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  1. #81
    lurking.... Wyst's Avatar
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    'Martyr complex', huh? Haha, that's just a glorified way to say 'victim complex'.

    Tied in with what elcare was saying, the unhealthy INFJ that continuously plays the victim card will try to drum up self-esteem inside themselves by thinking they're martyrs.

    Ex. - INFJ helps all of their friends with their respective love problems, but feels completely alone in their own struggles with love and focuses on how no one seems to care or notice (there goes the victim card). But they also don't like to think negatively, so they give the situation a make-over be repainting themselves in the light of everyone's cupid in shining armor but each arrow that is shot drains a little of their life and they have no energy left for themselves.

  2. #82
    Symbolic Herald Vasilisa's Avatar
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    So many good an honest comments.

    If I'm in a bad way, I definitely have the tape of my greatest hits of mess ups, mistakes, and embarrassing moments playing full blast in my mind. Stupid trivial things going back years and years and years. Its oppressive. This creates a lens through which I start to see all reality as variation on a theme. And yet I am loathe to communicate about it to others, because then I feel like I am burdening them, and also because it is hard to show weakness. Especially when a lot of their remedies (go out, be with the people) just tax my reserves and exacerbate the isolated feelings. I want people to reach me, but they can't really. I want them to give me what I need instead of what they need. But now I realize that is kind of impossible for them to know, and I'm not sure I can even say what that is. I'm more grateful to them when they accept me back without punishment or weirdness, since a lot of times they take it personally as if I'm having problems with them rather than with me. And that just overloads an already overburdened spirit.

    So, I'm not sure if that describes martyrdom exactly. In my mind martyrdom says "See, how I suffer for you!" But I'm not suffering for them. Acting a martyr is totally unappealing to me, but I can definitely see how INFJs present that way with all the counsel we give and don't receive.
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  3. #83
    Senior Member quietmusician's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by iwakar View Post
    Correct tibby. ESTP is our shadow.

    Yoinked from TeamTechnology:

    Under extreme stress, fatigue or illness, the INFJ's shadow may appear - a negative form of ESTP. Example characteristics are:

    * acting very impulsively, making decisions without thinking them through
    * doing things to excess - e.g.: eating, drinking or exercising
    * being critical of others, and finding fault with almost everything
    * being preoccupied about unimportant details and doing things that have no meaning
    * acting in a very materialistic and selfish way
    * cutting corners, breaking the rules, and even contradicting the INFJ's own values

    The shadow is part of the unconscious that is often visible to others, onto whom the shadow is projected. The INFJ may therefore readily see these faults in others without recognising it in him/her self.
    Yes all the way. That describes how I have been behaving as of late. Stress sucks ass and I hate being in that "mode". I say stupid things when I'm stressed out and there is never any hesitation in the matter. For example, if I'm stressed out and in public I might not realize until after the fact that I've somewhat quietly made a comment to someone behind the register. But do I like being sarcastic, though. If I'm asked "Would you like (whatever) with that?", sometimes I'll say out loud partially to myself "Didn't ask for any, dick".

    I need to learn how to control myself when I tap into that 'uncaring' side. Not always a fun place to be..

  4. #84
    Junior Member rogue1's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Vasilisa View Post
    So many good an honest comments.

    If I'm in a bad way, I definitely have the tape of my greatest hits of mess ups, mistakes, and embarrassing moments playing full blast in my mind. Stupid trivial things going back years and years and years. Its oppressive. This creates a lens through which I start to see all reality as variation on a theme. And yet I am loathe to communicate about it to others, because then I feel like I am burdening them, and also because it is hard to show weakness. Especially when a lot of their remedies (go out, be with the people) just tax my reserves and exacerbate the isolated feelings. I want people to reach me, but they can't really. I want them to give me what I need instead of what they need. But now I realize that is kind of impossible for them to know, and I'm not sure I can even say what that is. I'm more grateful to them when they accept me back without punishment or weirdness, since a lot of times they take it personally as if I'm having problems with them rather than with me. And that just overloads an already overburdened spirit.

    Acting a martyr is totally unappealing to me, but I can definitely see how INFJs present that way with all the counsel we give and don't receive.
    I am always a work in progress. I have a desire to become a well rounded person, so when I see my flaws (or have someone point them out) I am glad to break out of the chains that keep me prisoner in a life that suffocates me... even if I don't see it at the time.

  5. #85
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bamboo View Post
    What are some other unhealthy traits to look out for with INFJs?
    Not being comprehensible. To INFPs, anyway.

    I currently am taking a class taught by an INFJ. Most of the time I do not know WTF he is saying...

  6. #86
    Senior Member Bamboo's Avatar
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    i'm amazed this thread is still active.

    wow, lots of responses. thanks.
    Don't know how much it'll bend til it breaks.

  7. #87
    Senior Member Quiet's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Vasilisa View Post
    So many good an honest comments.

    If I'm in a bad way, I definitely have the tape of my greatest hits of mess ups, mistakes, and embarrassing moments playing full blast in my mind. Stupid trivial things going back years and years and years. Its oppressive. This creates a lens through which I start to see all reality as variation on a theme. And yet I am loathe to communicate about it to others, because then I feel like I am burdening them, and also because it is hard to show weakness. Especially when a lot of their remedies (go out, be with the people) just tax my reserves and exacerbate the isolated feelings. I want people to reach me, but they can't really. I want them to give me what I need instead of what they need. But now I realize that is kind of impossible for them to know, and I'm not sure I can even say what that is. I'm more grateful to them when they accept me back without punishment or weirdness, since a lot of times they take it personally as if I'm having problems with them rather than with me. And that just overloads an already overburdened spirit.

    So, I'm not sure if that describes martyrdom exactly. In my mind martyrdom says "See, how I suffer for you!" But I'm not suffering for them. Acting a martyr is totally unappealing to me, but I can definitely see how INFJs present that way with all the counsel we give and don't receive.

    + 1

  8. #88
    Senior Member Lightyear's Avatar
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    + 2

    I can very much relate to the whole "I want people to reach me, but they can't really" bit. It's very isolating, I would love deep connections but on the other hand put up a front because I am very hesitant to open up my personal messes, my biggest fear is that I tell someone about what's really going on and then realise they just don't care, that would make things doubly painful. And even if people care I am very particular about how I want people to help me. It all gets so bloody complicated so I think: "It's better to deal with my problems on my own."

  9. #89
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lightyear View Post
    + 2

    I can very much relate to the whole "I want people to reach me, but they can't really" bit. It's very isolating, I would love deep connections but on the other hand put up a front because I am very hesitant to open up my personal messes, my biggest fear is that I tell someone about what's really going on and then realise they just don't care, that would make things doubly painful. And even if people care I am very particular about how I want people to help me. It all gets so bloody complicated so I think: "It's better to deal with my problems on my own."
    +3 that's certainly the ideal I tend to strive for. It's often hard acknowledging when you actually do need help from others.

  10. #90
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lightyear View Post
    + 2

    I can very much relate to the whole "I want people to reach me, but they can't really" bit. It's very isolating, I would love deep connections but on the other hand put up a front because I am very hesitant to open up my personal messes, my biggest fear is that I tell someone about what's really going on and then realise they just don't care, that would make things doubly painful. And even if people care I am very particular about how I want people to help me. It all gets so bloody complicated so I think: "It's better to deal with my problems on my own."
    Sheesh. This thread just makes me cry.

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