[INFP] INFP

[hopeseed]

I wanted some opinions from INFP Males. What are some things in relationships that are upsetting to you; and what are some things that are healing to you concerning different relationships. For example, family, friendship and romantic relationships.

 

[Gengar]

ehhh

Well, when I was in a relationship, the thing that upset me most was her making up broken promises. So for example, she would say that she's free on Tuesday, and then suddenly say on that day "Sorry I can't make it today." Her excuse would ALWAYS be "My mother needs me. . . ." which I can't say anything about.

Though I'm a definite P, I always find lack of coherence somewhat distorting. It's quite hypocritical, because I am the one who's most distorted, yet I don't like distortion. Hmm.

Haven't had many different relationships, so I won't answer you there What I can say is that it helps most when you know that you have someone there listening to you. It's hard to find a genuine listener nowadays, and I'm just way too sensitive about whether someone is 'genuine' or not.

Hope this helps

 

[Udog]

Sorry, I don't have the time or inclination to do a 100 page essay right now. To keep it short, though:


Upsetting.
I need respect for my space and time. Respect neither long enough and you are out.

Lying and masking intentions. People often lie about many small things to avoid having to be confronted on big things.

Arguing with me solely to win to feed personal ego, instead of exchanging ideas (passion is okay as long as ideas are being exchanged and discussed) OR to reach a common, constructive agreement that benefits everyone.

Healing:
Letting me open up. Listening without judging. (As a Fi Dom male, this is particularly important, as me opening up to you in person is to reveal a side of me I'm socially not supposed to have.) Bonus points if you can contribute to the conversation.

Offer me honest, constructive feedback. If I'm off the path, I greatly value people that will gently point it out to me.

Make me laugh.

 

[Ender]

Well, when I was in a relationship, the thing that upset me most was her making up broken promises. So for example, she would say that she's free on Tuesday, and then suddenly say on that day "Sorry I can't make it today." Her excuse would ALWAYS be "My mother needs me. . . ." which I can't say anything about.

This is one of my biggest pet peeves as well. I just ended a relationship that was like that about a week ago.

The feeling that others mean more to them then I do is painful. Canceling plans constantly, txt after txt saying she'll be calling soon but never does, taking hours to respond to txts, saying she'll be there soon then getting pissed when I wonder whats up hours later, going days without seeing each other even tho we live 10mins apart.

After a while you start wondering if you're just there for when they feel like seeing/talking to you.

Especially when a week into the relationship she practically moves in with you, and would get upset if a txt wasn't returned within 30mins, was constantly going on about how they couldn't wait to see you. It was taht way for about the first month and a bit, then it started getting like the above, worse and worse..

Oh and I hate my devotion being questioned..

Half the time I'm lost in thought in my own head and not really paying attention to whats going on outside of the car.. No I don't think that chick who walked by the car is hot, I didn't even notice her...

 

[Phenix]

Hurtful: being a priori dismissive of things I think are important, even if they are completely off the wall, INFP 1+1= blue, random thoughts and we both know it. Multi-tasking when interacting with me.

Healing: accepting my nutcase forays, and valuing the qualities I bring to a relationship. Lots of touching, and kind, encouraging remarks.

 

[file cabinet]

ender/gengar.. do you know what types those people were (for the broken promise people)?
i noticed with an enfj friendship/whatever i had where i held a certain amount of expectations for her calling/seeing me. she was one of those super-busy type people. by her not being free made me feel somewhat resentful/angry/hurt but i also in some ways saw my attitude as perhaps being derived from some kind of neediness. in her case, i eventually ended up giving her the space she needed and turned to being supportive with her situation rather then letting it get to me.

 

[Ender]

She is ENxP. ENFP was the result by 2%, so almost a borderline ENTP.

I tried to be supportive, but it was getting worse and worse. Eventually you just start wondering what the hell happened, and if you fit into their life anymore. The feeling of being someone that they turn to when they feel like it sucks.

I dated another ENFP that was sorta the same way. Would cancel plans, even tho they would say they can't wait to see me again, they always seemed to have something else to do.

 

[Gengar]

o em gee, Ender!

my ex-girlfriend who constantly cancelled out on me is also an ENFP! I'd feel exactly the same way about her as you do about your girlfriend!

She would make it seem like she loved me to bits, but I would never feel it genuinely. I always thought that these certain beliefs of mine stemmed from paranoia or perhaps INFP sensitivity issues, but yeah. . . I would never be able to get over it. She would listen without really listening, say that she'd support me without supporting me, say that she'll revise with me without really revising. I don't know, perhaps I have a preference for judgers who could order and structure their world perfectly as opposed to unorganized percievers like myself. It just seemed everything we said we would do wouldn't be done.