, some people are so dysfunctional that you can't ditch them. Then, you need some "acquaintances" to "take care of it" for you & you don't want to know how they do it but it will be taken care of. I was in a "What About Bob"-type situation in high school, and basically finally resorted to telling this guy to F-off because I thought he was weird and I didn't want to talk to him for about a week straight. Last I heard, after school, he ended up living under a bridge somewhere in Minnesota...)

    Can someone really care so much for a persons well being can someone really be so nice? I mean there are people like that, but why would he be so nice to me? I still don't know what to think.

    Thats whats weird is that hes calling me at work and stuff and asking me if things are ok ,if I need anything, stuff like that, then I will be nonchalant and friendly and the conversation lasts like a minute or two.

    Oh well still confused but yeah probably to be on the safe side, say I'm fine and that I don't need anything....
    Need more data. Without knowing the "situation" to which you refer, everything said in this thread is fairly pointless in reference to your specific situation, and only useful as a general hypothetical, including my post. Depending on the circumstances of this situation which you hinted at in passing, that changes everything.

    Oh and he didn't say to go to a party with him, he just made some totally out of the blue comment saying, how I would probably like to go party and let loose, like in connection that I work to much I guess, but he never said to go with him he just offered to drive me there and back?

    And I was like, no, I can't do that, I have work and studies and no time and I was just friendly about it as if that wasn't totally weird to tell me that he would offer to drive me somewhere (rather far) so that I should go party and go crazy... weird.
    Emphasis added. He wants to slip you a roofy (sp?) on the way home. We need a red flag smiley for threads like this...

    I don't know, some people are really hard to figure out.
    No, not really. You seem to have already figured him out. It is yourself you have not figured out yet. To me, the fact that you have not reacted to some very clear signals is an indication that you may be unclear as to what your needs are, or may be entertaining notions that you do not wish to reveal to yourself. (disclaimer: I claim no knowledge of anything: this is just what the chemical reactions in my brain are triggering my fingers to type at the moment...)

    I don't like thinking badly of people
    No need to think badly of someone in order to choose to dissassociate yourself with them. In fact, better not to. (When you stare into the abyss, the abyss stares back, hunting monsters, and all that...)

    but it just seems like no one can be that nice... just because.
    This guy's "niceness" is just a:
    "How can I be, all I want to be,
    When all I want to do is strip away these stilled constraints
    And crush this charade, shred this sad, masquerade"
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qGeq5v7L3WM

  4. #14
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    I think the easiest way for me to deal with this situation is just politely decline any help, and hopefully he'll stop trying to offer "help" of any kind after a while. Like a ride here or there etc.
    I am worried to be outright as he is somewhat of a neighbor in the area, and the chances of bumping in to him are rather high, and it would be hard for me to deal with that.

    I wasn't sure because he would say so sincerly that thats not his intention...

    Pretty clear now after all the input. Thanks again!

  5. #15
    Senior Member JivinJeffJones's Avatar
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    1. Are you sure he's an NF? Has he taken the test?

    2. I think he's hitting on you too, though he might not have any intention of following through on it. He might just get a kick out of being the guy talking to the pretty girl on the bus. He might also get a kick out of flirting with the pretty girl on the bus, even though he's not trying to get you in the sack. Stoking his ego, basically. In which case he's either being intentionally dishonest with you or (more likely) being dishonest with himself.

    3. He might be genuinely hitting on you in a sneaky act-like-a-nice-guy way. In which case, I doubt he's an NF. He might be, but I think it'd be more likely that he's another type pretending to be an NF because he thinks it'll lower your defences.

    4. I was going to suggest you should introduce him to your husband for a number of reasons, but on second thoughts you probably don't want to give him an "in" on your personal life, in case he has real issues. I don't think he does, but you never know.

    5. It's probably already been said, but this isn't a person you need to be friends with. There's no real reason to be friends with him, and lots of reasons not to be. I think the gradual fade-out is the best fit for you. That shouldn't be hard.

  6. #16

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    Quote Originally Posted by dee View Post
    OK here is the situation, someone I met on the way to work traveling, says he wants to help me out and has been going way out of his way to help me.
    At first I was sure that he has some sort of thing for me, then he went on to tell me, don't think that I have some sort of thing for you etc. I am just trying to help, because if I were in your situation I would have wanted someone to help me etc.
    But then every time we talk he somehow steers the conversation to what goes on at work, and if guys at work are hitting on me and stuff, and be dropping comments like, cause you are so pretty etc, it would be hard not to be flattered and enjoy flirting...
    Then I'll say something like thats not the case, that people know I'm married and so on, and that they know their boundries.
    I mean I try to be nonchalant, but I still don't know whats up with this guy.
    He'll go back and say again that hes not trying to flirt with me but then go back and say weird stuff like if you ever want to go out and party and go crazy I can give you a ride to so and so a place.
    I don't know what to think about all this.
    On the one hand he had me convinced for awhile that he really just does mean well, and just wants to help me out, but then he'll say weird stuff or compliment me or say how I should be careful about sexual harassment at work and so on. Is this like a brotherly type thing, or what, I mean I have really high intuition, but this guy has got to be NF so I can't figure out if hes being real or has some hidden agenda.
    NFs what do you think?
    Maybe he just enjoys talking to me? cause I'm a good conversationalist?
    Am I being paranoid?
    Definitely not an ENFP, so can't help.

    As the INFP above me said, that style has zero NFP about it. If we are going to help you, we just do it. It isn't really a show. And we normally feel compromised on a core level even thinking of doing something that way.

    If you are looking for a type try ESTP, they can come off as very intuitive feeler. They're far more tactical too.
    Freude, schöner Götterfunken Tochter aus Elysium, Wir betreten feuertrunken, Himmlische, dein Heiligtum! Deine Zauber binden wieder Was die Mode streng geteilt; Alle Menschen werden Brüder, Wo dein sanfter Flügel weilt.

  7. #17
    Seriously Delirious Udog's Avatar
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    SPs on the romantic hunt can often give off an NF vibe. I would just as quickly peg him ESTP as ENFP based on what's been said so far.

    dee, your strategy sounds fine. I'd also recommend you ask him to quit calling you at work (unless you genuinely enjoy talking to him there).

    Also, keep in mind that if someone insists on telling you how sincere they are, they probably aren't sincere at all.

  8. #18
    Senior Member alexx's Avatar
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    Sounds like he is trying to get information about whether you fool around so that he can make advances on you. He's testing the waters and is to chicken to actually come out and show you his real intentions, so he's trying to get you to divulge any info to him so he can. Perhaps to use it against you later even - who knows - people can be nasty.

    I'd tell him to not let door hit his you-know-what on the way out.

    89% Extroverted ~ 68% Intuition ~ 84% Feeling ~ 89% Perceiving
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  9. #19
    Senior Member alexx's Avatar
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    Opps - Im not a male. I am so sorry! I just felt like that was what was going on and had to let ya know!

    89% Extroverted ~ 68% Intuition ~ 84% Feeling ~ 89% Perceiving
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  10. #20
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    Sorry I have been away for a while I have an exam coming up and so all my free time I spend studying....

    Anyway thanks for all your replies.
    I have decided to just avoid him basically... like I said before.

    Since the last time I wrote he has called me on my cell like 15 times!!!
    I just don't answer the calls, and hope he'll get it....
    i.e to stop calling and just leave me alone....

    Thanks to everyone here I realized the true weird intentions of this guy.

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