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[INFP] Could INFPs lack a compatible type?

saxman

New member
Joined
Jan 7, 2009
Messages
22
MBTI Type
INFP
Hi everyone!

As an INFP, I think too much :) I'm guessing or maybe hoping that I've managed to think myself into a corner and am missing something obvious.

With that said, I don't mean this to sound like a feel sorry thread. I'm just looking for some different views on the topic.

So I get the whole complementary type theory, like ISFP/ESTJ, making the best pairing. But I've also found that the world tends to design for the majority. It's possible that the complementary theory works well with SP/SJ types, but is not blanket rule for all personalities.

I find SPs fun to hang out with, and then tend to be able to pause my endless thinking for a bit so I can just have a little fun. But beyond that, there isn't much connection because they don't seem to get me. There ends up not being enough depth for anything serious.

SJs generally like me and I think often confuse me with an SP, thinking that there isn't a storm behind the calm they see. I respect and get along with them, although they tend to think there is something broken about me that they need to fix.

According to the theory, NTs should be the best match. I suppose my longest relationship was an NT, but I always struggled with the coldness that I felt. She was an INFJ, so maybe if she was an ENFJ it would have been different. But I have to wonder why the lack of NTs in my life.

That leaves NFs. I only learned about personality types in the past few years, so I didn't know this while they were happening, but it seems that the closest past relationships I've had have been either INFPs or ENFPs.

Only the INFPs turned into full relationships. The ENFPs seemed to do a better job of encouraging communication. But in all of the cases, there seemed to be some situation that got in the way. If we got past whatever situation in the beginning, it came back to bite later. But sadly, without some sort of situation going on, we don't seem to meet and get close in the first place.

So this has left me thinking that it really shouldn't be this difficult. If it is, the maybe something else is going on. Which leads me to my latest idea on why this may be happening.

What if INFPs are meant to be a catalyst for other relationships, but are not meant to engage themselves? This sounds really dire if you look at it from an individual level, but stepping back and looking at this from a species, maybe it makes sense. It certainly would explain why something that should be a natural process would be so insanely difficult.

I told you I think too much. :)
 

Quinlan

Intriguing....
Joined
Apr 6, 2008
Messages
3,004
MBTI Type
ISFP
Enneagram
9w1
I reckon ENFJs would be a good match with INFP.

...and by the way I think ISFPs and ESTJs make better adversaries than partners. Complete opposities on the same battlefield, like an ENTJ CEO vs INFP environmental activist or an ESFJ teacher vs a rebellious ISTP student.
 

GZA

Resident Snot-Nose
Joined
Aug 13, 2007
Messages
1,771
MBTI Type
infp
The theory is flawed, dude. If the theory says this but your experience shows you something else, ignore the theory and follow what experience is teaching you. Theory was written in some office somewhere, experience is your life.

So, that said, I don't believe INFP's could lack a compatable type... compatability can only exist between people, and the type won't really matter in the end.

What kind of "situations" are you talking about exactly... I don't quite understand what you are getting at.
 

SpottingTrains

New member
Joined
Jan 21, 2009
Messages
444
MBTI Type
ENFJ
Enneagram
3w2
I agree with Quinlan that an ENFJ would be an amazing match for an INFP. Being an ENFJ myself just reading the INFP description makes me feel like I could actually trust a person with those traits above everyone else.
 

DigitalMethod

Content. Content?
Joined
May 4, 2008
Messages
970
MBTI Type
INTJ
Some observations.
  • Consider functions more.
  • Consider types less.
  • People's upbringing and a ton of other things are just as important as their type.
  • Everyone loves INTJs.
 

Udog

Seriously Delirious
Joined
Aug 2, 2008
Messages
5,290
MBTI Type
INfp
Enneagram
9w1
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
First saxman, welcome to the forums. :)

I would say that the theories on compatibilities for INFPs is about as good as any other type.

The common theories I've read suggest ENFJ, ENTJ, ESTJ, and ESTP. (That last one is Socionics, so be sure you are still an INFP under that system.) The problem is that all four types are pretty dominant, so it can be pretty easy to get steamrolled by any one of them. However, if you are able to hold your own with them, the dynamic can be pretty amazing.
 

saxman

New member
Joined
Jan 7, 2009
Messages
22
MBTI Type
INFP
Interesting feedback. I would think that there would be something natural that would cause one to gravitate towards compatibility. I wonder why I haven't seen that happen.
 

FantailedWall

New member
Joined
Nov 25, 2008
Messages
247
MBTI Type
ENfP
Enneagram
4w5
Some observations.
  • Consider functions more.
  • Consider types less.
  • People's upbringing and a ton of other things are just as important as their type.
    [*]Everyone loves INTJs.

HA. So every INTJ I've ever met seems to think, anyway....

Other than that, sound advice. Compatibility is rarely solely based on 'type match'. There are way too many other factors.
 

Udog

Seriously Delirious
Joined
Aug 2, 2008
Messages
5,290
MBTI Type
INfp
Enneagram
9w1
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
Interesting feedback. I would think that there would be something natural that would cause one to gravitate towards compatibility. I wonder why I haven't seen that happen.

Looking for love in all the wrong places?

INFPs can be... resistant when it comes to gravitating naturally towards compatibility. Many of us don't find love unless it comes up and punches us in the face.

Edit: Also, those types may simply not be for you.
 

DigitalMethod

Content. Content?
Joined
May 4, 2008
Messages
970
MBTI Type
INTJ
HA. So every INTJ I've ever met seems to think, anyway....

Other than that, sound advice. Compatibility is rarely solely based on 'type match'. There are way too many other factors.

It's sarcasm.

One of the many traits why everyone loves INTJs.
 

saxman

New member
Joined
Jan 7, 2009
Messages
22
MBTI Type
INFP
I didn't mean to sound like I was limiting to type only for compatability. I realize there are a lot of other factors. But I believe the opposite to be true, where incompatable types do have a negative effect.

But I'm kind of glad to hear my theory is flawed.
 

saxman

New member
Joined
Jan 7, 2009
Messages
22
MBTI Type
INFP
Looking for love in all the wrong places?

INFPs can be... resistant when it comes to gravitating naturally towards compatibility. Many of us don't find love unless it comes up and punches us in the face.

Edit: Also, those types may simply not be for you.

Heh... So I can blame the punchers :)

(kidding)
 

DigitalMethod

Content. Content?
Joined
May 4, 2008
Messages
970
MBTI Type
INTJ
I didn't mean to sound like I was limiting to type only for compatability. I realize there are a lot of other factors. But I believe the opposite to be true, where incompatable types do have a negative effect.

But I'm kind of glad to hear my theory is flawed.

But I agree.
Incompatible types generally do have a negative effect (unless both parties are both balanced, and still then, it would be harder to click I'd say).
I didn't want to say the other factors are more important. Because even if the other factors are positive, and the personalities don't click, then it doesn't work out. But then again even if the personalities click but the other factors don't then it's still hard to make things click (probably easier than the first though). That is why I said half...

I'm not sure what your theory was though, you said a few things. If it is that INFP doesn't have a match though then that is a flawed theory. Of course INFPs have a match.
 

Lady_X

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 27, 2008
Messages
18,235
MBTI Type
ENFP
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784
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
yeah for real...of course they do.
it's just hard for everybody....i think.
 

jtanSis1

New member
Joined
Oct 1, 2008
Messages
291
MBTI Type
INFP
The problem is not type, it's maturity and preferences. For instance, ENFJ's dislike passivity, which is what INFP's are known for, and INFP's dislike assertiveness, which is what ENFJ's are known for. Each likes the aspect in the other because they don't have it, so a middle ground has to be established, but that's true for any relationship.
 

Bougal

HUZZAH!
Joined
Sep 26, 2008
Messages
708
MBTI Type
ENTP
I think I work really well with INFPs; we complement each other very nicely, and we have a great ability to communicate. I would talk to and INFP I knew for like 5 hours on the phone and we would go out for coffee at 4, and it would still be talking at 11. We would never run out of things to say.
 

saxman

New member
Joined
Jan 7, 2009
Messages
22
MBTI Type
INFP
This seems very likely.

Ok, I'm not willing to give up on the theory that easily. :)

I once filled out a personality questionnaire on a dating site. At the end of it, they basically said that statistically they felt they couldn't find a match for me. I suppose it could be a case that they designed for the majority, which is the SP/SJ pairing, but it still kind of sucked.

I mean, there are probably worker ants that are pissed that there is no clear career goal to becoming a queen. But not every ant can be a queen.

So from a big picture view, if an INFP is simply supposed to be a catalyst for other relationships, and maybe write cool poetry and love songs, then maybe it's ok.
 
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