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  1. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by PinkPiranha View Post
    You met another ENFJ? Did you snap a picture? I've only met two in person.
    No pic. But apparently she has a twin sister too.

  2. #12
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
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    Super. We're cloning ourselves.
    eNFJ 4w3 sx/so 468 tritype
    Neutral Good
    EII-Fi subtype, Ethical/Empath, Delta/Beta
    RLUEI, Choleric/Melancholic
    Inquistive/Limbic
    AIS Holland code
    Researcher: VDI-P
    Dramatic>Sensitive>Serious

  3. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by PinkPiranha View Post
    Super. We're cloning ourselves.
    'Tis only for the best, aye?

  4. #14
    Shaman BlackCat's Avatar
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    ENFJs are cool. A good friend of mine is ENFJ. We seem to have a good bit of common ground, she motivates me to do things in a way that isn't offensive to me and makes me actually enjoy the time I have with her, which is rare because most of the time when I'm with people (that I don't trust or enjoy) I am annoyed.
    () 9w8-3w4-7w6 tritype.

    sCueI (primary Inquisition)

  5. #15
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    I come from a crazy circle of NFs. My wife, aunt, and father-in-law are ENFJ. My self, uncle, close friend, daughter, grandfather, and mother are all INFx. Christmas is DIFFERENT in MY world.

    Communication with ENFJ ... hmmm ... during communication ... it's best to remember that ENFJ has YOUR best interests in mind, not their own. (Whether they're on track or not.) The downside of this is the tendency towards trying to educate everyone around them into copies of themselves, but they truly don't realize this, just as the INFx doesn't realize that their intuitive insight of a situation does NOT take into account ALL considerations.

    Some splendid hard feelings can occur.

    ENFJ needs help centering on themselves (perhaps why INFP/ENFJ pairings are so beneficial ... INFP needs help understanding that they're NOT the centre.)

    When communicating with an ENFJ, validation (real grok) is truly a key. One major phrase I've learned to use in expressing my love and making my wife feel good is NOT "I love you." ... it's "Thank you for caring so much about me." She goes mooshy.

    ENFJ will give of themselves to the point of total exhaustion and collapse. RECEIVE the giving (circle of life dudes), and thereby validate. This is the emotional communication and intimacy. Talk about advice as "rules of life" ... ENFJ needs to know a universal law, applicable to everyone, to understand a new point of view. (Just as an INFx needs metaphor or parable ... an archetype to ponder ... to understand a new point of view.)

    In short ... if you're arguing with an ENFJ, you're not just arguing with them ... you're arguing with THE LAW! If you argue with an INFx, you're not just arguing with them ... you're arguing with THE PRINCIPLE! Neither are recommended.

    Of course, with all of that ... all standard concepts regarding human communication apply as well. This is just my own thoughts and experience, subject to change without notice.

  6. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by VissralNaction View Post
    When communicating with an ENFJ, validation (real grok) is truly a key. One major phrase I've learned to use in expressing my love and making my wife feel good is NOT "I love you." ... it's "Thank you for caring so much about me." She goes mooshy.
    Im not so good with words. I have no problem with I love you, I will try out a few different things thanking her for caring so much.

    Quote Originally Posted by VissralNaction View Post
    ENFJ will give of themselves to the point of total exhaustion and collapse. RECEIVE the giving (circle of life dudes), and thereby validate. This is the emotional communication and intimacy. Talk about advice as "rules of life" ... ENFJ needs to know a universal law, applicable to everyone, to understand a new point of view. (Just as an INFx needs metaphor or parable ... an archetype to ponder ... to understand a new point of view.)
    I see alot that she will give herself to the point of exhaustion. Being SP I dont have rules of life. I can tell she is trying to understand me, but I change alot. I like camping, but I dont always feel like going camping. This confuses her because to her if I dont like planning it means I am spontaneous, but its not really spontaneous just to be spontaneous. I dont like planning because I dont know what I am going to feel like doing at the time. I will plan when I have to, but try to limit it as much as possible. I am working on explaining why I do what I do, i just gotta figure out why first. I dont do much introspection which is why an SPs response alot of the times is just "because I feel like it" We dont see a need to figure out why we feel how we feel. Her biggest complaint is communication, this is a guess what shes talking about. So when she says our communication is getting better it is because I am explaining the "why" which allows her to adapt her universal law?

    Quote Originally Posted by VissralNaction View Post
    ENFJ needs help centering on themselves (perhaps why INFP/ENFJ pairings are so beneficial ... INFP needs help understanding that they're NOT the centre.)
    This is the truth. One of the things I tell her alot is that she needs to learn not to care so much. She needs to focus more on herself and less on others.

    I enjoy constructive criticism. Lay it on if I am wrong.

  7. #17
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    No criticism at all really ... sounds like you've got it.

    I can see ISTP and ENFJ being a very good couple ... I'll mull that over for awhile. Very different experience of the world, but I can see the differences being very good for each other too.

    You can probably help her with living a more spontaneous life, and she will probably help you in living a more social life ... just by being around each other.

    Definitely be aware that she's probably a lot more sensitive than you are. Just the way it is. You'll need to be more careful of her feelings than you might think ... they're 'louder' for her than yours are for you. (Generally speaking of the types.)

    To be understood yourself, yes you'll probably have to explain more than you think may be necessary. It might be a nuisance from time to time, but the payoff will really be worth it. Things that you think should be obvious won't be for her, but by explaining she will take it in. Trust her insight and advice when it comes to dealing with other people. It can be hard to find out what ENFJ really thinks about things. They will push their own opinions down in favor of what the group needs. You'll have to say things like "Right now don't worry about person A, and person B, and person C ... we can all take care of ourselves ... what about YOU?"

    In general, when making life plans together, she'll be better at the "big picture", and you'll be better at "how are we going to get that done?" That also means, when she wants to have a "relationship talk", she may not understand that you probably haven't thought about it much past what's going on this weekend. You'll need to explain that as long as everything seems fine, then everything's fine.


    These are just my thoughts ... let me know if I've got anything wrong too ... helps me out.

    Nice to meet you man.

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