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  1. #71
    Senior Member Cronkle's Avatar
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    Clinginess, expecting too much out of someone who you're not in relationship with.

    I expect my friends to be as deep as I am about life and what-it-means-to-be-a-friend, but it doesn't work out that way so I remonstrate myself to lighten up and accept them as is. I also have to make sure to not call be incessantly and fall head over heels with someone that is not looking for that deep of a relationship.

  2. #72
    Aspiring Troens Ridder KLessard's Avatar
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    I think you just described your own needs, ENFP...

    Quote Originally Posted by kiddykat View Post
    Hmm... I wouldn't necessarily say that the INFJs I knew had a martyr complex, although the one unhealthy trait that I did find in the both were the fact that once they made their mind up about something, it was nearly impossible to convince them otherwise.. but that was them. I don't know about other INFJs, and I think any other type can be just as bullheaded, depending on how much importance we place on certain issues.

    What I learned in how to deal with INFJs is, if ya really love them, let them go. If they need their space, give it to them. Maybe, they're too hurt to really have to deal with certain things that may be deeply bothering them. So to try to pry it out of them is like squirting lime on an open wound. Let it be..

    Besides, once someone holds strongly onto their own beliefs, there's nothing we can do to really change that. I believe, peoples' attitudes/beliefs change only if they want to. Only time will tell. So set them free. If they come back, then good. If not, then just let them go & wish them well, because that's what people who care do- wish the other person all the best, much love & respect, regardless of what happens. Hope this helps!

  3. #73
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by eclare View Post
    Those things may not be all that important, but as a general rule of thumb, if an INFJ is upset about something and demands that something be done, it's probably best to do it. After it's done they will reward you with gratitude and apologies for their strident tone. If you don't do it, things will blow over in the short term, but the next time an episode like this happens your failure to comply previous will be brought up again.

    We may not do it often, but INFJs are capable of holding very long grudges.
    I must admit this applies 100% to me...
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  4. #74
    Senior Member vince's Avatar
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    I'm an unhealthy INFJ : I hold lifelong grudges and I dislike most people for their apathy or nihilism. Not to mention I'm cynical and I have no hope for mankind whatsoever. But have a nice day.

  5. #75
    Senior Member tibby's Avatar
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    I find being healthy taxing, but I'm getting healthier I think the older I get. It might be an enneagram 4 thing too but I just need to pull back every once in a while, I may take huge leaps forward and know forward is the only way to go, but every once in a while lapse too and get into this loop, but I haven't found a way to break it completely yet.

    It feels like almost all functions of the INFJ contradict each other.
    I don't know enough about functions but it seems that way.

    An unhealthy INFJ no longer cares. And that goes for everything. It's truly frightening for a type that actually cares pretty deeply, and it takes a lot to get to that point, disappointment, takes something big to stop believing in people. The only retreat from there is Hell (ESTP shadow). Once the INFJ has run in circles enough and Se will never satisfy, and they start feeling even more ill, they'll eventually just give up, and accept something has to be done.

  6. #76
    That's my name biotch! JoSunshine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MrME View Post
    I can only speak from personal experience, because I am the only INFJ I have encountered in the "real" world. It took me a long time to go from an unhealthy state of mind to a (relatively) healthy one. Then again, I was raised in a lopsided home -- Mother was ISFJ and loved her kids ... Father was an emotionally abusive alcoholic who told his eldest son (me) that he was essentially worthless ... and I grew into adulthood believing it.

    I think I was in my shadow personality for all of my childhood after puberty, and well into my 20s. It took me a long time to climb out of the trap.

    I was:

    -Very needy. People took advantage of me all the time.

    -Gullible. See above.

    -Paranoid. I didn't trust anybody, even close friends.

    -Arrogant. I was always looking for reasons why I was better than people, but I would only ever find ways that I was worse, so I compensated by pretending to be a bad-ass. LOLz, indeed.

    -Moody as hell. My emotions would fly off the handle at any given moment, and then I would guilt myself out about it, then I would get depressed, and the whole cycle would start over again.

    -Phobic. I am still working through this.
    This sounds like the unhealthy INFJ I know. But instead of being a "bad ass" he acts like the he is the Dahli Lama or Jesus (so frustrating). It took me a long time to figure out how someone so obviously fragile could be so arrogant. I vacilate between wanting to strangle him and wanting to hug him...
    "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. " - Dr. Seuss
    I can't spell...get over it

    Slightly ENFJ, totally JoSunshine
    Extroverted (E) 52.5%........Introverted (I) 47.5%
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    Judging (J) 51.43%............Perceiving (P) 48.57%

  7. #77
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cronkle View Post
    Clinginess, expecting too much out of someone who you're not in relationship with.

    I expect my friends to be as deep as I am about life and what-it-means-to-be-a-friend, but it doesn't work out that way so I remonstrate myself to lighten up and accept them as is. I also have to make sure to not call be incessantly and fall head over heels with someone that is not looking for that deep of a relationship.
    The bolded part is just...so true. I expect too much from people in general...

  8. #78
    Junior Member rogue1's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bamboo View Post
    A question: I've noticed that when an INFJ gets into 'bossy mode' they might create a list of things that NEED to be done. After they cool off, it's hard to tell whether they really care about having those things done. I can't tell if they are just being nice/feel ashamed that they got angry so they act like those things aren't important or if those things really just aren't important.

    Any advice?
    When I do this I know that I still want it done, but I back off and try to let someone be their own boss. I really hate nagging... I don't I get the reaction that I am wanting by riding someone about something that is important to me. I want them to want to all on their own. I can be patient and wait for it.

  9. #79
    Peaced Quay's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sky is BLUE! View Post
    The bolded part is just...so true. I expect too much from people in general...

    Yep.

    I even expect/predict negative (what I don't want to hear relly) answers to questions I haven't even asked, which will keep me from asking questions.

    And I will expect negative reactions to anything I'm doing, so I get really defensive before I even do anything.

  10. #80
    Junior Member rogue1's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rainbows View Post
    hey...you can't help but love all the sweet INFJs who try to take care of you when they can barely take care of themselves!!!
    LOL That probably annoys a lot of people.
    Quote Originally Posted by eclare View Post
    A lot of crying and hiding from the world but desperately hoping that someone will come help you.
    Well maybe not the crying part....
    Quote Originally Posted by MrME View Post
    I can only speak from personal experience, because I am the only INFJ I have encountered in the "real" world. It took me a long time to go from an unhealthy state of mind to a (relatively) healthy one. Then again, I was raised in a lopsided home -- Mother was ISFJ and loved her kids ... Father was an emotionally abusive alcoholic who told his eldest son (me) that he was essentially worthless ... and I grew into adulthood believing it.

    I think I was in my shadow personality for all of my childhood after puberty, and well into my 20s. It took me a long time to climb out of the trap.

    I was:

    1. -Very needy. People took advantage of me all the time.

    2. -Gullible. See above.

    3. -Paranoid. I didn't trust anybody, even close friends.

    4. -Arrogant. I was always looking for reasons why I was better than people, but I would only ever find ways that I was worse, so I compensated by pretending to be a bad-ass. LOLz, indeed.

    5. -Moody as hell. My emotions would fly off the handle at any given moment, and then I would guilt myself out about it, then I would get depressed, and the whole cycle would start over again.

    6. -Phobic. I am still working through this.
    I have worked through most of this too....ummm some still apply, but working on it.

    Why would anyone want an INFJ. sigh... LOL you get more than you bargain for.

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