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  1. #21
    Senior Member SpottingTrains's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by sarahd242 View Post
    oh, okay well.. he tends to want to know everything about me, what i'm thinking about..etc. but he freezes up when I ask about him. why?
    Personally, this is one of the most traumatizing questions people can ask me. Being an ESFJ I have always been friends with everyone, altering how I act to be able to engage certain groups. Some people may see this as a facade but really that is how I interact. Now the problem is when someone asks a question like this it is very hard for me to actually find who I am in all of that mess. Even if I could possible conceptualize how I feel into a sentence, which I find very, very difficult I don't see how the other person could possibly understand.

    Why do ENFJ's care so much about other people's opinions and not enough of their own? .... is it they want to be mysterious or just not get hurt, being polite? or a little of both?
    Again, personally ( I don't want to generalize), it has nothing to be with wanting to be mysterious. The only way for me personally to talk about something I like is in a factual manner. For example if you ask me what my favourite movie is I will rarely answer with my actual favourite movie (depending on how well I know you, partly because the movies I like are so on the fringe of public taste) but something I think that would be pleasing to that person and even then I won't acknowledge why I like it. Wow, this is hard to explain : / .

    I guess it comes down to the fact that I would rather learn about you and just try and judge the information you have given to me and then give you back something that will make you happy.

    Why so back and forth with emotions (but usually only with romantic partners) (with friends, from what i've read..they seem to make lots of and keep close ones)?
    I can honestly say that I can't name one person that truly dislikes me. I treat everyone I see as a friend and instantly devote a certain amount of rapport to that person. I tend to be very judging on everyone I know. I personally can't stand rudeness at all. Rudeness in any form makes me physically and emotionally repulsed by the person. There are other traits that also do this but rudeness is the most common.

    This may be why your boyfriend was so back and forth with his emotions concerning you. I'm not saying you were rude but maybe you momentarily showed him a trait that he disliked.

    why push conflict under the rug rather than face it?
    Because I hate to see people in a state of distress and if I know I have caused it then it is even worse.

    Conclusion: I think he is trying not to hurt you by saying what you want to hear. He could easily still have feelings for you but they are probably in conflict with things that seem more real to him at the moment

  2. #22
    Senior Member alcea rosea's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Third Rider View Post
    ^ You are welcome, we are good at destroying hopes and dreams around here.
    I don't think we are destroying her hopes, I think he has done it already.

  3. #23
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
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    I tend to idealise people because I see everything in symbolic terms. Granted, I don't believe I'm reading in meaning that isn't there. What I mean to say is, my primary Fe paints everything in vivid hues. I see subtleties, gestures, tones, etc, down to a primal level. My love or appreciation for people and their actions/intentions is perhaps writing their lifestory next to mine, simultaneously, in a "Big Fish" way. They're just caught in my undertow.


    Quote Originally Posted by sarahd242 View Post
    oh, okay well.. he tends to want to know everything about me, what i'm thinking about..etc. but he freezes up when I ask about him. why?
    I do that too. At the worst moments. I don't like to be focused on, which seems paradoxical compared to how much time I spend socializing. Ultimately, I feel like a fraud or a failure (though I'm neither) and back away because I believe I'm disappointing.

    Why do ENFJ's care so much about other people's opinions and not enough of their own? .... is it they want to be mysterious or just not get hurt, being polite? or a little of both?
    Primary Fe + potential to get crushed by someone we really care about = possible personal extinction level event. I can usually hold my own against strangers or mere acquaintances, but loved ones can not only yank out my fuse, they can render me completely inert.

    why push conflict under the rug rather than face it?
    It's excruciating.

    I've learned to hit things more head-on, esp with an ENFP sister who doesn't back down from conflict.
    eNFJ 4w3 sx/so 468 tritype
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    RLUEI, Choleric/Melancholic
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    AIS Holland code
    Researcher: VDI-P
    Dramatic>Sensitive>Serious

  4. #24
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    I've been pretty down the last few days... I stopped all contact, deleted all e-mails, sms, his number... haven't heard from him at all, I didn't expect to though.
    But...I decided I had to do extra stuff besides just classes, so I signed up for a triatholon to keep me busy..
    My Fundraising Page

    I hope good starts happening again... I've been way too dazed the last month, and slipping away. so I gotta take my life back into my hands...right?

    thanks for the help though, everybody.
    -Sarah.

  5. #25
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
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    Sorry, Sarah *pats*

    You know, you should start a blog about your triathlon endeavor in the NF blog section. I'm sure everyone would like to hear about that.
    eNFJ 4w3 sx/so 468 tritype
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    RLUEI, Choleric/Melancholic
    Inquistive/Limbic
    AIS Holland code
    Researcher: VDI-P
    Dramatic>Sensitive>Serious

  6. #26
    Senior Member SpottingTrains's Avatar
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    Best of luck Sarah, I always find the best way to get over someone is to do the exact thing you are doing

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