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  1. #11
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    can anybody think of any reasons why i was always the one who initates contact and why he never does? ..but he always responds as if he was just waiting for me to.

  2. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by sarahd242 View Post
    can anybody think of any reasons why i was always the one who initates contact and why he never does? ..but he always responds as if he was just waiting for me to.
    Two reasons, either of which is easily plausible.

    1. You're the "initiator," which means he expects you to call.

    2. He's just not that into you.

  3. #13
    Senior Member JivinJeffJones's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jack Flak View Post
    2. He's just not that into you.
    I think it's that, really. Maybe he's just kinda mirroring your emotions, which wouldn't be completely implausible with an ENFJ. I think 3 months and 6 months between responses is a pretty big deal though. My guess is that he got over you, then with your communication he got a bit nostalgic. I don't think it'd work out any better if you got back together though. He sounds like a bit of a "grass is greener on the other side of the fence" guy.

    I don't think I need to point out the extreme difficulties of LD relationships, since I think that's probably 80% of the charm for you. As one INFP to another.


    Edit: uh sorry, btw. About the situation.

  4. #14
    movin melodies kiddykat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by sarah's Ex- BF:
    you will find the right one for you, believe me!
    Little things say the MOST.

    Regardless of his type. Keep a guy who:
    A. Treats you RIGHT (is honest with you & to himself).
    B. Is consistent with his words/actions/intentions.
    C. Loves you just as much as you love him.
    D. You're mutually HAPPY with.

    ..Sometimes, the hardest thing is letting go. We tend to over-idealize our past relationships too much.

    We hold on is because we attach ourselves to this false illusion of what we 'thought' the person was, but really wasn't. Relationships end for a reason.

    Jot down traits of Mr. Right, how he would treat you. Abide by those rules, girl. Engage in activities that make you feel better about yourself (exercise, listening to music, drawing, anything..) Life's too short. Enjoy it while you can, right??

  5. #15
    Senior Member chris1207's Avatar
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    I agree with the latest posts. There're a lot of fish in the sea. If you like and want to understand an ENFJ find one in your area they couldn't be too tough to find. They will be out and about.

    This all makes me think of a long distance relationship I had. I couldn't help but calculate all of the costs up and realize that I needed to end it right away. That and I just wasn't into her anymore. I just wanted to continue on if she did. I remember an INTJ saying that I couldn't quantify a relationship with numbers but boy did I show him!
    "... you think deeply about stuff [that] nobody cares about and hardly anybody can understand you." ~ Peguy talking about Ni users. So true.

  6. #16
    Senior Member IEE623's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by sarahd242 View Post
    can anybody think of any reasons why i was always the one who initates contact and why he never does? ..but he always responds as if he was just waiting for me to.
    fear of putting effort into it (possibility of getting hurt afterwards) while being unsure about everything... maybe?
    "Adversity makes men, and prosperity makes monsters"

  7. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by sarahd242 View Post
    oh, okay well.. he tends to want to know everything about me, what i'm thinking about..etc. but he freezes up when I ask about him. why?

    Why do ENFJ's care so much about other people's opinions and not enough of their own? .... is it they want to be mysterious or just not get hurt, being polite? or a little of both?

    Why so back and forth with emotions (but usually only with romantic partners) (with friends, from what i've read..they seem to make lots of and keep close ones)?

    why push conflict under the rug rather than face it?

    nothing else really comes to mind... but thanks.
    I was raised by an ENFJ dad, if this helps, eheh, so I might have ENFj esque traits. Its his way of being caring, asking about others rather than himself, my mother aswell. My father never has really talked about difficulties he had to me, he tries to make everyone happy. Family told me to do was it kind and not think about yourself and be grateful. I spent a lot of my childhood, listening to others and my family. I never got to do emotionally what I wanted to do, but I ended up concentrating on others more than myself. I always wanted to have loads of people round and do loads of things, but I realised it wasn't really going to happen for me. So I thought being kind to others and being selfless is the way, maybe it was always the case for me. So kinda ended up focusing on other people rather than myself. Also a lot of weird events have made my sense of self go numb, I can't feel it at times, I must be doing things for others, to make them happy. I feel a mental block when I think about my own happiness, I don't know, maybe the pain's abit shattered me or made it hard to feel now.

    I tend to care about other's opinions more than mine, since I place more value on their's then my opinion, I value other's opinion's a lot for self criticism. I worried my opinion may make me look like I'm supporting myself or making myself look good. Maybe I'm just hard on myself there.

    Emotions, romantically, I don't know whats happened to me in that sense. I can do all the Fe, things for others, for my friends for everyone, but romantically, I have to think about myself too, Fi, its not something I'm used and have done before. I've been alone so long, that there was a long period where I was in really anguish at times, many times I have sacrificed what I wished, for others, that kinda what I internally wanted, was torn to shreds, loneliness went kinda numb, all I wanted was someone to hug.

    Conflict shouldn't be pushed under the carpet thats definantly that something has to be improved.

    Talk to him on chat if its long distance, he should be on it soon after few days, those ways are the best way, since its really quick thinking, you can get answers from him like that, question him about things, he should be fine. I'm on there after friday for example, if you want to ask things, I want it to work out.

  8. #18
    Senior Member alcea rosea's Avatar
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    To the OP. I think he has treated you badly during your breakup and after it. My best advice is that you try to forget about him.
    Go looking for somebody who appreciates you.

  9. #19
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    ...yeah... it's funny how the obvious answer is right in my face...and i just...blindly hope it isn't and try not to accept it... i should be tired of fighting so hard for something that just apparently isn't important to him as it is to me. i should be... but i'm not. But thanks everyone..and I will take your advice...i'm just going to back away, which means more likely than not...it'll just stop, and he'll disappear...and I'll...pick up the pieces... and just move on, I guess. Really, thanks for being honest...without hitting my over the head with my ..naivity . I really appreciate it.

  10. #20
    Senior Member The Third Rider's Avatar
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    ^ You are welcome, we are good at destroying hopes and dreams around here.
    ENFJ 3W4

    If you read this I am sorry to say that you just lost 5 seconds of your life that you wont be getting back.*

    *Actual time may vary.

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