Hi, so..I'm an INFP. I met a guy two years ago when I was 18 when I lived in Germany for a year. He's German, speaks barely any english, and my german is pretty fluent but not perfect. He had just been dumped by his older live-in girlfriend (they'd been together for over a year, she was his first..everything), and I met him in April 2007, we hit it off really well and he asked me out the within an hour of meeting me. I was flattered but not really interested, it wasn't my "type" for the moment (I was into artistic "hippy/musicians" back then...I wanted to explore the world and save it) so I agreed, but only went because I was curious and wanted to explore. He's really friendly, would take the shirt off his back for anyone type of guy..and the more I was around him the more I cared for him... and he was alreadying making plans for us to be together within a week of just dating, I was flattered but still really hesistant (I always assume people are lying to me when they flatter me... and i only ever say what i truly mean or feel, so i didn't tell him anything). I tried to dissaude him from liking me so much by telling him gently that I wouldn't be staying forever...I wanted to go to other places, at that time I wanted to persue International Relations studies to be human rights activist (now..i'm studying geography and want to work with disaster management), but I hurt him once by telling him I didn't want to be more than friends but later apologized and told him I was just scared. He was always so caring, and touchy-feely (which I never was..and basically acted like a rock...) that is until I started to fall deeply in love with him
...but we had so many communication problems...I like to daydream/think of everything and talk about everything, deep things...and he just wanted to talk and be with his friends and only think and be positive...and so we would get on eachothers nerves because we both thought the other didn't care about each others feelings.. well long story short... we both withdrew a little bit... but i remained more dedicated to him and he stopped the car one day...got out... opened my door and sat down and said, he didn't love me anymore, he liked me, but suddenly he was still in love with his ex and it was unfair for him to see me when he wasn't over her. So i just sat there stunned... and then left. I saw him again, because i was friends with his friends...but i had to ignore him and pretend like he wasn't there because it hurt too much. after a few months...i couldn't help it...i texted him and he responded instantly that he was thinking alot about me too and missed me. then no word from him for a few months... i sent him a long letter when i was back in the us..i apologized for having pushed him away..and i basically just sent the letter for closure..I wasn't expecting anything from him, but i get a letter in the mail three months later and in it he says he still loves me and as soon as he read the letter he wanted nothing more than to fly to me... (the letter took him three months to send to me..wha?) then i wrote him back...nothing... (i couldn't do anything more than write...it wouldve been too painful for me to hear his voice)..nothing...six months later i get an email from him that he wants to talk to me...so i write him back.."okay, what do you want to talk about?"....then he doesn't write back for three more months. during this time..i met someone else...dated for a month, but it didn't work out. at the end of the new "fling" (the only other person i'd ever been with besides my ex)
...i was just sobbing one night...and decided to just write an email to him (i had to guess his email adress like five times for it to finally send)..and say i hope he's doing well, wish we could be there for eachother again as friends. he writes back instantly and says he's missed me and thinks about me. and so for the last three months we've been "friends" through email... he knows i still have strong feelings for him..i told him a couple of weeks ago i couldn't write him anymore because i couldn't do the "Friend" thing anymore... and he wrote back "i still want to write you. i miss you. i like you so much. i think of coming to visit you but i can't this year. i wish we lived closer. you will find the right one for you, believe me! it's a shame we don't live closer..".. but then when he writes he goes from being "caring/loving" to sometimes being impersonal/formal almost...it's giving me whiplash sometimes..and i ask him about it...and he never answers but says i overthink everything too much and we should just be there for each other and think positively. He doesn't deal with problems...he just ignores them, i still don't even know if he is ever his exgirlfriend or not... i just know....i'm unable to go a day without thinking of him and wanting to be with him...even after all this time and heartbreak...he gets me and encourages me like no one in my entire life has ever...and he is so friendly but deepdown is so lonely.
.and yeah he likes being positive, but i saw how he calmed down when we actually had deep conversations and talked about real issues...he's never talked that way with anymore before, so he knows i truly see him as he is..the good and the bad but i still love him...i just worry sometimes that maybe he ignores the bad side of me and that's why he just disappears sometimes... how can i understand this side of him? the enfj side? when i'm so different and want to talk everything through.. I'm so passionate, compassionate, driven and in my own thoughts...it just seems hard for us to really communicate what we both need...and I don't know how to say the words i want to say... in german (more complications)
..but I'd rather work hard with him for us...then have it given to me easily and be with someone else. i love him, above and beyond everything i've ever known. How do i tell him that without pushing him away? I want him to see me as I see him...fully. is this worth fighting for? is he just using me or does he geniunely care for me (but...at the expense of me longing for him to just love me).. I also don't have the funds right now to go visit him..so it'll be atleast another year before that can happen for either of us... our these e-mails even worth it. i really want to try webcaming..but i'm scared it'll just hurt me more if he just wants to be my friend...i've heard that enfjs are so friendly that you can't tell if they having strong feelings for you or just want to be a good friend to you.. any advice?