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  1. #51
    Senior Member Dwigie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MrME View Post
    I can only speak from personal experience, because I am the only INFJ I have encountered in the "real" world. It took me a long time to go from an unhealthy state of mind to a (relatively) healthy one. Then again, I was raised in a lopsided home -- Mother was ISFJ and loved her kids ... Father was an emotionally abusive alcoholic who told his eldest son (me) that he was essentially worthless ... and I grew into adulthood believing it.

    I think I was in my shadow personality for all of my childhood after puberty, and well into my 20s. It took me a long time to climb out of the trap.

    I was:

    -Very needy. People took advantage of me all the time.

    -Gullible. See above.

    -Paranoid. I didn't trust anybody, even close friends.

    -Arrogant. I was always looking for reasons why I was better than people, but I would only ever find ways that I was worse, so I compensated by pretending to be a bad-ass. LOLz, indeed.

    -Moody as hell. My emotions would fly off the handle at any given moment, and then I would guilt myself out about it, then I would get depressed, and the whole cycle would start over again.

    -Phobic. I am still working through this.
    That's exactly what I did too!...and still do when I'm under stress, panic.
    It was extremely bad during the past three months I felt like I was watching myself go insane and it was the scariest feeling in the world I felt helpless and would randomly go out on a rampage on my closest family members.
    I had to take a break and got several mental breakdowns in very short period of time.
    thank god it's over.(I think)
    I think a lot of INFJs probably felt that way too.
    Sometimes I feel like I'm "on Mercury"-

  2. #52
    Revelation Lauren Ashley's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tiltyred View Post
    There are boundaries??
    What are these boundaries? Where are they supposed to be exactly?

    Also the accusation (I feel it that way -- an accusation rather than a statement) that we have all these secrets. Some things are private, that's all. As in none of your business. Why is that such a foreign concept? Which things are none of your business? The things I won't talk about. Why? Because I don't want to! This strikes other people as bull-headed but it seems to me an inalienable right of the individual to define what matters and what does not for himself, and to define what is shared and what is not, and for other people to ... like it or lump it. :-D
    QFT

  3. #53
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tiltyred View Post
    I wonder if saying no is as difficult for other types. It's excruciating, isn't it?

    You know what's funny, though -- sometimes when you say no, the other person says, "Oh, ok."

    I love it when that happens.
    OMG, yes. We agonize over it and question ourselves, "maybe if I move this around I can fit this in," etc. And then finally when we realize that it just won't work it's "I'm sooooo sorry, I really really wish I could help."

    And for the other person it's like "No big deal. Thanks anyway."

  4. #54
    Senior Member FantailedWall's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by tibby View Post
    Aren't unhealthy/stressed INFJs on some sort of negative ESTP mode? (seek immediate gratification, uncaring etc)
    Yes. Yes. Yes.
    That's my experience with them (one in particular), anyway.

    Presenting a concrete example - someone who I'm currently...err...'seeing'/something-ing - and is probably an INFJ (all signs point to 'DUH') has very distinctive signs of being an unhealthy version of his type.
    - He works a job he hates in order to fund self-destructive habits (drinking/smoking)
    - He intentionally blocks out thoughts of the future due to a feeling of not being 'good enough' to get anywhere (it took me ages to drag out any response for where he sees himself in the future - he has ambitions, just won't bring them up readily due to thinking he could never achieve them anyway)
    - He actually expressed repressing his remarkable insights of the world due to them all getting him to the same negative conclusions ('people living to destroy each other/we all die in the end, why bother?')

    It all presents itself as apathy/a need for immediate gratification disguising a depth of caring and richness of insight.

    I don't know why I hate myself, getting involved with these types

    (And to the OP: Yea, I've donned the term 'martyr complex' to fit INFJs many times)

  5. #55
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    FantailledWall: I recognize myself a little bit in your friends behaviour. And I can give of bullshitting answers if I feel intuively exploited, examples needing to give answers about meaningful stuff to do and future plans. Sometime I don't really have any future plan and just when I don't throw myself and inspirations I have atm I just live for the moment. It could be to much to ask him that he has to figure everything out for you to know. If your looking for someone who already have everything laid out for them, try dating an ISTJ/INTJ with strategical aproach to life. You don't sound like you wan't to live in the moment and it can be a pain to live in different rythm's.

    I still sometimes see friends who constantly reminds me of what I'm doing now and what my plans are. They never let go of my past or worry about future. And I'm trying to figure out if it really is me that has a problem or the other person that is to worried. I'm guessing he isn't hating it that to just leave it.

  6. #56
    Senior Member FantailedWall's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by lorkan View Post
    It could be to much to ask him that he has to figure everything out for you to know. If your looking for someone who already have everything laid out for them, try dating an ISTJ/INTJ with strategical aproach to life. You don't sound like you wan't to live in the moment and it can be a pain to live in different rythm's.
    Oh GOSH no!
    <----Dude, look over there.
    Notice how I'm an ENFP?
    I fantasize about the future - but I live for the NOW.

    I only asked him because I was curious - another service we ENFPs provide
    It's not the lack of direction that's a worry at all - it's the other, more self-destructive habits he has and the obviously lacking feeling of self worth.

    Quote Originally Posted by lorkan View Post
    I'm guessing he isn't hating it that to just leave it.
    ...Huh?

  7. #57
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    Quote Originally Posted by FantailedWall View Post
    Oh GOSH no!
    <----Dude, look over there.
    Notice how I'm an ENFP?
    I fantasize about the future - but I live for the NOW.

    I only asked him because I was curious - another service we ENFPs provide
    It's not the lack of direction that's a worry at all - it's the other, more self-destructive habits he has and the obviously lacking feeling of self worth.



    ...Huh?
    Ok, I see. Well I that's very sweet that you care about his health. Maybe someday (soon I hope) he will snap out of that self-destruction-mode and see that someone was always there for him. I thought it was about the lack of direction but I guess that was wrong ....

    Well I was thinking that I myself often complaints about things I don't like but I do them anyway. And I complaint about to just vent and not that I actually would want to do anything about it. If I would want to do anything about it then I probably would make strong efforts. But this case may very well be different from my situations.

  8. #58
    Senior Member hokie912's Avatar
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    When I'm unhealthy and stressed, I withdraw from everyone around me and retreat into whatever form of immediate gratification of the moment, ESTP-style. I have an extremely hard time admitting weakness, and rather than addressing problems as they arise, I'll avoid confrontation until what started as a small problem has spiraled into a larger one. It's about the most unhealthy way to live, ever. I internalize stress to a very great degree, too, so often will be physically sick during times of stress.

    Fortunately, I've learned to get a handle on most of these things.

  9. #59
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    Quote Originally Posted by hokie912 View Post
    When I'm unhealthy and stressed, I withdraw from everyone around me and retreat into whatever form of immediate gratification of the moment, ESTP-style. I have an extremely hard time admitting weakness, and rather than addressing problems as they arise, I'll avoid confrontation until what started as a small problem has spiraled into a larger one. It's about the most unhealthy way to live, ever. I internalize stress to a very great degree, too, so often will be physically sick during times of stress.

    Fortunately, I've learned to get a handle on most of these things.
    I do all these things, too. Except that I disagree that avoiding confrontation is ALWAY unhealthy. Most of the time I do it because I figure that whatever irritation I'm feeling will disappear as soon as I'm away from the situation and I don't want to waste the emotional energy arguing about something that I won't care about the next day. Very occasionally this backfired spectacularly and I just get madder and madder the farther I get away from the original irritant.

  10. #60
    Senior Member Winds of Thor's Avatar
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    When this happens ask a friendly, smart ENTP to put things into perspective...I hope that helps.
    "..And the eight and final rule: If this is your first time at Fight Club, you have to fight."
    'Men are meant to be with women. The rest is perversion and mental illness.'

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